Ingabe i-Stonewalling Iyabuthinta Ubudlelwano Bakho?

-Delile

• Kubukeka kanjani?
• Ingabe ngempela kumane ‘kuyinto yomuntu’?
• Ingabe kubi kangako?
• Kwakha umuzwa wokuhlukaniswa
• Kungabuqeda ubudlelwano
• Kungathinta impilo yakho
• Ingabe uhlobo lokuhlukumeza?
• Ingabe ikhona indlela yokuyisebenzisa?
• Gwema ukuqhuma
• Thatha isikhathi sokuvala
• Funa usizo kumelaphi ofanelekayo
• Okubalulekile

Ithi niyadla kwakusihlwa nomlingani wakho, bese nobabili niqala ukuxoxa ngaleyo nto ehlale inishiya nobabili - hhayi ngendlela eshisayo nesindayo. Mhlawumbe yizimali noma ukuhlukaniswa kwemisebenzi yasendlini.

Uqala ukuveza uhlangothi lwakho lwezinto ukuze ubayeke ngokungazelele bakhulume ngokuphelele, bakushiye ubheke esidlweni sakho uzizwa uthukuthele, uwedwa, futhi unenzondo.

Kuvela ukuthi kukhona igama lalolu hlobo lokuziphatha olukhungathekisayo: i-stonewalling. Kuyindlela yokuhlola ngokomzwelo.

Sonke sike saba necala lalokhu ngesikhathi esithile, kungaba ngokushaya ihlombe ngesikhathi sokulwa noma ukwenqaba ukubheka iso lapho sihlanya.

Nakhu ezinye zezimpawu zakudala ezingabonakala ebudlelwaneni nasezinyathelweni ongazithatha uma uzibona ngokwakho.

Kubukeka kanjani?

I-Stonewalling yenzeka lapho uzama ukugwema intukuthelo ngokungazinaki izingxabano. Umuntu obuyela emuva uvame ukukhungatheka futhi aqale ukucisha njengendlela yokuzithambisa nokuzithobisa.

Yize kuyinto ejwayelekile ukuthi ngezikhathi ezithile usebenzise ukwelashwa buthule njengendlela yokubhekana nakho, kuyifulegi elibomvu lapho isimilo siphenduka singalapheki.

Umuntu owakha amatshe angakwazi ukuveza indlela abazizwa ngayo futhi akuthole kulula ukuyeka ukuhlanganyela. Lokhu kungabukeka kanjena:

• ukuvala amehlo abo ngesikhathi sokuxabana
• efulathela
• ukubheka izingcingo zabo zingami phakathi kwengxoxo eshubile

Bangashintsha nengxoxo noma basebenzise izimpendulo zegama elilodwa ukugwema ukukhuluma. Futhi lapho yenza bathi okuthile, bazosebenzisa le mishwana ejwayelekile:

• “Yenza noma yini oyifunayo.”
• "Ngiqedile."
• Ake ungishiye ngedwa. ”
• "Kumele ngiphume lapha."
• "Angisakwazi ukuyithatha."

Ingabe ngempela kumane ‘kuyinto yomuntu’?

Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi ukwakhiwa kwamatshe kuvame kakhulu emadodeni. Ngenkathi ucwaningo lwakudala lukhombisa ukuthi abesilisa banamathuba amaningi okuthi bahoxe ngokomzwelo ezingxoxweni ezinzima uma kuqhathaniswa nabesifazane, kuyinganekwane ukuthi “yinto yabantu” kuphela.

Noma ngubani anganikeza ihlombe elibandayo. Ngokuvamile kuyindlela yokuzivikela efundwe ebuntwaneni.

Ingabe kubi kangako?

Kungabonakala kungeyona into enkulu, kepha ukwenqaba ukukhuluma kungaba yindaba ebucayi ngezindlela eziningana.

Kwakha umuzwa wokuhlukaniswa

I-Stonewalling iyanhlukanisa nobabili esikhundleni sokunihlanganisa nxazonke.

Kungabuqeda ubudlelwano

Noma kungakha umuzwa wokukhululeka okwamanje, njalo "ukuhlola" umkhuba owonakalisayo ogcina ubheda ubudlelwano bakho. Ngokusho kwabaphenyi baseGottman Institute, lapho abesifazane besebenzisa amatshe amatshe, kuvame ukuba yisibikezelo sesehlukaniso.

Kungathinta impilo yakho

Uma kunguwe we-stonewaller, ungathola ukusabela ngokomzimba, njengokushaya kwenhliziyo okuphezulu nokuphefumula okusheshayo.

Omunye uthole ukuthi ukuvalwa ngokomzwelo ngesikhathi sezingxabano kwakuxhunyaniswe neqolo noma imisipha eqinile.

Ingabe uhlobo lokuhlukumeza?

Lapho uzama ukuthola ukuthi ngabe indlela yokuziphatha isivele yahlukumeza, kubalulekile ukubheka inhloso.

Othile ukuvimba ngamatshe imvamisa uzizwa engakwazi ukuveza imizwa yakhe futhi "akuqande" njengendlela yokuzivikela.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukwakheka ngamatshe kungasetshenziselwa ukudala ukungalingani kwamandla ngokuvumela omunye umuntu ukuthi anqume ukuthi uzoxhumana nini futhi kanjani.

Bheka ukuthi ngabe indlela yabo yokuziphatha isibe yindlela yokukhohlisa eyehlisa ukuzethemba kwakho noma ikwenze wesabe futhi uphelelwe yithemba.

Uma ukuphathwa kwabo buthule kuba ngamabomu ngenhloso yokukulimaza, kuyifulegi elibomvu elicacile abazama ukulawula ubudlelwano.

Ingabe ikhona indlela yokuyisebenzisa?

Ukwakhiwa ngamatshe akusho ukuphela kobudlelwano, kepha ukuzizwa uphephile lapho ukuxhumana kubalulekile. Nazi ezinye izindlela zokubuyisa ukuxhumana.

Gwema ukuqhuma

Kubalulekile ukuthi ungabi nobutha noma uphoqe omunye umuntu ukuthi avule, ikakhulukazi uma esevele ezizwa ekhungathekile.

Esikhundleni salokho, ngomoya ophansi ubazise ukuthi uzimisele ukuzwa ukuthi bathini. Ukuzinika isikhathi sokulalela empeleni kungasiza ukukhulisa ingxoxo enzima.

Thatha isikhathi sokuvala

Lapho kuvela ukwakhiwa kwamatshe, kulungile ukunika omunye imvume yokuthatha ikhefu. Lokhu kunganisiza nobabili nizizwe niqinisekiswa futhi ninakekelwa.

Noma ngabe ungumuntu ovame ukuhlehla noma kunguzakwenu, ukuvumela isikhala sokuphela kwesikhathi kungakusiza nobabili ukuthi nigweme ukukhungatheka ngesikhathi sokuxabana.

Funa usizo kumelaphi ofanelekayo

Ukufinyelela kumelaphi wezithandani kusenesikhathi kungaba yindlela yokuqinisa ukuxhumana kwakho nokukhuthaza izindlela ezinempilo zokuxhumana.

Umelaphi angakusiza nobabili ukuthi nihlole izizathu zokwelashwa buthule komlingani. Bangasebenzela ukubasiza ukuthi baveze kangcono imizwa yabo futhi babhekane nezingxabano.

Khumbula ukuthi ubudlelwano buyizindlela ezimbili futhi budinga ukuvuleleka kosizo lwangaphandle oluvela kubo bobabili abalingani.

Okubalulekile

Sonke siyalidinga ikhefu ngezikhathi ezithile, ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngokubhekana nezingxoxo ezinzima. Kepha ukwenqaba ukuzibandakanya ezingxoxweni ezikhiqizayo, ngisho nezinzima impela, ngeke kwenze muntu umusa.

Kunezindlela zokusebenza ngokuzungeza ngamatshe. Kepha uma kubonakala sengathi kuyingxenye yephethini enkulu yokukhohlisa, kungaba yisikhathi sokucabanga kabusha ngezinto.

UCindy Lamothe yintatheli ezimele ezinze eGuatemala. Ubhala kaningi ngemiphambanandlela phakathi kwezempilo, inhlalakahle, nesayensi yokuziphatha komuntu. Ubhalelwe i-The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, nezinye eziningi. Mthole ku- utbindani.com.