Ukubhekana Nothando Olungafuneki

-Delile

• Yiziphi izinhlobo ezahlukahlukene?
• Ziyini izimpawu?
• Intshisekelo yakho yothando ayibonakali inentshisekelo yokuqhubekisela phambili ubudlelwano
• Bayaphuza ukuphendula izimemo, imibhalo, namakholi
• Ukuphika izimpawu abanantshisekelo
• Usebenzisa lokho okwaziyo ngabo ukusondela
• Ukuhlangabezana nemizwa eminingi engathandeki
• Ukulwela ukubasusa engqondweni yakho
• Ingabe ikhona indlela yokubhekana nakho?
• Khuluma ngakho…
• … Kepha ungalibali
• Zizwe imizwa yakho…
• … Bese uziphazamisa
• Shintsha isiteshi sakho
• Thola incazelo kokuhlangenwe nakho
• Zibuze ukuthi ufunani ngempela
• Ungaluthola nini usizo
• Uma udinga usizo manje
• Kuthiwani uma kunguwe ongazizwa ngendlela efanayo?
• Ukugwema ngokuvamile akusizi
• Nikeza ububele
• Yenza ukwenqaba kwakho kucace
• Okubalulekile

Wake waba nothando losaziwayo owayengazi ukuthi ukhona? Imizwa ebambezelayo ngomuntu owayeqedile ngemuva kokuhlukana? Noma mhlawumbe wathandana kakhulu nomngane osondelene naye kodwa wagcina imizwa yakho iyimfihlo.

Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kuchaza uthando olungathandeki, noma uthando olungafani. Uma imizwa yakho ingagxili kakhulu esikhathini esedlule, ungahle ungazizwa ucindezeleke kakhulu ngayo. Kepha ubuhlungu bothando olulodwa buhlala isikhathi eside lapho umthanda ngokweqiniso umuntu.

Yiziphi izinhlobo ezahlukahlukene?

Esikhathini esithile sokuphila, mhlawumbe uke waba nesithakazelo okungenani esisodwa sothando esingazizwa ngendlela efanayo. Ngeshwa, lokhu kungukuhlangenwe nakho okuhle kwendawo yonke. Kepha akuyona ukuphela kwendlela yokuzwa uthando olungathandeki.

"Uthando olungathandeki lungavela ngezindlela ezahlukahlukene," kusho uKim Egel, uLMFT.

Wabelana ngezinhlobo ezithile ezivamile:

• isifiso somuntu asitholakali
• ukuphekela umuntu ongenayo imizwa efanayo
• imizwa yokubonisana phakathi kwabantu abathintekayo obunye ubudlelwano
• imizwa ebambezelayo ye-ex ngemuva kokwehlukana

Uthando olungafuneki lungenzeka futhi ekuthandaneni okungakahleleki uma imizwa yakho iba mikhulu kodwa intshisekelo yomunye umuntu ayike ijule.

Ziyini izimpawu?

Uthando olungafuneki lungabukeka luhlukile kuzimo ezahlukahlukene. Kepha uMelissa Stringer, i-LPC, uchaza uphawu oluyinhloko lothando olungafuneki ngokuthi "ukulangazelela okunamandla okubeka isikhathi esibalulekile futhi okubandakanya ukubuyisela okuncane ekuthandweni kwakho kothando."

Nazi ezinye izinto eziqonde ngqo ezingaphakamisa ukuthi uthando aluhambisani.

Intshisekelo yakho yothando ayibonakali inentshisekelo yokuqhubekisela phambili ubudlelwano

Ufuna ukuhlola ukuxhumeka okujulile, ngakho-ke uqala ukubamema ukuthi bachithe isikhathi esithe xaxa ndawonye. Kepha bahlala kude njengoba uzama ukusondela. Mhlawumbe babiza lokho okubonayo njengosuku ngokuthi "i-hangout," noma bamema abanye abangane ukuba bajoyine ubusuku obuseduze obabuhlelile.

Ukungabi nentshisekelo kwabo kungabonakala nasekuxhumaneni kwakho ngokomzwelo. Uma uzama ukubuza imibuzo mayelana nezinkolelo zabo kanye namagugu abo, isibonelo, bangahle bangakunikeli okuningi ezimpendulweni zabo noma bakubuze imibuzo efanayo.

Bayaphuza ukuphendula izimemo, imibhalo, namakholi

Uzizwe sengathi wenza umsebenzi omningi ukuhlanganyela? Mhlawumbe bathatha impendulo engapheli emilayezweni. Noma uma ubamema, bathi, “Mhlawumbe! Ngizokwazisa ”futhi ungaqinisekisi kuze kube umzuzu wokugcina.

Uma leli phethini liqhubeka futhi zinganikeli ngezizathu, njengesibopho sangaphambilini, kungahle kube nenye incazelo ngokuziphatha kwabo.

Ukuphika izimpawu abanantshisekelo

Akunandaba ukuthi uyidayisa kanjani, uthando olungafuneki lubuhlungu. Ukubhekana nobuhlungu, akuyona into engavamile ukudlula esigabeni sokuphika.

Mhlawumbe uziziba izimpawu ezicashile ozitholayo bese ukhetha ukugxila ekutheni zivame kangaki:

• ukukugona noma ukukuthinta ngokunganaki
• ngiyakuncoma
• ngikuxoxele isifuba sakho noma ngibuze umbono wakho

Kepha abanye abantu banothando nje futhi bavulekile, okungadida lapho uzama ukulinganisa intshisekelo yabo kuwe.

"Ukukhomba uthando olungathandeki," kusho u-Egel, "kudinga ikhono lakho lokuthembeka kuwe ngokwenzekayo." Lokhu kubandakanya ukunaka izimpawu zomunye umuntu, noma ngabe ukwamukela ukuthi bazizwa kanjani kungaba nzima.

Usebenzisa lokho okwaziyo ngabo ukusondela

Ungazithola ucabanga izindlela zokwenza uzikhange ngokwengeziwe komunye umuntu. Mhlawumbe i-snowboarding yinto abayithandayo, ngakho-ke uyithatha ngokungazelelwe - yize ubazonda bobabili amakhaza futhi ezemidlalo.

Ukuhlangabezana nemizwa eminingi engathandeki

Uthando olungafuneki luvame ukufaka umjikelezo wemizwa, ngokusho kweStringer.

Uyachaza: "Le ndlela ivame ukuqala ngokuthembela njengoba wenza amasu ahlose ukubhebhethekisa ubudlelwano bothando," uyachaza. Kodwa lapho le mizamo ihluleka, ungasala “nemizwa yokwenqatshwa nemizwa ehambisana nayo, ehlanganisa ukudabuka, intukuthelo, intukuthelo, ukukhathazeka, namahloni.”

Ukulwela ukubasusa engqondweni yakho

"Uthando olungafuneki luvame ukuhlanganiswa nomuzwa wokulangazelela ongaqala ukuthatha imizwa yakho futhi ungcolise iqiniso," kusho u-Egel. Imizwa yakho ngalo muntu ingavela usuku lonke lwakho, ezindaweni ezahlukahlukene zempilo yakho.

Isibonelo, unga:

• hlola i-Facebook ukubona ukuthi bayithandile yini iposi lakho (noma babelane nganoma yini ongabeka amazwana kuyo)
• bhala izincwadi noma imibhalo (ongayithumeli) ukuvuma imizwa yakho
• bathenga ezindaweni abahlala kuzo ngethemba lokuthi bazobabona
• khuluma ngabo kaningi
• zicabange ngezimo lapho ubatshela khona ukuthi uzizwa kanjani

Ingabe ikhona indlela yokubhekana nakho?

Kubuhlungu lapho imizwa yakho ingabuyiselwa. Eqinisweni, isifundo esincane esivela ku-2011 sikhombisa ukwenqatshwa kusebenze izindawo ezifanayo ebuchosheni njengobuhlungu bomzimba. Lezi zeluleko zingakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nobuhlungu buze bube bude.

Khuluma ngakho…

Ingxoxo nomunye umuntu mayelana nokuthi uzizwa kanjani ingabonakala isabisa, kepha imvamisa iyindlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nalesi simo.

Uma uzwa ezinye izimpawu ezididayo, njengokuziphatha kocansi noma ukushukuma kothando, okuvela kumuntu onentshisekelo kukho, ukukhuluma ngalezo zinto kungasiza. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukutolika ukuziphatha kothile, ngakho-ke ungahle ungazi kahle ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngaphandle kokuthi bakutshele.

Uzizwe unamandla ngokweqile? Kuhle futhi kahle ukukhuluma nje nomngani omethembayo ngalokho obhekene nakho. Kwesinye isikhathi, ukukhipha le mizwa esifubeni sakho kunganikeza ukukhululeka.

… Kepha ungalibali

Uyavuma ukuthi uyamthanda umngani, kodwa bayakulahla. Ulimale, kepha ufuna ukuhlala ungabangani. Indlela engcono yokwenza lokhu ukugxila ebunganeni bakho.

Uma bekubeke kwacaca ukuthi abanantshisekelo ekubandakanyekeni kwezothando, yeka indaba yezothando. Ukuqhubeka nokuzilandela noma unethemba lokuthi bazoguquka inhliziyo ekugcineni kungabakhungathekisa, kulimaze ubungane bakho, futhi kukuzwise ubuhlungu obengeziwe.

Kodwa ungazizwa sengathi kufanele uphoqe ubungani bakho njengamanje, futhi. Kuyinto evamile ngokuphelele ukuthi udinga isikhala nesikhathi sokuphulukisa.

Zizwe imizwa yakho…

Uthando olungafuneki ngokuvamile lubandakanya imizwa eminingi, hhayi yonke engemihle.

Ungazizwa uthokozile ukubona umuntu omthandayo, ephezulu emhlabeni lapho ufika ukuchitha isikhathi naye, futhi udabuke ngokujulile lapho ubona ukuthi awusoze waba nokuningi ngaphandle kobungane babo.

Zama ukwenza ukwamukela okucabangayo ngayo yonke le mizwa. Bemukele njengoba bekhuphuka ngaphandle kokufaka ukwahlulela kubo. Vele ubanake bese ubavumela badlule. Ukubhala ngabo njengoba ubabona (ngisho nalabo abalimazayo) nakho kungasiza.

… Bese uziphazamisa

Yonke imizwa yakho ivumelekile, futhi ukuyibona nokuyamukela kungakusiza ukuthi uye phambili.

Kepha zama ukugcina ibhalansi ethile, njengoba isikhathi esiningi sokugoqana singagcina sikwenza ube lusizi ngokwengeziwe. Phakathi nosuku, kungasiza ukubeka imizwa eceleni kuze kube yilapho unesikhathi nendawo yokubhekana nayo.

Shintsha isiteshi sakho

Nazi ezinye izindlela zokususa amagiya:

• Zama ukwenza isikhathi esengeziwe lapho ungakwazi khona ukwenza izinto ozithandayo, abangane nezinye izinto ezijabulisayo.
• Zinakekele ngokudla njalo futhi uhlale usebenza.
• Ziphathe ngokwakho ngento encane, noma ngabe izimbali ezintsha, ukudla okumnandi, noma incwadi entsha noma i-movie.
• Cabanga ukuthandana ngokunganaki, uma usulungele, ukuthola umlingani ngubani kuyakwenza buyisa imizwa yakho.

Thola incazelo kokuhlangenwe nakho

"Akukona kangako ngokwenzeka kithi empilweni, kuningi ngendlela yokuthi kufanele sisabele kanjani kulesi simo esikuso," kusho u-Egel.

Wathanda umuntu othile futhi wafuna ukuthandwa naye. Mhlawumbe awutholanga umphumela obewuthemba, kepha lokho akusho ukuthi uthando lwakho alunamqondo.Kukhona okufundile ngawe? Sikhule ngandlela thile? Uhlakulele ubungane obuqinile nomuntu?

Ukwenqatshwa kungadala ubuhlungu, kepha uthando lungahlala futhi lube maphakathi nothando oluhlukile olufana nobungani. Kungase kungabonakali kududuza kakhulu manje, kodwa ngolunye usuku ungabazisa lobu bungane nakakhulu.

Zibuze ukuthi ufunani ngempela

"Imizwa yakho ihlale ixhumana nawe," kusho u-Egel. “Njengoba unaka iqiniso lesipiliyoni sakho, imizwa yakho ingakusiza ikukhombe lapho ikulungele khona.”

Mhlawumbe isipiliyoni sakho sikufundise kabanzi ngohlobo lomuntu okhangwe yilo, isibonelo.

Uma uqhubeka uhlangabezana nothando olungafuneki, kungasiza ukucabanga ukuthi ngabe leli phethini liyasho okuthile ngezidingo zakho. Ukuthandana nabantu abangabuyiseli imizwa yakho kungasikisela ukuthi uzizwe sengathi kufanele uthandane nothile lapho ujabulile wedwa ngempela. Mhlawumbe awufuni ngempela ubuhlobo - akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokho.

Ungaluthola nini usizo

Ukubhekana nothando olungafuneki yisizathu esizwakalayo sokufuna usizo lodokotela ofanelekayo.

I-Stringer iphakamisa ukuthi ukwelashwa kungasiza kakhulu uma:

• Awukwazi ukuyeka ukulandela omunye umuntu ngemuva kokuthi asho ukuthi akanantshisekelo.
• Uchitha isikhathi esiningi ucabanga ngomunye umuntu kuphazamisa impilo yakho yansuku zonke.
• Abangane nabathandekayo bazwakalisa ukukhathazeka ngokuziphatha kwakho.

Uma uzizwa ucindezelekile, ungenathemba, noma unemicabango yokuzibulala, kungcono ukhulume nochwepheshe oqeqeshiwe zisuka nje.

Uma udinga usizo manje

Uma ucabanga ukuzibulala noma unemicabango yokuzilimaza, ungashayela i-Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration ku-800-662-HELP (4357).

Ucingo lwangama-24/7 luzokuxhumanisa nemithombo yezempilo yengqondo endaweni yangakini. Ochwepheshe abaqeqeshiwe bangakusiza nokuthi uthole izinsiza zombuso wakho zokwelashwa uma ungenawo umshuwalense wezempilo.

Kuwukuhlakanipha futhi ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe uma imizwa yakho iholela ekuziphatheni okungaba yinkinga, njengokulandela lowo muntu, ukulinda eduze kwendlu yakhe noma emsebenzini, noma ezinye izenzo ezingabonakala njengokucathamela.

Ngokusho kuka-Egel, ukudonselwa othandweni oluhlangothini olulodwa kungaphakamisa nokuthi ubhekene nensalela ethile engokomzwelo noma okwedlule okungavuselwanga. Ukwelashwa kungakusiza ukubhekana nalokhu, okungasiza ukucacisa indlela yokuheha nobabili.

Kuthiwani uma kunguwe ongazizwa ngendlela efanayo?

Ukwenqaba umuntu ngomusa akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi, ikakhulukazi uma umkhathalela ngempela lowo muntu.

Ungase ucabange nokuzama ukuphola nabo esikhundleni sokubona ukuthi kwenzekani. Kepha uma uqinisekile ukuthi awunantshisekelo yothando, lokhu kungahle kube yinkimbinkimbi kini nobabili.

Nawa amanye amathiphu wokuzulazula kulesi simo ngomusa

Ukugwema ngokuvamile akusizi

Ungahle ufune ukubagwema kuze kuphele imizwa yabo, kodwa lokhu kungakulimaza nobabili, ikakhulukazi uma ningabangane abahle. Esikhundleni salokho, zama ukukhuluma ngesimo. Lokhu kungahle kungaphatheki kahle, kepha ingxoxo ethembekile inganisiza nobabili niqhubekele phambili.

Qaphela ukuthi ukuveza kanjani ukungabi nentshisekelo kwakho. Thembeka, kodwa ube nomusa. Yisho izinto enizenzayo ezibalulekile ngazo ngaphambi kokuchaza ukuthi kungani ningaboni nobabili njengezithandani.

Nikeza ububele

Kungenzeka ukuthi, uke waba nemizwa ngomuntu ongazange ayibuyise ngesikhathi esithile. Cabanga emuva ukuthi lokhu kukwenze wazizwa kanjani. Yini eyayizokusiza ngaleso sikhathi?

Noma ungakaze uhlangabezane nothando olungathandeki, ukunikela ngomusa kuze kube yilapho umuthi wokwenqatshwa uphela kungasiza omunye umuntu athole induduzo ebunganeni bakho obukhona.

Yenza ukwenqaba kwakho kucace

Kubalulekile ukusho ngokusobala ukuthi awunantshisekelo. Ungahle ungafuni ukulimaza imizwa yabo ngokungagunci, "Angizizwa ngaleyo ndlela ngawe." Kepha ukwenqaba okungaqondakali noma okungaqondakali kungabakhuthaza ukuthi baqhubeke nokuzama.

Ukuba phambili manje kungasiza ekuvimbeleni ubuhlungu bakamuva nokukhungatheka kini nobabili.

Zama:

• "Ubalulekile kimi futhi ngiyasazisa isikhathi esisichitha ndawonye, ​​kodwa ngikubona njengomngani kuphela."
• “Anginantshisekelo nawe kwezothando, kodwa ngifuna ukuhlala ngabangane abahle. Singakwenza kanjani lokho? ”

Gwema ukusho izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Uzothola umuntu okufanele," noma, "Angikulungele." Lokhu kungabonakala njengokucasula. Bangakhuthaza nokusabela okufana nokuthi, "Awu, wazi kanjani ngaphandle kokuthi sizame?"

Okubalulekile

Uthando olungafuneki lungaba lukhuni kuwo wonke umuntu obandakanyekayo, kepha izinto kuthanda iba ngcono ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Uma unenkinga, ukwelashwa kungahlala kunikeza indawo ephephile, engenahlulelo ukuze usebenze ngemizwa yakho.

UCrystal Raypole wake wasebenza njengombhali nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Imikhakha yakhe enentshisekelo ifaka izilimi nezincwadi zase-Asia, ukuhunyushwa kwesiJapane, ukupheka, isayensi yemvelo, ukuzethemba ngocansi, nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukhethekile, uzibophezele ekusizeni ukunciphisa ukucwaswa okuzungeze izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo.