Imiphumela Ehlala Njalo Yokuklabalasa Izingane Zakho

-Delile

• Ukubuka konke
• Kungani abazali bememeza?
• Imiphumela yokumemeza
• Ezinye izindlela zokukhulisa izwi lakho
• 1. Zinike isikhathi sokuvala
• 2. Khuluma ngemizwa
• 3. Bhekana nokuziphatha okubi ngomoya ophansi, kodwa ngokuqinile
• 4. Sebenzisa imiphumela, kodwa shiya izinsongo
• Igama ngezidingo eziyisisekelo
• Okufanele ukwenze uma umemeza
• Ngabe intukuthelo yakho isijule kakhulu?

Ukubuka konke

Uma ungumzali, uyazi ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi imizwa iba namandla kuwe. Ngandlela thile izingane zingazicindezela ngempela lezo zinkinobho obungazi ukuthi unazo. Futhi ngaphambi kokuba wazi, umemeza usuka phezulu emaphashini akho.

Awuwedwa ekwenzeni lokho, futhi imizwa yakho yokukhungatheka kwabazali ijwayelekile. Izindaba ezimnandi ukuthi ungayiguqula indlela okhuluma ngayo nezingane zakho, ushintshe usuke esibonelweni esimemezayo uye kwingxoxo ehloniphayo.

Kungani abazali bememeza?

Impendulo emfushane yingoba sizizwa sikhungathekile noma sithukuthele, okusenza siphakamise amazwi ethu. Kepha lokho akuvamile ukuxazulula isimo. Kungathula izingane futhi kuzenze zilalele isikhashana, kepha ngeke kuzenze zilungise indlela eziziphatha ngayo noma izimo zengqondo zazo.

Ngamafuphi, kubafundisa ukuthi bakwesabe kunokuba baqonde imiphumela yezenzo zabo.

Izingane zithembele kubazali bazo ekufundeni. Uma intukuthelo nolaka oluhambisana nakho njengokumemeza kuyingxenye yalokho ingane ekubona “njengokujwayelekile” emndenini wayo, ukuziphatha kwabo kuzokukhombisa lokho.

Umbhali nomfundisi womzali uLaura Markham, Ph.D., unomyalezo oqondile: Umsebenzi wakho wokuqala njengomzali, ngemuva kokuqinisekisa ukuphepha kwezingane zakho, ukuphatha imizwa yakho.

Imiphumela yokumemeza

Uma uke waklabalaliswa, uyazi ukuthi izwi elikhulu aliwenzi umyalezo ucace. Izingane zakho azihlukile. Ukumemeza kuzobenza bashube futhi isiyalo sizoba nzima, ngoba isikhathi ngasinye lapho uphakamisa izwi lakho kwehlisa ukwamukelwa kwabo.

Okwakamuva kuveza ukuthi ukumemeza kwenza izingane zibe nolaka ngokwengeziwe, ngokomzimba nangamazwi. Ukumemeza ngokujwayelekile, noma ngabe uthini umongo, ukubonakaliswa kwentukuthelo.Kuyethusa izingane futhi kuzenze zizizwe zingavikelekile.

Ukuthula, ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuyaqinisa, okwenza izingane zizizwe zithandwa futhi zamukelwa naphezu kokuziphatha okubi.

Uma ukuthethisa izingane akuyona into enhle, ukumemeza okuza nokubekwa ngamazwi nokuthukwa kungakufanelekela njengokuhlukumeza okungokomzwelo. Kukhonjisiwe ukuthi kunemiphumela yesikhathi eside, njengokukhathazeka, ukuzethemba okuphansi, kanye nokwanda kobudlova.

Futhi kwenza izingane zithambekele kakhulu ekuxhashazweni ngoba ukuqonda kwazo kwemingcele enempilo nokuzihlonipha kusontekile.

Ezinye izindlela zokukhulisa izwi lakho

Izingane ezinokuxhumana okungokomzwelo okuqinile nabazali bazo kulula ukuziyala. Lapho izingane zizizwa ziphephile futhi zithandwa ngokungenamibandela, zizokwamukela kangcono ukuxoxisana futhi zilalele ngaphambi kokuba udweshu lukhule lube yisiqephu sokumemeza esithukuthele.

Nakhu ukuthi ungazijwayeza kanjani ukuyala okuhle okungabandakanyi ukumemeza.

1. Zinike isikhathi sokuvala

Zibambe ngaphambi kokuthukuthela kangangokuba wehluleke ukuzibamba futhi uphakamise izwi lakho. Ngokusuka endaweni engqubuzanayo isikhashana, uzinika ithuba lokuhlola kabusha uphefumulele phezulu, okuzokusiza wehlise umoya.

Iphinde ifundise izingane zakho ngemingcele nokulawula imizwa enamandla ngendlela enempilo.

2. Khuluma ngemizwa

Intukuthelo umuzwa ojwayelekile umuntu angafunda kuwo uma uphethwe kahle. Ngokwazisa yonke imizwa, kusuka enjabulweni nasenjabulweni, ulaka, umona, nokukhungatheka, ufundisa izingane zakho ukuthi zonke ziyingxenye yomlando wethu womuntu.

Khuluma ngendlela ozizwa ngayo futhi ukhuthaze izingane zakho ukuba zenze okufanayo. Kuzobasiza ukuthi bahlakulele isimo senhlonipho kubo nakwabanye futhi bakhe ubudlelwane obunempilo empilweni.

3. Bhekana nokuziphatha okubi ngomoya ophansi, kodwa ngokuqinile

Izingane ziziphatha kabi ngezikhathi ezithile. Leyo yingxenye yokukhula. Khuluma nabo ngendlela eqinile eshiya isithunzi sabo siphelele kepha ikubeke kucace ukuthi izindlela ezithile zokuziphatha azibekezeleleki.

Yehlela ezingeni lamehlo abo kunokuba ukhulume nabo usuka phezulu noma ukude. Ngasikhathi sinye, khumbula ukwazisa indlela yokuziphatha enenhlonipho nokuxazulula izinkinga phakathi kwabo.

4. Sebenzisa imiphumela, kodwa shiya izinsongo

Ngokusho kukaBarbara Coloroso, umbhali wencwadi ethi “Izingane Ziyakufanelekela !,” esebenzisa izinsongo nezijeziso kudala imizwa yentukuthelo, intukuthelo nezingxabano. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, zivimbela ingane yakho ekuthuthukiseni isiyalo sangaphakathi.

Izinsongo nokujeziswa kululaza futhi kuhlaze izingane, kuzenze zizizwe zingavikelekile. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, imiphumela ebhekana nokuziphatha okuthile kepha iza nesixwayiso esifanele (njengokuthatha ithoyizi ngemuva kokuchaza ukuthi amathoyizi ayadlala, hhayi ukushaya) kusiza izingane zikhethe kangcono.

Igama ngezidingo eziyisisekelo

Ukuba nezidingo eziyisisekelo kuhlangatshezwane nazo, njengokulala nendlala, kugcina izingane zijabule futhi kwenzela ukuziphatha okungcono jikelele. Futhi, ukusungula imikhuba kuzobasiza ukuthi bangakhathazeki kangako futhi kunciphise nengozi yokwenza izinto.

Okufanele ukwenze uma umemeza

Akunandaba noma ngabe isu lakho lokuvikela ukumemeza lilunge kangakanani, kwesinye isikhathi uzophakamisa izwi lakho. Kulungile. Yiba ngowakho futhi uxolise, futhi izingane zakho zizofunda isifundo esibalulekile: Sonke siyawenza amaphutha futhi sidinga ukuxolisa.

Uma izingane zakho zimemeza, zikhumbuze ngemingcele nokuthi ukumemeza akuyona indlela eyamukelekayo yokuxhumana. Badinga ukwazi ukuthi ukulungele ukulalela inqobo nje uma bekhombisa inhlonipho.

Imodeli efanayo ngokuzivumela isikhathi sokupholisa izinjini zakho ngaphambi kokukhuluma nezingane zakho lapho ucasukile noma ukhungathekile.

Uzobasiza ukuthi bakhe imikhuba yempilo yonke eyenza ukulawulwa kwezingxabano kube lula. Lokho kuzofundisa izingane zakho ukuthi ziqonde amaphutha, ezabo nabanye abantu, nokuthi ukuthethelela kuyithuluzi elibalulekile lokuxhumana okunempilo emndenini.

Uma kuze kube manje uthembele ekukhaleni ukuze ujezise izingane zakho, mhlawumbe uyayibona imiphumela yako:

• Izingane zakho zingahle zincike ekumemezeni ukuze zithumele imilayezo yazo komunye nomunye.
• Baphindisela futhi baze bakumemeze kunokuba bakhulume ngenhlonipho.
• Ubudlelwano bakho nabo abuzinzile futhi buyashintshashintsha kuze kufike ezingeni lokungakwazi ukuxhumana ngendlela enempilo.
• Bangase baqhele kuwe futhi bathonywe kakhulu ontanga yabo kunawe.

Ungakushintsha konke lokho. Qala ngokuba nenkulumo engagunci nezingane zakho ngokungahambi kahle kokumemeza nokuthi kungani ukubonisa intukuthelo yakho ngaleyo ndlela kungaphilile.

Yenza ikhaya lakho libe yindawo ezolile lapho abantu baxhumana khona ngenhlonipho futhi bazisa imizwa yomunye nomunye ngaphandle kokugxeka, ukuhlazisa, noma ukwahlulela. Ukuzibophezela ngokungagunci kugcina inkhulumomphendvulwano ivulekile futhi kugcina wonke umuntu emndenini ephendula.

Uma wenza amaphutha, ungayeki. Akuwona umgwaqo olula kodwa ufanele yonke imizamo.

Ngabe intukuthelo yakho isijule kakhulu?

Uma ulaka lwakho luhlala luphumela ezinganeni zakho futhi unenkinga yokulawula intukuthelo yakho njalo, ukuqaphela ukuthi unenkinga isinyathelo sokuqala sokufunda ukuyilawula.

Lokhu kuzokusiza uzizwe ungcono ngawe futhi ukhulume ngendlela ezolile nenothando nezingane zakho.

Ngokwe-American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, ezinye zezimpawu ezikhomba ezinkingeni zentukuthelo zihlanganisa:

• ukuthukuthela ngokungafanele ngezinkinga ezibonakala zincane
• ukuhlangabezana nezimpawu ezihlobene nengcindezi ezifana nomfutho wegazi ophakeme, ubuhlungu besisu, noma ukukhathazeka
• ukuzizwa nginecala futhi ngidabukile ngemuva kwesiqephu sentukuthelo, kepha ukubona iphethini kuphinda kaningi
• ukubamba izingxabano nabanye abantu esikhundleni sokuba nezingxoxo ezihloniphanayo

Umelaphi angakusiza ukuthi wakhe izindlela zokuzola futhi uvikele ukuqhuma futhi akusize ulungise nemiphumela elimazayo yentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni bakho nabathandekayo bakho.