Yini Ebhekwa 'njengendawo yokulala efile' futhi ilungiswa kanjani?

-Delile

• Noma yimuphi umbhangqwana ungathola igumbi lokulala elifile
• Ngabe "ukufa" kusho ukungabi nocansi ngokuphelele?
• Manje yini ngempela?
• Kubangelwa yini?
• Ukucindezeleka
• Izinguquko zomzimba
• Izingane
• Ukungabi nokwaneliseka
• Uyiveza kanjani kumlingani wakho?
• Wazi kanjani ukuthi "ikamelo lakho lokulala elifile" liwuphawu lwenkinga enkulu?
• Yini ongayenza ukuze uqhubekele phambili?
• Yenza uhlelo
• Khulisa uthando lwansuku zonke
• Qabula nje
• Hlola ezinye izinhlobo zokusondelana
• Iya ezitolo
• Okubalulekile

Noma yimuphi umbhangqwana ungathola igumbi lokulala elifile

Igama elithi "ukufa kombhede wezithandani" belilokhu likhona kusukela lapho, kahle, isikhathi eside njengoba kube khona ama-U-hauls. Kubhekisa entweni ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside lapho ukuya ocansini ku-MIA.

Muva nje, kuyo, sekuvele igama elisha elihlanganisa ubulili nobulili, linqekuzisa ikhanda ngeqiniso noma yini Impilo yocansi yombhangqwana ingathatha ithuba ibheke kokungabikho.

Kwethulwa: igumbi lokulala elifile.

Ngabe "ukufa" kusho ukungabi nocansi ngokuphelele?

Ingakwazi. Kepha lokho akunikiwe.

"Igumbi lokulala elifile akulona ukuxilongwa komtholampilo," kusho uJess O'Reilly, PhD, umphathi we @SexWithDrJess Podcast.

Azikho izivumelwano ezisemthethweni zokuxilonga eziseduze nokuthi ubenesikhathi esingakanani ungahlali ocansini noma ukuthi uvame kangakanani ukuya ocansini ukuze ube ebudlelwaneni bokulala obufile.

“Abanye abantu basikisela ukuthi izinyanga eziyisithupha ngaphandle kocansi ziyahlangabezana nalezi zindlela zokulala ezifile; abanye bathi kufanele uhambe isikhathi eside ngaphandle kocansi kunalokho, ”kusho uDkt O’Reilly.

"Ngempela ayikho inombolo eyodwa ongayibamba futhi usho okuncane kunaleyo yokulala efile," kusho uLisa Finn, ofundisa ngocansi endaweni yamathoyizi ezocansi iBabeland.

Bobabili uFinn noDkt O’Reilly bathi wonke umuntu nezithandani bathola isinqumo sokuthi yini ebaluleke njengegumbi lokulala elifile kubo.

"Abanye abashadikazi baya ocansini amahlandla ama-3 noma ama-5 ngesonto eminyakeni embalwa yokuqala yobudlelwano babo, bese beqala ukuya ocansini kanye ngesonto bese bethi banegumbi lokulala elifile," kusho uFinn. "Eminye imibhangqwana ihlale yaya ocansini ngezinsuku ezikhethekile nangezinsuku zokuzalwa, futhi ayizwa sengathi impilo yazo yezocansi ifile."

Ngaphezu kwalokho, eminye imibhangqwana engashadile ikhetha ukugwema izenzo ezithile zocansi kuze kube semshadweni, kodwa ihlanganyela kwezinye izinhlobo zokudlala ngokwenyama futhi ibingazibheki njengesomiso.

Manje yini ngempela?

Ngokuyinhloko, igumbi lokulala elifile kulapho wena nomlingani wakho beninenkambiso yezocansi futhi seniphambukile kulokho - kungaba okwesikhashana noma unomphela.

UFinn uthi lezi zinto zingabalwa njengegumbi lokulala elifile:

• Wena nomlingani wakho nenza ucansi oluncane kune "evamile" yenu.
• Wena noma umlingani wakho nigwema ngokucophelela ukuxhumana ngokocansi noma ngokomzimba nomunye.
• Wena noma umlingani wakho nizohlukanisa ucansi lwenu "lube mnandi kancane" kunokujwayelekile.
• Wena noma umlingani wakho anenelisekile ukuthi uya ocansini kangaki.

Kubangelwa yini?

Thatha umqulu ekhasini le-subreddit r / DeadBedrooms, elinamalungu angaphezu kwe-200,000, futhi uzobona ukuthi kunezizathu eziningi zokuphila kobulili kwabashadikazi okungashintsha.

Baqhuba umdlalo kusuka kokusebenza ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo kuya engqondweni nasemzimbeni. Nazi ezinye ezivame kakhulu:

Ukucindezeleka

Ngokuya ngohlolo lweBodyLogicMD lwabantu abayi-1 000 abanegumbi lokulala elifile, ukucindezelwa komsebenzi kwakuyimbangela yokuqala.

Uma ubheka imiphumela yomzimba yokuxineka emzimbeni, lokhu kunengqondo.

"Ama-hormone okucindezeleka empeleni angaphazamisa impendulo yethu evusa inkanuko kanye ne-libido," kusho uDkt O'Reilly.

Uyanezela: "Uma unengcindezi yezezimali, uzama nje ukuzondla, noma ukhathazekile ngokuphepha kwakho nokusinda kwakho, ucansi kungaba yinto ecebe kakhulu engqondweni yakho."

Izinguquko zomzimba

Kujwayelekile impela ukuthi izinguquko ezithile zomzimba zithinte impilo yakho yezocansi.

Isibonelo, kubantu abane-vulvas, ukunqamuka kokuya esikhathini kungaholela ekunciphiseni i-libido futhi kunciphise ukuthambisa kwemvelo.

Futhi kubantu abane-penises, kukhona ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile, okuvame ukuvela kamuva empilweni.

Ukungalingani kwehomoni, ukuzuza kwesisindo, ukugula okungamahlalakhona, nokulimala nakho kungadlala indima ekuguquleni impilo yakho yezocansi.

Kodwa-ke, lezi zinto aziqondile ngqo imbangela ikamelo lokulala elifile. Bayizidlamlilo nje, kusho uDkt. O'Reilly. "Uma wena nomlingani wakho ningakhulumi ngalezi zinguquko futhi nenze izinguquko ezinivumela ukuba nizulazule ngokukhululeka kocansi, lezi zinkinga zingaholela ocansini oluncane."

Izingane

"Isizathu esivame kakhulu ukusibona ekamelweni elifile sihilela ukuba nezingane," kusho uDkt. O'Reilly.

Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi izingane ziba yindawo yokugxila kanye nokuhamba phambili, futhi ubudlelwano buwela eceleni kwendlela.

Ukungabi nokwaneliseka

"Uma ungalujabuleli ucansi onalo, ngeke ufune ukuba nalo," kusho uDkt O'Reilly. Kulungile!

Uyiveza kanjani kumlingani wakho?

Lokho kuya ngokuthi kungani usiletha.

Eminye imibuzo ongayisebenzisa ngaphambi kokukhuluma nomlingani wakho:

• Ngabe ngifuna ukwenza ucansi oluningi kunami?
• Ngabe ngifuna ukuba nayo nomlingani wami?
• Ngabe kukhona umzuzu owodwa othize, umcimbi, noma into eholele kulolu shintsho?
• Ngabe ngizwa noma imuphi umuzwa (njengokudinwa noma ukuba necala) okuphazamise intshisekelo yami kwezocansi?

Ukugwema ukuya ocansini, noma ukuya ocansini "okuncane", akuyona inkinga ngokwemvelo.

Abanye abantu abafuni ukuya ocansini futhi uma nobabili ekhasini elilodwa, ningaba nobudlelwano obugcwalisa ngokuphelele, kusho uDkt O’Reilly.

Uma ngabe ujabulile ngempilo yakho yezocansi (engekho kakhulu), ungahle uthande ukuhlola izinga lokushisa bese ubona ukuthi umlingani wakho wenelisekile yini.

Zama: “Ngiyithanda kakhulu indlela ukusondelana okubukeka ngayo ebudlelwaneni bethu, futhi ikakhulukazi ngijabulela [ukufaka indlela ogcina ngayo ukuxhumana ngaphandle kwezocansi lapha]. Bengifuna ukubheka ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngobudlelwano bethu. "

Uma unquma ukuthi isikhathi esinciphile se-sexy siyakukhathaza futhi ufuna ukuba nobulili obuningi kunalokho onakho - ikakhulukazi nomlingani wakho - sekuyisikhathi sokuxoxa.

UFinn uthi: “Ufuna ukusebenzisa indlela yokungasoli muntu. Lokhu kubalulekile! "Inhloso yengxoxo akukhona ukukhuluma ngokungahambi kahle, kodwa ukuxoxa ngalokho ongathanda ukubona okuningi ngakho."

Uzizwa uboshwe ulimi? UFinn uphakamisa isifanekiso esilandelayo:

1. Khuluma ngento ebihamba kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho
2. Babuze ukuthi bebezizwa kanjani
3. Yabelana ngokuthanda kwakho ukubona okuningi
4. Dala isikhala ukuze babelane ngokufanayo

Uma umzamo wakho wokuqala ungazizwa ukhiqiza, zama futhi.

Uma okwesibili uzizwa ngokufanayo, ungafuna umelaphi wezocansi noma wabashadikazi, ongakwazi ukuqhuba ingxoxo futhi akusize nobabili nizizwe nizwakala.

Wazi kanjani ukuthi "ikamelo lakho lokulala elifile" liwuphawu lwenkinga enkulu?

"Izinkinga azisebenzi endaweni engenalutho, ngakho-ke kungenzeka ngokuphelele ukuthi impilo yakho yezocansi ishintshile ngenxa yenkinga ejulile ebudlelwaneni," kusho uDkt O'Reilly.

Isibonelo, uma umlingani oyedwa enza isabelo esikhulu sokunakekelwa kwasekhaya, ukukhulisa izingane, noma ukusebenza ngokomzwelo, akuvamile ukuthi lowo muntu alahlekelwe intshisekelo yokuya ocansini nomlingani wakhe.

Kuyafana futhi uma omunye ezonda omunye nganoma yini enye imbangela, njengokufuduswa komsebenzi, ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa, noma ukungathembeki.

“Intukuthelo iwukuphikisa izifiso nobumnandi,” kusho uDkt.

UFinn uthi kujwayelekile ukuthi abantu bavale ngokomzimba uma bechitha ngokomzwelo. Futhi, kwezinye izimo, "igumbi lokulala elifile" kuwuphawu lokuthi uhlolile ebudlelwaneni.

Yini ongayenza ukuze uqhubekele phambili?

Kuya ngalokho wena funa Qhubekela phambili.

Uma ungathanda ucansi oluningi kepha umlingani wakho engaluthandi, ungazama:

• ukubukela izithombe ezingcolile
• ukushaya indlwabu noma ndawonye
• ukuzama amathoyizi amasha ocansi
• ugibele umshini wezocansi
• ukuya ephathini yocansi

Ungase futhi ucabangele ukungahambi komuntu oyedwa.

Uma ufuna ukuba nobulili obuhlukanisiwe kakhulu kunomlingani wakho, futhi omunye wenu noma nobabili anifuni ukuvula ubudlelwano, uFinn uthi: "Kungase kudingeke ukuthi ubuqede."

Ditto uma kunenkinga eyisisekelo umlingani wakho angazimisele ukusebenzisana nawe. Noma ukuthi awuzimisele ukusebenza nabo.

Kepha uma wena nomlingani wakho nobabili nifuna ukubuyisela impilo empilweni yenu yezocansi, uDkt O'Reilly unezeluleko ezilandelayo:

Yenza uhlelo

“Ufuna ukuya ocansini kangaki? Khuluma ngakho! ” kusho uDkt O'Reilly. Bese uthola indlela yokwenza lokho kwenzeke.

Khulisa uthando lwansuku zonke

Akudingeki ukuthi uziphoqe ukuba nihlanganyele ocansini, kodwa ngabe nizovulekela ukushushuluza kusofa ngenkathi nibuka iNetflix? Kuthiwani ngenkathi unqunu?

Qabula nje

Nikezane ngokubhucunga umzimba ngokwengeziwe, uma lokho kuyinjongo efinyeleleka kakhudlwana. Qala ngemizuzu eyi-10 ngosuku.

"Izinyathelo ezincane ezisatshalaliswa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi zinamathuba amaningi okuletha imiphumela emihle kunezinguquko ezinkulu okunzima ukuzifeza nokuzigcina," kusho uDkt O'Reilly.

Hlola ezinye izinhlobo zokusondelana

Uma ungekho esimeni, ucansi lungazizwa lufinyelela kude.

Cabanga ngokubuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile, ukuqabula, ukushaya indlwabu eduze, ukubhucunga umzimba, noma ukushawa nomlingani wakho, kuphakamisa uDkt O'Reilly.

Uma kukufaka esimweni sengqondo, yiba nakho! Uma kungenjalo, akukho ngcindezi.

Iya ezitolo

Ukusuka ku-lube kuya kuma-vibrator kuya kumasongo epenisi, izinsika zocansi zingaphefumulela impilo entsha egumbini lakho lokulala.

Okubalulekile

Njengokukopela, ukukopela okumbalwa, ucansi, ne-kink, okubaluleke njenge “gumbi lokulala elifile” kuyahlukahluka ebudlelwaneni, ngokuya ngesilinganiso sakho sesikhathi esimnandi.

Izinto eziningi zingaholela ekamelweni lokufa - ezinye zibonisa inkinga enkulu ebudlelwaneni, ezinye hhayi. Akunandaba, uma kukhathaza oyedwa noma abalingani abaningi, sekuyisikhathi sokukhuluma ngakho.

Leyo nkulumo ingaba inkulumo yokuhlukana, inkulumo yokwakheka, noma ingakusiza ukubeka uhlelo endaweni ye-hanky-panky eyengeziwe.

UGabrielle Kassel ungumbhali wezocansi nowezempilo ozinze eNew York noMqeqeshi weCrossFit Level 1. Ube ngumuntu wasekuseni, uvivinye ama-vibrator angaphezu kwama-200, futhi wadliwa, wadakwa, futhi wahluzwa ngamalahle - konke egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala, angatholakala efunda izincwadi zokuzisiza namanoveli othando, ukucindezela ibhentshi, noma ukudansa kwepali. Mlandele Instagram.