Ukukhulelwa Okulahlekile Nothando Olulahlekile: Ukuthi Ukuphuphuma Kwesisu Kubuthinta Kanjani Ubudlelwano Bakho

-Delile

• Okushiwo ucwaningo
• Ukunqoba ukuthula

Ukulahlekelwa ukukhulelwa akudingeki kusho ukuphela kobudlelwano bakho. Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo.

Ayikho indlela yokwenza i-sugarcoat okwenzekayo ngesikhathi sokuphuphuma kwesisu. Impela, wonke umuntu uyazi ngezinto eziyisisekelo zalokho okwenzekayo, ngobuchwepheshe. Kepha ngale kokubonakaliswa komzimba kokukhulelwa kwesisu, engeza ekucindezelekeni, osizini, nasemizweni, futhi kungahle, ngokuqondakalayo, kube nzima futhi kudideke. Futhi lokhu ngokungangabazeki kungaba nomthelela ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Izibalo zikhomba ukuthi cishe amaphesenti ayi-10 ezikhulelwa ezaziwayo agcina ngokuphuphuma kwesisu ku-trimester yokuqala. Noma ngabe uzama ukuba nomntwana noma bekumangazile, lokhu kulahlekelwa kungakhipha futhi kubhubhise.

Ngenkathi wonke umuntu ezocubungula ukulahlekelwa kwakhe ngendlela ehlukile, kungaba umcimbi ohlukumezayo, futhi kwabashadile, ukukhulelwa kwesisu kungaletha nina nobabili noma kunenze nihlukane.

Akubonakali kulungile, akunjalo? Usanda kwenzeka lesi sehlakalo esibuhlungu, futhi into yokugcina okudingeka ukhathazeke ngayo ukuthi ngabe ubudlelwano bakho buzophila yini.

Okushiwo ucwaningo

Ucwaningo lukhombisile ukuthi noma yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka kungathinta ubudlelwane bakho, futhi lokhu kuyiqiniso ngokukhulelwa kwesisu. Ukubheka ukuthi ukukhulelwa kwesisu nokubeletha kungabuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano bakho, futhi imiphumela yamangaza kakhulu.

Imibhangqwana eshadile noma ehlala ndawonye eyaphuphunyelwa yisisu yayingamaphesenti angama-22 amathuba okuthi ihlukane ngokungafani nemibhangqwana eyayinengane enempilo ngesikhathi. Kwabashadikazi ababelethe ingane izelwe, leli nani laliphakeme kakhulu, ngamaphesenti angama-40 emibhangqwana ekugcineni aqeda ubuhlobo bawo.

Akuyona into engavamile ukuhlukana ngaphandle kokuphuphuma kwesisu ngoba usizi luyinkimbinkimbi. Uma kungokokuqala ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nilile ndawonye, ​​nifunda ngani kanyekanye ngesikhathi esisodwa.

Abanye abantu bazihlukanisa ukuze basebenze ngemizwa yabo. Abanye baphendukela kunoma yini egcina izingqondo zabo zimatasa futhi bazilahlekele ekuphazamisweni. Abanye bagxile kakhulu kuleyo mibuzo-ukuthi yini engasenza sihlale sinecala.

Ukukhathazeka okufana nokuthi, "Ngabe ngiyoke ngibe nengane?" “Ngabe kukhona engikwenzile ukubangela ukuphuphunyelwa yisisu?” "Kungani umlingani wami engabonakali edangele njengami?" ukwesaba okuvamile futhi kungaholela ekuxabaneni ebudlelwaneni uma kushiywe kungaxoxwa.

Ucwaningo oludala lwango-2003 lwathola ukuthi amaphesenti angama-32 abesifazane azizwa “ebudlelwaneni” bude kakhulu nomyeni wabo ngonyaka owodwa ngemuva kokuphuphunyelwa yisisu kanti amaphesenti angama-39 azizwa eqhelelene kakhulu ngokocansi.

Uma uzwa lezo zinombolo, akunzima ukubona ukuthi kungani kunobudlelwano obuningi kangaka obufinyelela esiphethweni ngemuva kokukhishwa kwesisu.

Ukunqoba ukuthula

Ngenkathi izibalo zokwahlukana ziphezulu, ukwahlukana ngokuqinisekile akubekwanga etsheni, ikakhulukazi uma wazi ukuthi ukuphuma kwesisu kungabuthinta kanjani ubudlelwano bakho.

Umbhali oholayo wocwaningo oluthile, uDkt. Katherine Gold, uprofesa osebenzisana naye e-University of Michigan e-Ann Arbor, utshele i-CNN ukuthi awudingi “ukwethuka ucabange ukuthi ngenxa yokuthi nje umuntu othile ulahlekelwe ukukhulelwa, nabo bazoba ubuhlobo buphela. ” Uveza ukuthi imibhangqwana eminingi empeleni iyasondelana ngemuva kokulahlekelwa.

"Bekunzima, kepha mina nomuntu engithandana naye sikhethe ukukhula ndawonye," kusho uMichelle L. ngokulahlekelwa kwakhe. “Ukuthi bekungokwenyama emzimbeni wami okwedlule bekungasho ukuthi sobabili asibuzwanga ubuhlungu, ubuhlungu benhliziyo, nokulahlekelwa. Bekuyingane yakhe futhi, ”engeza.

Ngobudlelwano bakhe, "bakhetha ukwangana kulezi zikhathi ezibucayi futhi bathembele futhi bathembele komunye nomunye ngaphezulu. Ungibambe ngezinsuku zami ezinzima ngabuye ngamqinisa lapho ephuka. ” Uthe ukubonana “ebuhlungwini obukhulu nasekuphelelweni yithemba” futhi “nokwazi ukuthi omunye umuntu ubekhona noma ngabe yini” kubasizile bakwazi ukudlula osizini lwabo ndawonye.

Ukhiye wokuthola ukukhulelwa kwesisu ndawonye nokugwema imithelela emibi ebudlelwaneni bakho isikhathi eside wehlela ekuxhumaneni. Yebo, ukukhuluma nokukhuluma nokukhuluma kakhulu - komunye nomunye kungaba kuhle, kepha uma ungakakulungeli lokho zisuka, ukukhuluma nochwepheshe - njengombelethisi, udokotela, noma umeluleki - yindawo enhle yokuqala.

Kunezindawo eziningi ongaphendukela kuzo ukuze uthole ukuxhaswa manje, ngenxa yezinkundla zokuxhumana nezindlela ezintsha zokuxhumana nabeluleki. Uma ufuna ukwesekwa okuku-inthanethi noma ama-athikili wezinsizakusebenza, iwebhusayithi yami i-UnspokenGrief.com noma i-Still Stand Magazine yimithombo emibili. Uma ufuna umuntu mathupha ozokhuluma naye, ungafuna umeluleki wosizi endaweni yangakini.

Uma ucabanga ukuthi kungakanani ukuthula okukhona okuseduze nokukhuluma ngokuphuphuma kwesisu kanye nosizi okufanele lulindelwe ngemuva kokulahlekelwa, akumangazi ukuthi abaningi bazizwa bebodwa, ngisho nophathina. Lapho ungazizwa sengathi umlingani wakho uveza usizi olufanayo, intukuthelo, noma eminye imizwa oyikho, akumangazi ngempela ukuthi uzoqala ukuhlukana kancane.

Kukhona futhi udaba lokuthi uma umlingani wakho engaqiniseki ukuthi angakusiza kanjani noma enze kanjani ukuthi izinhlungu ziphele, bangaba namathuba amaningi okugwema izinkinga esikhundleni sokuvula. Futhi lezi zinto ezimbili kungani ukukhuluma nomunye, noma uchwepheshe kubaluleke kakhulu.

Uma udlula kokuthile okuhlukumezayo futhi okwakho njengokuphuphunyelwa yisisu, futhi nikudlule ndawonye, ​​kunethuba elihle kakhulu lokuphuma ekugcineni kwalo kunamandla. Uzoba nokuqonda okujulile ngozwela, nezinto ezincane nezinkulu eziletha induduzo kumlingani wakho.

Ukusebenza ngokudabuka, ukunikeza isikhala ngesikhathi sentukuthelo, nokunikeza ukwesekwa ngesikhathi sokwesaba kukuxhumanisa. Uzoqinisa amakhono akho okuxhumana nomunye, futhi uzokwazi ukuthi kuphephile ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi yini isidingo noma kungeyona into abafuna ukuyizwa.

Kodwa-ke, kwesinye isikhathi noma ngabe uzama kangakanani ukusindisa ubudlelwano bakho, usizi luyakushintsha kanye nomkhondo wakho empilweni. Ukwehlukana kuyenzeka.

KuCasie T., ukulahlekelwa kwakhe kokuqala kuphazamise ukubambisana kwakhe, kepha kwaze kwaba ngemuva kokulahlekelwa kwabo kwesibili lapho umshado wabo waphela khona. "Ngemuva kokuhlulwa kwesibili, ngemuva konyaka sahlukana," wabelana.

Ukudlula ekuphuphumeni kwesisu futhi inqubo yosizi ibuthinta nakanjani ubudlelwano bakho, kepha ungafunda okuthile okusha ngomunye nomunye, ubone amandla ehlukile ongawabonanga ngaphambili, futhi wamukele ushintsho kubuzali ngokuhlukile kunokuba ubungakwenzanga lokhu ndawonye .

UDevan McGuinness ungumbhali wokuba ngumzali futhi uthola imiklomelo eminingana ngomsebenzi wakhe ne-UsspokenGrief.com. Ugxila ekusizeni abanye ngezikhathi ezinzima kakhulu nezingcono kakhulu kubuzali. UDevan uhlala eToronto, eCanada, nomyeni wakhe nezingane ezine.