Ingabe Izithandani ‘Ezijwayelekile’ Zivame Kangakanani Ukwenza Ucansi?

-Delile

• Isilinganiso
• Ingabe Umshado Wakho Usenkingeni?
• Ungavumelanisa Kanjani AmaDrayivu Wakho Wocansi

Esikhathini esithile sokuphila, imibhangqwana eminingi iyazibuza futhi izibuze, “Lithini isilinganiso sobulili esenziwa eminye imibhangqwana?” Futhi yize impendulo ingacacile kahle, abelaphi bezocansi basho izinto eziningi ngalesi sihloko. Nakhu abakushoyo, kanye namanye amathiphu wokukusiza ukuthi wenze impilo yakho yezocansi isendleleni!

Isilinganiso

Kukhona umbuzo othile phakathi kwabelaphi bezocansi mayelana nokuthi isilinganiso sangempela siyini semibhangqwana ebudlelwaneni obuzinikele. Izimpendulo zingasukela kanye ngesonto ziye kanye ngenyanga! Ngenkathi u-Ian Kerner, PhD, ebuzwa ukuthi uphendula kanjani emibhangqwaneni embuza ukuthi kumele aye ocansini kangaki, uthe, “Ngihlale ngiphendula ukuthi ayikho impendulo eyiyo.

Lapho imibhangqwana iyeka ukuya ocansini, ubudlelwano bayo baba sengozini yokuthukuthela, ukuhlukana, ukungathembeki futhi, ekugcineni, idivosi.

Ngemuva kwakho konke, impilo yocansi yombhangqwana ithinteka yizinto eziningi ezahlukahlukene: ubudala, indlela yokuphila, impilo yomlingani ngamunye kanye ne-libido yemvelo futhi, nakanjani, ikhwalithi yobuhlobo babo bonke, ukubala nje ezimbalwa

Ngakho-ke yize kungeke kube khona impendulo eyiyo embuzweni wokuthi imibhangqwana kufanele iye ocansini kangaki, muva nje ngiye ngancipha kancane futhi ngeluleka imibhangqwana ukuthi izame ukukwenza okungenani kanye ngesonto. ” Ngokusho kukaDavid Schnarch, PhD, ngocwaningo olwenziwe nemibhangqwana engaphezulu kuka-20 000, uthole ukuthi bangu-26% kuphela abashadayo abashaya uphawu kanye ngesonto, iningi labaphenduli libika ucansi kanye noma kabili ngenyanga, noma ngaphansi!

Kodwa-ke, olunye ucwaningo, oluprintwe ku-The University of Chicago Press cishe eminyakeni eyishumi eyedlule, lwathi imibhangqwana eshadile iya ocansini cishe kasikhombisa ngenyanga, okungaphansi kancane kokuphindwe kabili ngesonto. Futhi ocwaningweni lwesithathu, kwabikwa ukuthi kubantu abadala abangu-16 000 okwaxoxwa nabo, ababambiqhaza abadala babelala cishe izikhathi ezi-2 kuya kwezi-3 ngenyanga, kuyilapho ababambiqhaza abasebasha bethi benza ucansi cishe kanye ngesonto.

Ingabe Umshado Wakho Usenkingeni?

Iningi labelaphi bezocansi liyavuma ukuthi ukuya ocansini izikhathi ezingaphansi kwezingu-10 ngonyaka kuyisizathu esanele sokubiza ukuthi umshado wakho awunabulili. Kodwa-ke, ukuntuleka kocansi akusho ukuthi umshado wakho usenkingeni, ngokusho kweSchnarch. Yize ucansi lungaba yindlela imibhangqwana evamise ukuveza uthando lwayo nesifiso salo komunye nomunye, ukungabi bikho kobulili akusho ukuthi nisuke nizohlukana, yize kuyinto okufanele uthole isibambo kuyo. UDkt. Kerner uthi, “Ucansi lubonakala luwela phansi ngokushesha ohlwini lwezinto okumele zenziwe eMelika; kepha, kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, lapho imibhangqwana iyeka ukuya ocansini ubudlelwano bayo baba sengozini yentukuthelo, iqembu, ukungathembeki futhi, ekugcineni, isehlukaniso. Ngikholelwa ukuthi ubulili bubalulekile: Yiglue elisigcina sindawonye futhi, ngaphandle kwalo, imibhangqwana iba ‘abangane abahle’ kakhulu, noma ‘ihlale ingxabano ndawonye.’ ”

Ungavumelanisa Kanjani AmaDrayivu Wakho Wocansi

Ziningi izinto ezidinga ukungena endaweni yokwenza ucansi into oyifisayo. Emibhangqwaneni eminingi, ukungaboni ngaso linye kungaba yinkinga. U-Al Cooper, ovela eSan Jose Marital and Sexuality Center, uthi, “Ngokuvamile, kodwa-ke, izinkinga zombhangqwana zivame ukuba ngaphansi kwezocansi, ngasese, kunokuya ocansini.

"Uma izinkanuko zakho zocansi zingalingani, inhloso yakho ukuhlangana phakathi, ukuya ocansini okungaphezu kokuthandwa wumlingani oyedwa, kodwa mhlawumbe okuncane kakhulu kunokunye okuthandayo." - UDkt Gail Saltz

Abekho abantu abazimisele ngokuya ocansini nganoma yisiphi isikhathi esinqunyelwe. Okusemqoka ukuthi izithandani zixoxa kanjani ngezikhathi lapho enye izoqala khona bese enye yenqaba. ” Njengayo yonke inkinga ebudlelwaneni, ubulili nobuningi onabo kudinga ukuyekethisa.

Kungabonakala njengentaba enkulu ongakhuphuka kuyo, lapho ucabanga ngazo zonke ezinye izinto obhekana nazo nsuku zonke. Ukuwasha, ukusebenza, ukupheka ukudla, ukuhlanza, neminye imisebenzi kuvame ukubonakala kubaluleke ngaphezu kwe-quickie nomlingani wakho; kodwa ucansi lungaba mnandi futhi! UKerner uthi, "Uma sike sayeka ukukwenza, kulula ukubambeka kudoti; kodwa uma sesibuyile emgqeni, siyakhumbula ukuthi sikukhumbule kangakanani. Isisho sakudala esithi ‘siyisebenzise noma siyilahle’ sineqiniso elithile. Kanjalo nokusikisela kwami, ‘kuzame, uzokuthanda.’ ”

Ekuqaleni, kungasho ukuhlela ucansi nokwenza isikhathi esiholela ocansini sisondelene kakhulu. Gonana nsuku zonke, zivocavoca ukwandisa amazinga akho e-testosterone, bese ucisha iziphazamiso, njengekhompyutha ne-TV. Uma usenezinkinga ngokwazi ukuzibandakanya ekusondeleni, ukubona owelapha ngocansi angakusiza wena nomlingani wakho nihlale ekhasini elifanayo!