Impela Ukhuluma Kanjani Ngokungcolile Ngesikhathi Socansi Ngaphandle Kokuzizwa Engajwayelekile

-Delile

• Yenza: Thola Amagama Awo Aqalayo
• Yenza: Zibuyekeze Ekuvukeni Kwakho
• Musa: Izwa Ingcindezi
• Yenza: Namathela kokukusebenzelayo
• Do: Master the Art of One-Word Talk Dirty Talk
• Musa: Gxila Kakhulu Kusayizi
• Yenza: Chaza Izimfanelo Zabo Ezikujabulisa
• Yenza: Batshele ukuthi Uzokwenzani
• Buyekeza kwe-

Ingabe umcabango wokuthi umlingani wakho uthi, "khuluma ngcolile kimi" kukuthumela uvalo? Awuwedwa uma ithemba lenkulumo engcolile (ngaphezu kuka-"yebo" kanye nokububula okuhlukahlukene) kukwenza uzizwe ungakhululekile.

Nazi ezinye izindaba ezinhle zokususa ingcindezi: Uma kukhulunywa ngokuzwakala kunomsindo, abesifazane bangakwazi kalula ukukhuphula umsindo wezwi labo, kuyilapho amadoda engakwazi, ngokocwaningo lwe-Albright College. (Empeleni, empeleni amadoda abebonakala engakhangi kangako lapho bezama ukuzwakala bethandana.) Futhi uma umlingani wakho kungowesifazane? Bese-ke siyakuhalalisela: Izinkulumo zakho ezingcolile sezizoshisa njengesihogo.

Ububi? Ngenxa yokuthi unekhono lomlomo elingokwemvelo (sawubona, izwi lekamelo lokulala elihlaza okwesibhakabhaka!) akusho ukuthi uyazi ukuthi yimaphi amagama azokubeka nobabili esimweni sengqondo. "Abantu abaningi bazizwa bekhuluma okuwubuwula kungcolile," kusho uJaiya, ofundisa ngocansi nombhali wencwadi Vuthelanani. "Ngoba abazi bazothini, bayakhubeka."

Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi ungafunda ngempela ukukhuluma okungcolile (futhi lesi sihloko sikumbozile), nawe awukwenzi isidingo ukuqala ukukhuluma amazwi amnandi. Uma kukhulunywa ngokuncamelayo ekamelweni lokulala, okuthandwa yiwo wonke umuntu nokungathandwa kuhlukile futhi abanye abantu (mhlawumbe ngisho nomlingani wakho) kungenzeka bangabi nandaba nayo yonke ingxoxo ye-erotic. Kunenqwaba yezindlela zokunonga impilo yakho yocansi nokusebenzisa inkulumo engcolile ngesikhathi socansi kungenye yazo.

Manje, uma wenakukhona ukulungele ukuzitholela kumuntu wakho wangaphakathi oshisayo futhi uthathe ibhendi yakho yokulala uyikhuphule, bese ungabheki ngaphezu kwale mihlahlandlela yenkulumo engcolile eyisisekelo. Oh, futhi enye into: Uma usufunde ukukhuluma ungcolile, zilungiselele ukuvusa umlingani wakho kunanini ngaphambili.

Yenza: Thola Amagama Awo Aqalayo

Kungenzeka ukuthi, umlingani wakho unegama elithile alithandayo lezingxenye zakhe zomzimba - kanye nezenzo zocansi, ezifana nocansi kanye nomlomo - ezimvulela kakhulu amandla. U-Jaiya ubiza lawa magama e-trigger njengoba umsindo wawo nje uvame ukwanele ukuvusa inkanuko yawo. "Qala ngokuthumela imiyalezo engcolile emuva naphambili," kusikisela u-Ruth Neustifter, Ph.D., umbhali wezincwadi. Umhlahlandlela Wentombazane Emnandi Yokukhuluma Okungcolile. "Lena yindlela enhle yokuthola ukuthi yimaphi amagama abawathandayo."

Ulayini wakho: "Angisakwazi ukulinda ukukubona namhlanje ebusuku. Ngitshele zonke izindawo ofuna ngikuthinte kuzo." Bazosebenzisa amagama abawathola evusa inkanuko kakhulu emibhalweni yabo yocansi, bakusize ulungise kahle izwi lakho legumbi lakho lokulala futhi ekugcineni ufunde ukukhuluma ngokungcolile ngendlela ebasebenzela kangcono. Futhi, nabo, bangaqhubeka nokuthi imaphi amagama (nama-emojis amahle) owathandayo futhi.

Yenza: Zibuyekeze Ekuvukeni Kwakho

"Ngimanzi te kumanje." "Sengizofika." "Uzizwa ungakholeki."

Lezi zibuyekezo zesikhashana ngomzuzwana zikusiza ukuthi uvuselele ukuvuswa kwakho - okungaba ngumsebenzi onzima - ngenkathi unikeza umlingani wakho indlebe evusa inkanuko. "Uma ukhuluma ngokwenzeka emzimbeni wakho, ukwazisa ngakho," kusho uJaiya. "Ngaphezu kwalokho, ubavusa nakakhulu, ngoba bacabanga, 'Yebo! Ngiyabavula.' Lokho kubenza bazizwe benokuzethemba okukhulu. " Futhi yilokho ongakubiza ngokuthi yi-win-win. (Ngenkathi inkulumo emnandi ingakusiza ukuthi usondele, nansi indlela yokuba ne-orgasm njalo.)

Musa: Izwa Ingcindezi

"Ukukhuluma okungcolile" mhlawumbe kuyigama elingalungile, ngoba ibhanti yokulala akudingeki ukuthi ibe yinto engafanele ukuze kube khona ukuvula. "Abanye abantu bakuthola kungathuki nhlobo ukuqalekisa," kusho uNeustifter. "Amagama avula umlingani wakho angahle abe nothando nothando - nawo angavusa ngendlela efanayo," kwengeza uJaiya. Uma ungaqiniseki ukuthi yiluphi uhlobo lwenkulumo emnandi abayithandayo, zama ukushintshanisa amabinzana amnandi (isb. "Ngiyayithanda uma ungiqabula") namanye anemiphumela eminingi (okusho ukuthi "Ngifuna [isitho somzimba wakho] ngaphakathi kimi"), futhi bona ukuthi yini ebavuselela kakhulu.

Yenza: Namathela kokukusebenzelayo

"Abesifazane bacabanga ukuthi kufanele bazwakale njengezinkanyezi ezingcolile," kusho uYvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., umbhali we Ukukhuluma Ngocansi Okumnandi Ukuheha Noma yimuphi Umthandi. Noma umlingani wakho ebuka i-porn, lokho akusho ukuthi udinga ukukhuluma okungcolile ngesikhathi socansi ngendlela efanayo abangavela ngayo esikrinini - amagama ashisayo yiwo akwenza ungene endaweni, noma ngabe ethambile ngokuqhathaniswa. "Uma ungathembeki noma ungakhululekile, bazokuzwa lokho," kusho uJaiya. (Futhi ufanele ukuzizwa ukhululekile futhi uzethembile ekamelweni lokulala, cha ama-ifs, ama-ands, noma ama-buts.)

Futhi awudingi ukusebenzisa izwi elijulile, elinomphimbo. UNeustifter uthi: "Iphimbo lakho lingahle lihlekise futhi lihlekise, lihlekise noma lihlekise, lingenacala, noma ligangile ngokuphelele." "Ngikhuthaza abesifazane ukuthi bacabange ngezikhathi lapho bezizwa beqiniseka kakhulu futhi bengenandaba." Uma uzizwa umuhle ngenkathi unikeza izethulo emsebenzini, ngokwesibonelo, i-vibe yokulala enamandla kungaba ukuhamba kwakho; uma ulimi lwakho lothando ludlala (cabanga: ukuhleka nabangane bakho, ukuhlekisa ukuze wenze umlingani wakho ahleke), indlela ejabulisayo ingaba ngcono. (Futhi kubalulekile: Chitha isikhathi ushaya indlwabu ukuze uthole ukuthi yini oyithandayo ngokomzimba.)

Do: Master the Art of One-Word Talk Dirty Talk

Lapho ufunda ukukhuluma ngokungcola, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi, ezikhathini eziningi, kuncane kakhulu. Ukuzama ukuhlanganisa umusho ogcwele, ongcolile kungase kwehlise isifiso sakho njengoba ungaphakathi ekhanda lakho, kusho u-Jaiya. “Uma ngenza imihlangano yokucobelelana ngolwazi ngocansi, igama elithi ‘yebo’ lihlala lingelinye lamagama abantu abawathandayo,” kusho uNeustifter. Amanye amagama amnandi angazimela wedwa: "ngokushesha," "nzima," futhi "ngaphezulu." Iziqondiso zegama elilodwa zibazisa ukuthi benza umsebenzi omuhle, kusho u-Jaiya. Cabanga ngale nkulumo elula ehehayo njengokusho ukububula. (Related: Kusho Ukuthini Imisindo Yakho Yocansi Ngempela)

Musa: Gxila Kakhulu Kusayizi

Uma uthandana nomuntu onepipi, yazi lokhu: Impela, abanye abantu bayathanda ukutshelwa ukuthi ipipi labo lihlaba umxhwele, kepha kwabanye, ukuzwa ngosayizi kungabakhumbuza ukungazethembi kwabo, kusho uNeustifter. Umzila ongcono: Khuluma ngokuthi ukuqina kwawo kuqine kangakanani. “Ngokuvamile, abantu basabela kahle uma bezwa ukuthi izitho zabo zangasese zivuswe kanjani,” usho kanje. (Bheka futhi: Ekugcineni, Izimpendulo ze * Zonke * Zemibuzo Yakho Yokuthinta Umthondo)

Yenza: Chaza Izimfanelo Zabo Ezikujabulisa

Ukukhuluma ngezenzo ezithile zocansi kungasabisa kakhulu — ikakhulukazi uma uqala ukuthola ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani ngokungcolile. "Kukaningi kulula ukukhuluma ngezimpawu noma izinto - ukuthi isicucu sezingubo zangaphansi sinomdlandla kangakanani noma ukuthi uzithanda ngempela izinhlanga zentshebe yazo," kusho uNeustifter. Ngakho-ke qala ngezitatimende ezichazayo zalokho okukuguqula mayelana nomlingani wakho lapho uzama inkulumo engcolile ngesikhathi socansi. Abantu abaningi bathanda ukunconywa. Futhi, cishe akunakwenzeka ukuphaphatheka lapho utshela othile ukuthi umzimba wakhe ukujabulisa kangakanani.

Yenza: Batshele ukuthi Uzokwenzani

Manje, ngengxenye ethuthuke kakhulu yokuthi "indlela yokukhuluma engcolile 101." Tshela umlingani wakho mayelana neminyakazo e-sexy ofuna ukuyenza. "Kulula ukuthi abantu besifazane bazinakekele kunokuba bathi, 'Nakhu engifuna ukwenze," kusho uJaiya. Lula ezinkulumweni zocansi ezingcolile ngokusikisela ukuthutha owake wakwenza esikhathini esedlule enikujabulelayo nobabili. .

Buyekeza kwe-