Icala Lokuba Phambili Mayelana Nocansi Lwakho Ngosuku Lokuqala

-Delile

• Inzuzo Yokuphuma Ngedethi Yokuqala
• Kuthiwani Uma Ngingazizwa Ngiphephile Ngokuphuma - Noma Baphendula Kahle?
• Kuthiwani Uma Bemukela ... Kepha Awazi Okuningi Ngokuba yi-LGBTQ +?
• Ungaphuma Kanjani Ngosuku Lokuqala (noma Nangaphambi Kwalokho)
• 1. Yibeke kumaphrofayili wakho wokuphola.
• 2. Yabelana ngezenhlalo zakho.
• 3. Slip ngokukhululekile.
• 4. Yikhafule!
• 5. Buza umbuzo oholayo.
• Buyekeza kwe-

Kwaba ukuphela kosuku lokuqala. Kuze kube manje, izinto bezihamba kahle. Sithinte imilando yokuqomisana, saqinisekisa ubudlelwane bethu obuhambisanayo (bobabili bodwa), saxoxa ngemikhuba yethu engabodwana, sibophezele othandweni olwabiwe nge-yoga neCrossFit, nezithombe ezabiwe ngobunono zama-furbabies ethu. Ngangixhuma nakanjani nale ndoda - sizoyibiza ngoDerek - kepha kwakusekhona into eyodwa enkulu esasingakakhulumi ngayo: Ubungqingili bami.

Umlingani wami wangaphambilini ubenze sengathi ukuqalisa kwami ​​ukuphola akubonisanga abantu bobulili obuhlukahlukene, futhi ukuthula kwethu ngakho kube nomthelela kimi ukuthi ngingazizwa ngithule ngokwanele. Bengifuna ukugwema lokho okuguquguqukayo futhi, ngakho ngosuku lokuqala noDerek, ngakusho ngokusobala.

"Kubalulekile kimina ukuthi uqonde ukuthi ngithandana nobulili obubili futhi ngisazoba nobulili obubili uma sithandana."

Njenge-rockstar ayikho, uDerek uphendule wathi, "Impela ukuba nami ngeke kushintshe ukuthanda kwakho ngokobulili." Mina naye sathandana isikhathi esingangonyaka. Ngenkathi selokhu sahlukana (ngenxa yezinhloso zesikhathi eside ezingafani), ngikholelwa ngokuqinile ukuthi ukwabelana nami ngokobulili bami kwasekuqaleni kuyingxenye yokuthi kungani ngangizizwa ngithandwa kakhulu futhi ngibona lapho sithandana.

Ngenxa yalokho, selokhu ngakwenza umthetho wokuphuma njengabesilisa nabesifazane ngosuku lokuqala (futhi kwesinye isikhathi, nangaphambi kwalokho). Futhi uqagele ini? Ochwepheshe bayavuma. Kokubili isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nomshado nobudlelwano uRachel Wright, MA, L.M.F.T. kanye nomeluleki wezobuchwepheshe onamalayisense uMaggie McCleary, L.G.P.C., ogxile kwezinsizakalo ezibandakanya bonke abahamba phambili, bathi ukuphuma kumuntu ongase ube nguzakwethu kungekudala kuyisinyathelo esihle - inqobo nje uma uzizwa uvikelekile ngokwenza njalo.

Qhubeka ufunde ukuze ufunde izinzuzo zokuphumela uzakwethu omusha ongase ube uzakwethu ASAP. Futhi, amathiphu wokuthi ungayisingatha kanjani, noma ngabe ungowabesilisa nabesifazane, ungowesilisa ocansini noma owesilisa, noma enye enye ingxenye yothingo lwenkosazana.

Inzuzo Yokuphuma Ngedethi Yokuqala

"Ukwabelana ngobulili bakho kuvumela lowo ozoba umlingani wakho ukuba athole isithombe esiphelele ngawe ngokushesha okukhulu," kusho uMcCleary. "Futhi ukuze ubudlelwano bube nempilo, ufuna ukwazi ukuzimela ngokugcwele," besho.

Ukuphuma futhi kukuvumela ukuthi ubone ukuthi umuntu uzokwamukela yini ubulili bakho. Uma uphuma usuku lwakho futhi bengasabeli kahle noma uthola a umqondo ukuthi ngeke, "lokho kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi abayena umuntu ongeke anemukele nonke," kusho uMcCleary. Futhi ebudlelwaneni obufanele, obunempilo obufunayo (futhi obudingayo!) Lokho kwamukelwa.

Qaphela: "Uma bengaphenduli kahle futhi kunjalo hhayi umuntu ophule isivumelwano sakho, khona-ke kungase kube nezinye izinto ozidingayo ukuze uzihlole ngaphakathi," ngokucabangela lokho kubonisa ukuthi uzimisele ukungena ebudlelwaneni obungase bungabi nampilo, kusho uMcCleary. (Ngalokho, uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo ongabandakanyi angase abe usizo. Ungayithola ku- Psychology Today.)

Ukuphuma khona manjalo kukusindisa ekukhathazekeni kokuthi * hhayi * ukuphuma nomuntu ozoqhubeka uthandane naye. "Uma ugwema isikhathi eside ukuhlanganyela ubulili bakho nabo, kulapho ungakhathazeka kakhulu ngokuthi bazophendula kanjani," kuchaza uMcCleary. (Okuhlobene: Ukuthi 'Ukuphuma' Kuthuthukise Kanjani Impilo Nenjabulo Yami)

Ukucabangela ukukhathazeka kuvame ukuhambisana nezimpawu ezingokomzwelo ezinjengemizwa yokudabuka, ukwethuka, noma ukwesaba, ngisho nezimpawu zomzimba, lokho - ukuqaphela okungekho ngaphansi - akulungile. (Bona Okuningi: Ukuthi Yini Inkinga Yokukhathazeka — Futhi Yini Okungeyona?)

Kuthiwani Uma Ngingazizwa Ngiphephile Ngokuphuma - Noma Baphendula Kahle?

Izinto zokuqala kuqala, khumbula ukuthi awukaze isidingo ukuphuma! "Awusoze wakweleta noma ubani - futhi awumkweleti ikakhulukazi othile othandana naye," kusho uWright.

Ngakho uma ungafuni ukubatshela, ungakwenzi. Noma uma isisu sakho sikutshela lo muntu ukuthi * akamukeli, ungavumi. Eqinisweni, esimweni sakamuva, uMcCleary uthi unemvume ngokuphelele yokushiya usuku kwesokudla ushaye phakathi nendawo.

Ungase uthi:

• "Lokhu osanda kukusho kungukungiphula umthetho, ngakho-ke ngizozisusa ngenhlonipho kulesi simo."
• "Kungumthetho kimi ukuthi angiqomi nabantu abagqagqene kanti lokhu osanda kukusho kungukugqagqana, ngakho-ke ngizomisa lonke lolu suku."
• "Lokho kuphawula akuhlali kahle esiswini sami, ngakho ngizozixolela."

Ungakwazi yini ukunamathisela idethi kuze kube sekupheleni bese uthumela umbhalo onamagama afanayo lapho ufika ekhaya? Impela. "Ukuphepha kwakho kufanele kube yinto eza kuqala, kodwa ayikho indlela engafanele yokubeka ukuphepha kwakho phambili, inqobo nje uma wenza kanjalo," kusho uWright. (Okuhlobene: Ukuthi Kube Yibuphi Ubudlelwano Bobulili Obufanayo Ngempela)

Kuthiwani Uma Bemukela ... Kepha Awazi Okuningi Ngokuba yi-LGBTQ +?

Uma umuntu othandana naye engazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba yi-LGBTQ+, ukuthi uyaqhubeka yini nokujola kuyisinqumo somuntu siqu ngempela. Ekugcineni kuza ezintweni ezimbili eziyinhloko.

Okokuqala, ungakanani umsebenzi ongokomzwelo ofuna ukuwufundisa lo muntu ngobunikazi bakho? Uma, ngokwesibonelo, usahlola ubungqingili bakho, ukufunda ngobungqingili ne-boo yakho entsha kungaba ngumsebenzi wokuzijabulisa omnandi. Kepha, uma ngabe ubuyisishoshovu sabesilisa nabesifazane amashumi eminyaka noma ufundisa ngomlando we-LGBTQ + womsebenzi, ungaba nentshisekelo encane ekuthatheni indima yezemfundo ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Okwesibili, kubaluleke kangakanani kuwena ukuthi abantu othandana nabo bamukele bobabili futhi unolwazi mayelana nokumangala kwakho? "Uma uhileleke ngendlela emangalisayo emphakathini wangakini we-LGBTQ, kungase kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe ukuthi uthandane nomuntu oqonda ubulili obubili kunokuthi umuntu onobulili obubili ongakaze abe nendima enkulu emibuthanweni noma empilweni yakhe," kusho u-Wright.

Ungaphuma Kanjani Ngosuku Lokuqala (noma Nangaphambi Kwalokho)

Lawa macebiso afakazela ukuthi ukuphuma akudingeki kube nzima njengoba kuzwakala.

1. Yibeke kumaphrofayili wakho wokuphola.

Ngama-oda e-distancing social asekhona, amathuba okuhlangana nabantu endaweni yokucima ukoma noma ejimini anciphile. Ngakho-ke uma uhlangana nabathandi abasha abasha, izingqinamba ziphezulu kuyenzeka kuzinhlelo zokusebenza. Uma kunjalo, uMcCleary uncoma ukubeka ubulili bakho ngqo kuphrofayela yakho. (Okuhlobene: Indlela iCoronavirus Eshintsha Ngayo Ukuqomisana Kwendawo)

Kulezi zinsuku, izinhlelo zokusebenza eziningi zokuphola (iTinder, Feeld, OKCupid, njll.) Zenza kube lula, zikuvumela ukuthi ukhethe kusuka kuzimpawu ezahlukahlukene zobulili nezocansi ezizovela ngqo kuphrofayela yakho. I-Tinder, ngokwesibonelo, ivumela abadayi ukuthi bakhethe amatemu afika kwamathathu achaza kangcono ubulili babo, okuhlanganisa okuqondile, ongqingili, abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abathandana nabesilisa nabesifazane, abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abaqwayizi, kanye nokubuza imibuzo. (Okuhlobene: Izincazelo ze-LGBTQ + Amagama Wonke Umuntu Okufanele Awazi)

"Ungaphinda ubonise ngobuhlakani ngokwengeziwe uthingo 🌈, i-emojis yefulegi lenkosazana 🏳️‍🌈, noma izinhliziyo umbala wefulegi lokuziqhenya labesilisa nabesifazane 💗💜💙," kusho uMcCleary.

Uma okwamanje uhlola ubulili bakho futhi ungakazinzi kulebula (noma amaningi), ungabhala okuningi kuphrofayela yakho, kuphawula u-Wright. Ngokwesibonelo:

• "Ukuhlola ubulili bami futhi ngifuna abangane nabathandi abafuna ukuza ohambweni."
• "Muva nje ngiphume ngingaqondile futhi ngilapha ukuzobheka ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini kimi."
• "Abantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo, abesilisa abangafuni ukuba nabesifazane, abacwasa ngokobuhlanga kanye nabantu abanobuhle bobabili ngicela wenze lokhu okuhle bese uswayipha ngakwesokunxele."

"Ukukhombisa ubulili bakho zisuka nje kuzonciphisa noma iyiphi ingcindezi noma ukukhathazeka onakho mayelana nokudinga ukuphuma ngosuku lokuqala," kusho uMcCleary. Uma beswayipha kwesokudla, sebeyabazi ubulili bakho ngoba bebekhona kuphrofayela yakho. Futhi, isebenza njengohlobo oluthile lokuhlunga kwe-asshole, ekugcina ungafani nabantu abangakwemukeli.

2. Yabelana ngezenhlalo zakho.

Ngabe uphume ezinkundleni zokuxhumana - okusho ukuthi uvame ukukhuluma ngobulili bakho uma uthumela kwezokuxhumana? Uma kunjalo, uWright uncoma ukuthi abelane ngemithombo yakho yezokuxhumana ngaphambi kokuhlangana mathupha. (Ungaphinde ucabangele ukwenza idethi yokuqala yengxoxo yevidiyo esheshayo ukuze wahlulele lokhu kanye namakhemikhali akho jikelele.)

"Ngokusobala, i-online persona iyingxenye encane nje yokuthi ngingubani njengomuntu, kodwa ngisebenza ku-Instagram ngakho ukwabelana ngesibambo sami kuyindlela enhle yokuthi umuntu afunde ukuthi nginobulili obuphindwe kabili, i-queer kanye ne-polyamorous ... ukuzwa amandla ami wonke,” kuchaza uWright. (Okuhlobene: Nakhu Ukuthi Buyini Ubudlelwano Be-Polyamorous Empeleni)

3. Slip ngokukhululekile.

Ngabe umdlalo wakho wakamuva ukubuzile ukuthi ngabe uwabonile ama-movie amahle muva nje? Ngabe bakubuzile ukuthi ufundani? Baphendule ngobuqotho, kepha unqekuzele ubulili bakho ngenkathi wenza kanjalo.

Isibonelo: "Ngizimisele, ngakho-ke ngingumlandeli omkhulu wama-documentary asezingeni eliphakeme futhi ngisanda kubukela Ukudalulwa," noma, "selokhu ngaphuma ngithanda abesilisa nabesifazane, bengifunda izikhumbuzo ezimbili ngingapheli. Ngisanda kuqeda I-Tomboyland nguMelissa Faliveno. "

Inzuzo yale ndlela ukuthi igcina ubulili bakho bungezwani njengalesi sivumo esikhulu, kusho uMcCleary. "Ishintsha inqubo 'yokuphuma' isuke kokuthile okubucayi iye esihlokweni esidlulayo," ngendlela efanayo ozoxoxa ngayo nenye ingxenye yobuntu bakho, njengokuthi ukhulele kuphi. (Kuhlobene: U-Ellen Page On Coming Out at 27 and Fighting for LGBTQ Rights)

4. Yikhafule!

Ungavumeli isifiso sakho sokuba bushelelezi sikuvimbele ekulahleni iqiniso lakho. "Eqinisweni, umuntu ofaneleka ngempela ukujola ngeke abe nandaba Kanjani ubatshela ukuthi ungumuntu omubi noma owesabekayo, "kusho uWright.

Lezi zibonelo zifakazela ukuthi i-clunky ingaba ngempumelelo njengoba ibushelelezi:

• "Angazi ukuthi ngizokuveza kanjani lokhu kodwa bengifuna ukukwazisa ukuthi ngingu-bi."
• "Lokhu akuhlangene nakancane nalokhu esikhuluma ngakho kodwa bengithanda ukutshela abantu engihamba nabo ukuthi ngingu-bi. Nakhu-ke ngiyakutshela!."
• "Lolu suku beluluhle! Kodwa ngaphambi kokuthi senze izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo, ngifuna ukukwazisa ukuthi ngingumuntu wesilisa."

5. Buza umbuzo oholayo.

"Uma ungathola ukulinganisa okujwayelekile ngemibono yalomuntu noma kwezepolitiki, ungahle ube nomqondo wokuthi bazokwamukela noma cha labo obabhekile (ngokobulili noma ngokobulili) obabizayo," kusho uMcCleary.

Ungase ubuze, isibonelo: "Imiphi imashi ye-BLM noma imicimbi oke waya kuyo kule nyanga?" noma "Ucabangani ngempikiswano yakamuva kamongameli?" noma "Uzitholaphi izindaba zakho zasekuseni?"

Ukusuka kulo lonke lolu lwazi, ungahlangana kancane kancane ukuthi ngabe umuntu oxoxa naye uphephezelisa amafulegi abomvu noma amafulegi othingo - bese uzinqumela ukuthi uyafuna yini ukuwagcina.

Buyekeza kwe-