Ungazivumela kanjani Izinto Ezedlule

-Delile

• Amathiphu wokuyeka
• 1. Dala imantra evumayo yokulwisana nemicabango ebuhlungu
• 2. Dala ibanga lomzimba
• 3. Zenzele owakho umsebenzi
• 4. Zijwayeze ukucabanga
• 5. Yiba mnene nawe
• 6. Vumela imizwa engemihle igeleze
• 7. Yamukela ukuthi omunye umuntu kungenzeka angaxolisi
• 8. Bamba iqhaza ekuzinakekeleni
• 9. Zungeze nabantu abakugcwalisayo
• 10. Zinike imvume yokukhuluma ngakho
• 11. Zinike imvume yokuxolela
• 12. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
• Ukuthatha

Umbuzo abaningi bethu abazibuza wona ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho sizwa ubuhlungu benhliziyo noma ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo: uvumela kanjani ukudlula kobuhlungu besikhathi esedlule bese uqhubeka?

Ukubambelela kokwedlule kungaba yisinqumo esiqaphelayo njengokuyeka bese uya phambili kungaba isinqumo esiqondayo.

Amathiphu wokuyeka

Into eyodwa esixhumanisa njengabantu amandla ethu okuzwa ubuhlungu. Noma ngabe lobo buhlungu bungokomzimba noma obungokomzwelo, sonke sinokuhlangenwe nakho kokulimala. Okusehlukanisayo nokho, ukuthi sibhekana kanjani nalobo buhlungu.

ube nokuthi lapho ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo bukuvimbela ekuphulukisweni esimweni, kuwuphawu lokuthi asiqhubeki phambili ngendlela egxile ekukhuleni.

Enye yezindlela ezinhle zokuphulukisa ezinhlungwini ukufunda izifundo kuleso simo futhi uzisebenzise ukugxila ekukhuleni nasekuqhubekeni phambili. Uma sibambeka sicabanga ngalokho “obekufanele ngabe kukhona,” singakhubazeka ngemizwa ebuhlungu nezinkumbulo.

Uma uzama ukuya phambili kusuka kokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu, kepha awunasiqiniseko sokuthi ungaqala kanjani, nazi izeluleko eziyi-12 zokukusiza ukuthi uyeke.

1. Dala imantra evumayo yokulwisana nemicabango ebuhlungu

Indlela okhuluma ngayo ngokwakho ingakuqhubela phambili noma ikugcine unamathele. Imvamisa, ukuba nemantra ozitshela yona ngezikhathi zobuhlungu obungokomzwelo kungakusiza ukuthi uvuselele imicabango yakho.

Isibonelo, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uCarla Manly, PhD, esikhundleni sokubambeka, "Angikholwa ukuthi lokhu kwenzeke kimi!" zama imantra evumayo enjengokuthi, “Nginenhlanhla yokukwazi ukuthola indlela entsha empilweni - engilungele.”

2. Dala ibanga lomzimba

Akuvamile ukuzwa umuntu ethi kufanele uziqhelelanise nomuntu noma isimo esidala ukuthi uphatheke kabi.

Ngokusho kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo uRamani Durvasula, PhD, lowo akuwona umqondo omubi kangako. "Ukwenza ibanga ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo phakathi kwethu nomuntu noma isimo kungasiza ekuyekeni kuhambe ngesizathu esilula sokuthi akudingeki ukuthi sicabange ngakho, sikucubungule, noma sikhunjuzwe ngakho konke," kuchaza yena.

3. Zenzele owakho umsebenzi

Ukugxila kuwe kubalulekile. Kufanele wenze ukukhetha ukubhekana nobuhlungu osuke wehlelwa yibo. Uma ucabanga ngomuntu okuzwise ubuhlungu, zibuyisele kulesi sikhathi samanje. Ngemuva kwalokho, gxila kokuthile onokubonga ngakho.

4. Zijwayeze ukucabanga

Lapho sikwazi ukuletha ukugxila kwethu kulesi sikhathi samanje, kusho uLisa Olivera, ongumelaphi onelayisense womshado nomndeni, umthelela omncane esinawo esikhathini esidlule noma esikhathini esizayo unethonya elincane kithi.

"Lapho siqala ukuzijwayeza ukuba khona, izinhlungu zethu azikwazi ukusilawula, futhi sinenkululeko eyengeziwe yokukhetha ukuthi sifuna ukusabela kanjani ezimpilweni zethu," uyanezela.

5. Yiba mnene nawe

Uma impendulo yakho yokuqala yokungakwazi ukudedela isimo esibuhlungu ukuzigxeka, sekuyisikhathi sokuzibonisa umusa nozwela.

U-Olivera uthi lokhu kubukeka sengathi siziphatha ngendlela esizophatha ngayo umngani, sizinikeze isihawu, sigweme ukuqhathanisa phakathi kohambo lwethu nolwabanye.

“Ukulimala akunakugwenywa, futhi kungenzeka singakwazi ukugwema ubuhlungu; kodwa-ke, singakhetha ukuziphatha ngomusa nangothando uma kufika, ”kuchaza u-Olivera.

6. Vumela imizwa engemihle igeleze

Uma ukwesaba ukuzwa imizwa engemihle kukubangela ukuthi uyigweme, ungakhathazeki, awuwedwa. Eqinisweni, uDurvasula uthi izikhathi eziningi, abantu bayayesaba imizwa enjengosizi, intukuthelo, ukuphoxeka noma ukudabuka.

Esikhundleni sokuzizwa, abantu bavele bazame ukubavalela ngaphandle, okungaphazamisa inqubo yokudedela. UDurvasula uyachaza: “Le mizwa engemihle injenge-riptides. "Mabaphume baphume kuwe… Kungadinga ukungenelela kwezempilo yengqondo, kodwa ukulwa nabo kungakushiya ubambekile," uyanezela.

7. Yamukela ukuthi omunye umuntu kungenzeka angaxolisi

Ukulinda ukuxolisa okuvela kumuntu okuzwise ubuhlungu kuzonciphisa inqubo yokudedela. Uma uhlangabezana nobuhlungu nobuhlungu, kubalulekile ukuthi unakekele ukuphulukiswa kwakho, okungasho ukwamukela ukuthi umuntu okuzwise ubuhlungu ngeke axolise.

8. Bamba iqhaza ekuzinakekeleni

Lapho sibuhlungu, kuvame ukuzwakala sengathi akukho lutho ngaphandle kokulimala. U-Olivera uthi ukuzinakekela kungabukeka njengokubeka imingcele, uthi cha, ukwenza izinto ezisilethela injabulo nenduduzo, nokulalela izidingo zethu kuqala.

“Lapho sikwazi ukusebenzisa ukunakekelwa kwethu ezimpilweni zethu zansuku zonke, kulapho siba namandla amaningi. Kusukela kuleso sikhala, ubuhlungu bethu abuzwa sengathi bungaphezu kwamandla, ”uyanezela.

9. Zungeze nabantu abakugcwalisayo

Le thiphu elula kodwa enamandla ingakusiza ekuthwaleni ebuhlungu obukhulu.

Asikwazi ukwenza impilo sisodwa, futhi asinakulindela ukuba sidlule kuzinhlungu zethu sodwa, futhi, kuchaza uManly. "Ukuzivumela ukuthi sincike kulabo esibathandayo kanye nokwesekwa kwabo kuyindlela enhle kakhulu yokuthi kungagcini nje ngokunciphisa ukuhlala yedwa kodwa kusikhumbuze okuhle okusezimpilweni zethu."

10. Zinike imvume yokukhuluma ngakho

Uma ubhekene nemizwa ebuhlungu noma isimo esikulimazayo, kubalulekile ukuthi uzinike imvume yokukhuluma ngakho.

UDurvasula uthi kwesinye isikhathi abantu abakwazi ukudedela ngoba bezwa ukuthi abavunyelwe ukukhuluma ngakho. “Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abantu ababazungezile abasafuni ukuzwa ngakho noma [umuntu unamahloni noma amahloni okuqhubeka akhulume ngakho,” kuchaza yena.

Kodwa ukukhuluma ngakho kubalulekile. Yingakho uDurvasula encoma ukuthola umngani noma umelaphi obekezelayo futhi owemukelayo futhi ozimisele ukuba yibhodi lakho elizwakalayo.

11. Zinike imvume yokuxolela

Njengoba ukulinda omunye umuntu ukuthi axolise kungavimbela inqubo yokudedela, kungadingeka ukuthi usebenzele ukuthethelela kwakho.

Ukuthethelela kubalulekile enqubeni yokwelashwa ngoba kukuvumela ukuthi uyeke ukudinwa, ukuba necala, amahloni, ukudabuka, noma omunye umuzwa ongahle ube nawo futhi uqhubeke.

12. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Uma ulwela ukudedela isipiliyoni esibuhlungu, ungahlomula ngokukhuluma nochwepheshe. Kwesinye isikhathi kunzima ukusebenzisa lawa macebiso uwedwa, futhi udinga uchwepheshe onolwazi ukukusiza ekuqondiseni kule nqubo.

Ukuthatha

Ukuyeka ubuhlungu obudlulile, udinga ukwenza isinqumo esiqondile sokulawula isimo. Noma kunjalo, lokhu kungathatha isikhathi nokuzilolonga. Yiba nomusa kuwe njengoba umkhuba wakho ucabanga kabusha ukuthi usibona kanjani isimo, bese ubungaza ukunqoba okuncane onakho.