Ngisinde Ekudutshulweni (Nangemuva Kwesikhathi Eside). Uma Unokwesaba, Nakhu Engicabanga ukuthi Kufanele Ukwazi

-Delile

• Ngangineminyaka emine lapho mina nomama sidutshulwa
• Ngithathe lokho kweqa okukhulu kokholo: Ngakhetha ukuphila impilo yami kunokuphila ngokwesaba
• Ngemuva kwesigameko, ngabuyela esikoleni
• Lapho sifika lapho, ngikhohliwe ngokusongela kokudubula okungahleliwe

Uma wesaba ukuthi indawo yaseMelika ayisaphephile, ngikholwe, ngiyaqonda.

Ngosuku olulandelayo ngemuva kwesigameko sokudutshulwa kwabantu abaningi e-Odessa, eTexas, ngo-Agasti, mina nomyeni wami sahlela ukuthatha ingane yethu eneminyaka eyisithupha siye e-Renaissance Faire eMaryland. Bese engidonsela eceleni. "Lokhu kuzozwakala kuwubuwula," wangitshela. “Kodwa kufanele siye namuhla? U-Odessa uzokwenzenjani? ”

Ngikhophozele. “Ukhathazekile ngemizwa yami?” Ngisindile odlameni lwezibhamu, futhi ungafunda indaba yami kuThe Washington Post. Umyeni wami uhlala efuna ukungivikela, ukungivimbela ekubuyeni lokho kuhlukumezeka. "Noma ngabe ukhathazekile ngokuthi kungenzeka sidutshulwe eRen Faire?"

"Kokubili." Ukhulume ngendlela angazizwa ephephile ukukhipha ingane yethu esidlangalaleni. Ngabe lolu bekungelona uhlobo lwendawo okwenzeka kuyo ukudutshulwa kwabantu abaningi? Esidlangalaleni. Waziwa kahle. Njengokubulawa kwabantu ekuqaleni kukaJulayi eGilroy Garlic Festival?

Ngezwa uvalo lwesikhashana. Mina nomyeni wami saxoxa ngakho ngokunengqondo. Kwakungesona isiphukuphuku ukukhathazeka ngengozi.

Sibhekene nobhadane lodlame lwezibhamu e-United States, futhi i-Amnesty International isanda kukhipha isexwayiso sokuvakasha esingakaze sibonwe sezivakashi ezweni lethu. Kodwa-ke, asikwazanga ukuthola isizathu sokuba iRen Faire ibe yingozi kakhulu kunanoma iyiphi enye indawo yomphakathi.

Emashumini eminyaka adlule, nginqume ukungaphili ngokwesaba noma ukukhathazeka ngokuphepha kwami ​​njalo ngomzuzwana. Ngangingeke ngiqale ukwesaba umhlaba manje.

“Kufanele sihambe,” ngitshela umyeni wami. “Sizokwenzenjani ngokulandelayo, hhayi ukuya esitolo? Awumyeki aye esikoleni? ”

Muva nje, ngizwe abantu abaningi bezwakalisa lokhu kukhathazeka okufanayo, ikakhulukazi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Uma wesaba ukuthi indawo yaseMelika ayisaphephile, ngikholwe, ngiyaqonda.

Ngangineminyaka emine lapho mina nomama sidutshulwa

Kwenzeke emini bebade emgwaqweni omatasa eNew Orleans, phambi komtapo wolwazi womphakathi ebesibavikela njalo ngoMgqibelo. Kwaqhamuka umuntu ongamazi. Wayengcolile yonke indawo. Ukungakhululeki. Ukukhubeka. Eshwabanisa amagama akhe. Ngikhumbula ngicabanga ukuthi wayedinga ukugeza, futhi ngizibuza ukuthi kungani engenawo.

Le ndoda yaqala ingxoxo nomama, yabe isishintsha isigubhukane isimo sayo, yaqonda, yakhuluma kahle. Umemezele ukuthi uzosibulala, wabe esedonsa isibhamu waqala ukudubula. Umama ukwazile ukujika waphonsa isidumbu sakhe phezu kwesami, wangivikela.

Intwasahlobo 1985. ENew Orleans. Cishe ngemuva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha kudutshulwe. Ngisesandleni sokudla. Enye intombazane ngumngane wami omkhulu uHeather kusukela ebuntwaneni bami.

Sobabili sadutshulwa. Nganginenxeba lokuwohloka kwamaphaphu nobuso, kodwa ngalulama ngokuphelele. Umama wayengenanhlanhla kangako. Wakhubazeka kusukela entanyeni kwehla futhi waphila njenge-quadriplegic iminyaka engu-20, ngaphambi kokuba ekugcineni anqotshwe ukulimala kwakhe.

Lapho ngisakhula, ngaqala ukucabanga ukuthi kungani lesi sehlakalo senzeka. Kungenzeka yini ukuthi umama wayivimbela? Ngingazigcina kanjani ngiphephile? Omunye umfana ophethe isibhamu angaba kuphi! Mina nomama sasingenzanga lutho olubi. Sasivele sisendaweni engafanele ngesikhathi esingafanele.

Izinketho zami, njengoba ngazibona:

• Ngangingeke ngikwazi ukuphuma endlini. Njalo.
• Ngingaphuma endlini, kodwa ngihambe ngisesimweni sokukhathazeka, ngihlale ngiphapheme, njengesosha empini ethile engabonakali.
• Ngingathatha ukweqa okukhulu kokholo bese ngikhetha ukukholelwa ukuthi namuhla kuzolunga.

Ngoba izinsuku eziningi zinjalo. Futhi iqiniso liwukuthi, angikwazi ukubikezela ikusasa. Kukhona njalo amathuba amancane engozi, njengalapho ungena emotweni, noma esitimeleni, noma endizeni, noma ngokuyisisekelo noma iyiphi imoto ehambayo.

Ingozi iyingxenye nje yomhlaba.

Ngithathe lokho kweqa okukhulu kokholo: Ngakhetha ukuphila impilo yami kunokuphila ngokwesaba

Noma nini lapho ngesaba, ngiyakuthatha futhi. Kuzwakala kulula. Kepha kuyasebenza.

Uma uzizwa wesaba ukuya emphakathini noma ukuyisa izingane zakho esikoleni, ngiyakuthola. Ngenza njalo. Njengomuntu obesebenzelana nalokhu iminyaka engama-35, lokhu kube yiqiniso lami eliphilayo.

Iseluleko sami ukuthi uthathe zonke izindlela zokuzivikela ukuze uthathe lokho okukhona empeleni can ukulawula. Izinto ezinengqondo, njengokungahambi wedwa ebusuku noma ukuyophuza wedwa.

Ungase futhi uzizwe unamandla ngokubandakanyeka esikoleni sengane yakho, endaweni yangakini, noma emphakathini wakho wokumela ukuphepha kwezibhamu, noma ukuzibandakanya ekumeleleni ngezinga elikhudlwana.

(Into eyodwa engakwenzi uphephe, noma kunjalo, ukuthenga isibhamu: Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi empeleni kukwenza uphephe kancane.)

Futhi-ke, lapho wenze konke ongakwenza, uthatha lokho kweqa kokholo. Uphila impilo yakho.

Yenza inqubo yakho ejwayelekile. Hambisa izingane zakho esikoleni. Iya kuWalmart namathiyetha ama-movie namakilabhu. Iya eRen Faire, uma lokho kuyinto yakho. Unganikeli ebumnyameni. Unganikeli ekwesabeni. Impela ungazidlalisi izehlakalo ekhanda lakho.

Uma usasaba, phuma noma kunjalo uma ukwazi, inqobo nje uma ukwazi. Uma uyenza usuku lonke, iyesabeka. Kwenze futhi kusasa. Uma wenza imizuzu eyi-10, zama i-15 kusasa.

Angisho ukuthi akufanele wesabe, noma ukuthi kufanele ucindezele imizwa phansi. KULUNGILE (futhi kuyaqondakala!) Ukwesaba.

Kufanele uzivumele uzizwe konke okuzwayo. Futhi uma udinga usizo, ungesabi ukubona owelapha noma ujoyine iqembu lokusekela. Ukwelashwa kungisebenzele nakanjani.

Zinakekele. Yiba nomusa kuwe. Finyelela kubangani abasekelayo namalungu omndeni. Yenza isikhathi sokondla ingqondo nomzimba wakho.

Kepha cishe akunakwenzeka ukuthola umuzwa wokuphepha lapho unikele ngempilo yakho ekwesabeni.

Ngemuva kwesigameko, ngabuyela esikoleni

Lapho nje ngibuya ekhaya ngihlala esibhedlela isonto lonke, ubaba wami nogogo wami babengangigcina ekhaya isikhashana.

Kodwa bangibuyisela esikoleni ngokushesha. Ubaba wabuyela emsebenzini, futhi sonke sabuyela emikhubeni yethu ejwayelekile. Asizange sizigweme izindawo zomphakathi. Ugogo wayevame ukungiyisa ekuphumeleni eKomidini LaseFrance ngemva kwesikole.

Ukuwa / Ubusika 1985. ENew Orleans. Cishe unyaka ngemuva kokudutshulwa. Ubaba wami, uSkip Vawter, nami. Ngineminyaka engu-5 lapha.

Lokhu yilokho kanye ebengikudinga - ukudlala nabangane bami, ngijika phezulu kakhulu ngicabanga ukuthi ngizothinta isibhakabhaka, ngidla amabhinethi eCafe du Monde, ngibuke abaculi basemgwaqweni bedlala i-jazz yakudala yaseNew Orleans, futhi ngizwe lomuzwa wokwesaba.

Ngangihlala ezweni elihle, elikhulu, elijabulisayo, futhi ngangikahle. Ekugcineni, saqala ukuhambela imitapo yolwazi yomphakathi futhi. Bangikhuthaza ukuba ngiveze imizwa yami futhi ngibatshele lapho ngingazizwa ngikahle.

Kepha bangikhuthaza futhi ukuthi ngenze zonke lezi zinto ezijwayelekile, futhi ukwenza njengomhlaba kuphephile kwenze ukuthi kuqale ukuzizwa ngiphephile kimi futhi.

Angifuni ukwenza kubonakale sengathi ngiphuma kulokhu ngingalimele. Kwatholakala ukuthi nginesifo sokucindezeleka kwangemva kwenhlekelele ngemuva nje kwesigameko sokudubula, futhi ngiyaqhubeka nokuhlushwa ukudutshulwa, i-quadriplegia kamama, nobuntwana bami obuyinkimbinkimbi ngempela. Nginezinsuku ezinhle nezimbi. Kwesinye isikhathi ngizizwa ngicindezelwe kakhulu, ngakho-ke akuvamile.

Kodwa indlela kababa nogogo yokululama yanginikeza umuzwa wemvelo wokuphepha, yize ngangidutshuliwe. Futhi lowo muzwa wokuphepha awukaze ungishiye. Kungigcine ngifudumele ebusuku.

Futhi yingakho ngiye eRen Faire nomyeni wami nendodana yami.

Lapho sifika lapho, ngikhohliwe ngokusongela kokudubula okungahleliwe

Bengimatasa kakhulu ngithatha ubuhle obunesiphithiphithi, obuyisimanga nxazonke zami. Kwaba kanye kuphela lapho ngakhanyisa kulolovalo. Ngibe sengiqalaza. Konke kwakubonakala kuhamba kahle.

Ngomzamo wengqondo owenziwayo, ojwayelekile, ngazitshela ukuthi ngiyaphila. Ukuthi ngingabuyela kumnandi.

Ingane yami ibidonsa ngesandla sami, ikhomba owesilisa ogqoke njengosathane (ngicabanga) onezimpondo nomsila, ebuza ukuthi ngabe lo mfana ungumuntu yini. Ngaphoqa ukuhleka. Bese ngihleka impela, ngoba bekuhlekisa ngempela. Ngiqabule indodana yami. Ngange umyeni wami futhi ngasikisela ukuthi siyothenga u-ayisikhilimu.

UNorah Vawter ungumlobi ozimele, umhleli, nombhali wamanga. Isekelwe endaweni ye-D.C., ingumhleli onomagazini wewebhu i-DCTRENDING.com. Engathandi ukubalekela iqiniso lokukhula komuntu osinde ebudloveni bezibhamu, ubhekana nalo ngqo embhalweni wakhe. Ushicilelwe kwiThe Washington Post, Memoir Magazine, OtherWords, Agave Magazine, naseThe Nassau Review, phakathi kwabanye. Mthole evulekile Twitter.