Yini 'Uthando Oluphuphuthekile' Engakufundisa Ngayo Eyakho Ubudlelwano IRL

-Delile

• 1. Ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo kubalulekile ... kepha kanjalo nokuheha komzimba.
• 2. Ucansi luyinto ebalulekile ebudlelwaneni bezothando.
• 3. Ukwethembeka kwangaphambilini kuyindlela njalo.
• 4. Sakha izinkinga zethu eziningi ebudlelwaneni.
• Buyekeza kwe-

Masithembeke, imibukiso ye-TV engokoqobo isifundisa ini hhayi ukukwenza ezimpilweni zethu. Kulula ukuhlala kuma-pajamas athokomele ufake isifihla-buso, ubuke othile ekhubeka engxoxweni bese ucabanga, 'Angisoze ngakwenza lokho'. Kodwa, eqinisweni, i-TV yangempela iyinguqulo ethuthukisiwe, ye-petri-dish yezimpilo zethu. (Futhi kungakwenza uzizwe uzwela ngokwengeziwe kwabanye.)

Ingabe ikhiqizwa? Yebo. Ingabe kuseyiqiniso futhi kuhlobene? Yebo. Ngaphandle kwalokho, besingeke siyibuke.

Sizibona thina, abangani bethu, umndeni, kanye nozakwethu kubantu noma abalingisi ezikrinini ze-TV. Ngakho-ke, nakuba, uqinisekile ukuthi le "TV kadoti" "iyintokozo enecala" -ukuzibambela mathupha, ungase futhi ushiye usofa wakho uhlakaniphe kakhudlwana kunalapho udilika phansi uma ufuna ngempela.

Ake sicabangele uhlelo lwe-TV oludumile kakhulu lweNetflix, Uthando aluboni. Umbukiso uqala ngenqwaba yamadoda nabesifazane abangashadile abashesha ngejubane "kuma-pods" -ngakaze babonane futhi bezwa izwi kuphela kolunye uhlangothi, ngenhloso yokusungula ukuxhumana okususelwa engxoxweni kuphela, ukukhanga ngokomzimba kanye namakhemikhali ngaphandle ye-equation (okungenani ekuqaleni).

Uhlelo luphakamisa umbuzo othi, "Ingabe uthando luyimpumputhe?" icela ababambiqhaza ukuthi banciphise ukuthi ubani abanokuxhumana okuqinile naye ukuze ekugcineni bakhethe umuntu oyedwa, bathandane bengabonwa, bese bekhipha isiphakamiso saphakade noma basamukele. Yebo, phakamisa umshado ... ngodonga! Uma abangenele umncintiswano sebengakwazi ukubonana nokuxhumana.

Ngeke ngiqambe amanga: Lapho ngizwa lesi simiso, ngakhipha amehlo ami. Kuzwakale sengathi Ushade Ekuqaleni ihlangana IBachelor ihlangana Ubhuti Omkhulu. Kodwa-ke, njengoba ngingumsingathi we-Bachelor franchise recap podcast kanye nomelaphi wobudlelwano, abantu abaningi baqala ukungibhalela bengibuza mayelana Uthando aluboni.

"Ucabangani ngokuziphatha kukaGiannina kuDamian?"

"Ima, ucabange ukuthi uCarlton wasisingatha kanjani leso simo?"

"Ucabanga ukuthi uJessica wake waba nemizwa enamandla ngoMark?

Ngokushesha ngaba nesithakazelo. (Umbukiso omusha kaGwyneth Paltrow weNetflix ushukumisa ibhodwe, futhi.)

Ngakho-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi uyazibuza ukuthi yini ongayifunda embukisweni onesisekelo esibi kangaka sokwazisa impilo yakho yangempela. Impendulo? Kancane, empeleni. Nazi izifundo ezine wonke umuntu angafunda ngazo mayelana nobudlelwano kusuka Uthando aluboni:

1. Ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo kubalulekile ... kepha kanjalo nokuheha komzimba.

Kusukela ekuqaleni, Uthando aluboni izithandani, uKelly Chase noKenny Barnes, babe nokuxhumana okuqinile, kepha lapho sebengene endaweni ebonakalayo, uKelly uthe uKenny wayezizwa njengomfowabo kakhulu kunomlingani ocansini. Lokhu kumvimbe ekuhloleni noma yibuphi ubuhlobo bobulili naye, okuyishwa.

Umbuzo owodwa umbukiso owubuza ngokuphindaphindiwe—“Ingabe uthando aluboni?”—ubalulekile okufanele ucatshangelwe. IRL, sizibuza lo mbuzo futhi, kuzwakala kuhluke kancane. "Yikuphi okubaluleke kakhulu: ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo noma ukuxhumana ngokomzimba?" noma "Ingabe kungcono ukuba nokuxhumana okungokomzwelo bese wakha okwenyama noma uqale ngokuxhumeka ngokomzimba futhi wakhe ucezu lomzwelo?"

Ngokufanelekile, kukhona kokubili; Uhehwa ukubukeka komuntu, ubuntu bakhe, futhi unamakhemikhali ezocansi ongakhela kuwo. Kepha, kuthiwani uma enye yalezo zinto ilahlekile? Kuthiwani uma ubuthanda ngempela ubuntu bomuntu othile, kepha ungenayo leyo nto * enhlansi? (Okuhlobene: Izinto ezi-5 Wonke Umuntu Okumele Azazi Ngocansi Nokuqomisana, Ngokusho Kwe-Relationship Therapist)

Ngenkathi, akufanele uzizwe ucindezelekile ukwenza noma yini ongafuni ukuyenza noma engazizwa ikhululekile, njengomelaphi wezocansi, ngincoma kakhulu ukuhlola ukuthi ukuxhumeka ngokomzimba / ngokocansi kungazizwa kanjani ngaphambi kokunquma ukuthi akuyona kungenzeka. Kwabanye, lokhu kungasho ukuya ocansini ukuze ubone ukuthi kuzwakala kanjani ezingeni elingokomzimba nelomzwelo kanye nakwabanye, lokhu kungasho ukuvele uhlole ukusondelana engxoxweni noma ukuthintana. Ungasho kanjani ngokuqinisekile ukuthi alukho uxhumano lomzimba lapho kungekho thuba elinikeziwe lokuluthuthukisa?

2. Ucansi luyinto ebalulekile ebudlelwaneni bezothando.

Umehluko phakathi kombhangqwana onamakhemikhali ocansi osheshayo nalowo ongaboniswa ngokuphelele ngawo Uthando aluboni imibhangqwana uMatt Barnett (aka Barnett) no-Amber Pike ngokuqhathaniswa nalokhu okushiwo ngenhla uKelly noKenny.

Cishe ngaso leso sikhathi, uBarnett no-Amber badonswa ndawonye, ​​abakwazi ukugcina izandla zabo zisondelene. Lokhu kunjalo, kuya ngezinga elithile njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka, kepha kunikeza isisekelo sempilo yezocansi engahlala isikhathi eside, emnandi, nejabulisayo (inqobo nje uma kunokuxhumana okuhle).

Abanye abantu bakholelwa ukuthi uma ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo kukhona, ubulili buzosebenza lapho. Lokho akulona iqiniso. Abanye abantu abahambisani nhlobo ngokocansi.

Kodwa, ungethuki! Izinkinga eziningi zobudlelwane zingaxazululwa ngokukhulumisana okuhle futhi mhlawumbe nosizo lomelaphi wocansi. Ngenkathi ezimweni ezingavamile empeleni ungaba nomzimba wesidoda somlingani wakho, imvamisa ubuningi bezinye izinto ezenza ukuhamba ngezifiso zakho (noma ukuntuleka kwakho) kube yinselele.

Cabanga: ukwehluka kwe-libido, ukuxhumana okungafanele, ukukhetha okuhlukile nemibono yokuthi yini eyenza impilo yezocansi "enhle". Indlela enhle yokulwa nazo zonke lezi zinto ukufunda ukuxhumana kahle futhi ufunde umzimba nezifiso zakho. Kuyinselele impela ukuxhumana okufunayo nokuthandayo uma ungazi nokuthi uziphendulele kanjani.

Ubulili abuyona yonke into, kepha yingxenye enkulu yanoma ibuphi ubudlelwano bothando. Ungathandana nomuntu, wenze ucansi olusezingeni eliphansi futhi usebenzele ukuthi lube oluthinta ingqondo. Kudinga nje umzamo, ezingxenyeni zombili zabantu — nokuzibophezela ekwenzeni lokho kusebenza ngokubambisana.

3. Ukwethembeka kwangaphambilini kuyindlela njalo.

Uthando aluboni Izithandani uCarlton Morton noDiamond Jack bayishaya ngokushesha kuma-pods. U-Carlton uhlongoze u-Diamon ngenkathi ese-pods, futhi wavuma, kodwa lapho sebefike eholidini labo elishisayo 'emhlabeni wangempela', uCartlon wavuma engodusweni yakhe entsha ukuthi unobulili obubili-ibhomu okufanele alilahle. ngemuva isiphakamiso, akunjalo?

UCarlton uqhubeka echaza ukuthi uke walahlwa ngabesifazane esikhathini esedlule ngemuva kokwabelana ngokuthi uke walala nabo futhi ukhangwa abesilisa nabesifazane. Ngeshwa, lapho ekhuluma ngalezi zindaba, uDiamond akaziphathi kahle lezi zindaba. Usekhulume ngokuthi azokwenza ngendlela ehlukile, ebatshela Abantu, "Bengizoshintsha indlela ebisebenza ngayo. Bengizama ukuqonda kakhulu, kodwa benginemibuzo ngoba angikaze ngibe nendoda engabesilisa nabesifazane."

Isifundo lapha ukubeka wonke amakhadi akho etafuleni. Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuthi uCarlton abe nobulili obubili. Okungalungile ukugodla imininingwane ebalulekile ngawe futhi uphakamise ukuchitha impilo nomuntu ngaphandle kokumnika ithuba lokwazi okuphelele kuwe.

Emhlabeni wangempela, lokhu kungahle kushiye imininingwane ebalulekile mayelana nobulili bakho, ukuzibandakanya kwezepolitiki, izikweletu, izinkinga zomndeni, izifiso zocansi noma amakinki ... akunandaba nesihloko, vele uthembeke-isikhathi.

Noma ngabe uhlangana ne-pod kusethi yombukiso we-TV ongokoqobo, endaweni yokucima ukoma, noma kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuphola, ukwethembeka kuyinqubomgomo enhle kakhulu. Lokhu akusho ukuthi udinga ukutshela umuntu ongaba ngumlingani wakho konke ngawe emizuzwini engama-30 yokuqala, kepha kusho ukuthi udinga ukuthembeka mayelana nokuthi ungubani nokuthi yini oyifunayo kungekudala. Ngabe awuthandi ukuthola ngosuku lwakho lwesithathu esikhundleni sosuku lwesithathu unyaka ukuthi awuvumelanisi njengoba ubucabanga?

4. Sakha izinkinga zethu eziningi ebudlelwaneni.

Uthando aluboniUJessica Batten noMark Anthony Cuevas bathandana ngokushesha emidlalweni, yize uJessica wayenemizwa ngoBarnett, owagcina ngo-Amber. Enye yezindikimba eziyinhloko zobudlelwano bukaJessica noMark kwakuyigebe leminyaka yobudala eyi-10 uJessica ayengaliboni lidlulile.

Kwakuyisibonelo sencwadi yokudala inkinga ebudlelwaneni nokuyibeka icala kwabanye abantu. Kwakucace bha ukuthi uJessica wayengakhululekile ngeqiniso lokuthi kwakukhona iminyaka eyishumi phakathi kwezinsuku zabo zokuzalwa. Nokho, esikhundleni sokusho okuningi futhi akhulume ngakho noMarku, waqhubeka ekhuluma ngokuthi abanye babeyobubona kanjani ubuhlobo babo kunokuba abe nokungazethembi kwakhe ngakho. Lokhu kukhathazeka yilokho (isexwayiso se-spoiler!) Ekugcineni kwaholela ekuqothulweni kobudlelwano babo ... e-altare, hhayi ngaphansi.

Uma ubona umuntu osemncane, khulumani ngomehluko weminyaka ndawonye. Khuluma ngokuthi igebe lingathinta kanjani manje nekusasa lakho. Khuluma ngokukhathazeka abanye abantu okungenzeka babe nakho ngokusekelwe emibonweni eyiphutha yomphakathi kanye nendlela ofuna ukuxazulula ngayo ndawonye.

Singadala izingqinamba ezingekho ngempela lapho singakhululekile noma singaqiniseki ukuthi sifuna ukuba sebudlelwaneni. UJessica wayesebenzisa lo mehluko wobudala njengobufakazi bokuthi ubudlelwano babo ngeke busebenze, kunokumane athi mhlawumbe akamtholanga ekhanga, akajabule, noma wayengakulungele ukuzibophezela.

Buyekeza kwe-