Umhlahlandlela Wentombazane Emnandi Yokungabi Yisicabha Somnyango

-Delile

• Kuphelele Ukuma Kwakho
• Ukuzijwayeza Kwenza Kuphelele
• I-Nix Negative Self-Talk
• Ithi Cha
• Khulumela phezulu
• Hlanya
• Zizungeze Nabanye Abesifazane Abanamandla
• Buyekeza kwe-

Ingabe nguwe umuntu obizwa umphathi wakho ukuthi eze ngempelasonto? Ingabe uyintombazane eya lapho udadewenu edinga ihlombe lokukhala kulo? Ngabe ungumngani ogcina njalo emboza ithiphu, ngokuba ngumshayeli oqokiwe, ophethe ukuthenga izipho zamaqembu, futhi uxolisa noma kunini lapho imizwa yomuntu ilimala? Ngabe ulungile kuhle kangaka? Njengabesifazane sifundiswa ukuthi sihlale sibambisana, sizwelane, siziphathe kalula futhi sivumelane nabanye. Yize zonke lezo kuyizici ezinhle okufanele ube nazo, futhi kusho ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi sisizakale. Kepha kukhona ukulinganisela phakathi kokuba intombazane enhle nokuba ngumnyango wonyawo.

UPscyhotherapist noMqeqeshi Wezempilo uJan Graham, we-Live a Little Coaching, uthi abantu besifazane bangafunda ukuzimela ngaphandle kokuzizwa benobugovu noma belahlekelwe yizipho zethu zemvelo zokubonisana, ukuguquguquka, kanye nekhono ekutholeni izixazululo "zokuwina / zokuwina". "Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuba muhle!" uthi, "Kufanele sithole okwengeziwe, kahle, amasu ngakho." Nakhu ukuthi ungakuthola kanjani okufunayo ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa ukuthi ungubani:

Kuphelele Ukuma Kwakho

iStockphoto/Getty

Lokhu akukhona ukuthi ukwazi ukulinganisela incwadi ekhanda lakho noma ukubukeka uzacile esiketini sakho sepensela. Lokhu kumayelana nokuqinisekisa amandla akho ngokuma kwakho. Enkulumweni yakhe ye-TED "Ulimi Lwakho Lomzimba Lubumba ukuthi Ungubani," isazi solimi lomzimba u-Amy Cuddy uchaze ukuthi ucwaningo luthole ukuthi lapho abesifazane bethatha "ukuma kwamandla" esivame ukuzihlanganisa nabesilisa, izintokazi zazingabonwa nje ukuthi zinamandla amakhulu, kodwa ukuthi nabo babezizwa ngaleyo ndlela.

UGraham weluleka abesifazane ukuthi babheke emehlweni, basebenzise izwi elinokuzethemba, futhi umelane nesifiso sokunqamula izingalo nemilenze noma uklwebhe umzimba wakho ukuze uthathe isikhala esincane ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ukuzijwayeza Kwenza Kuphelele

iStockphoto/Getty

Ukuzethemba kuza ngokwemvelo kwabanye besifazane, kepha uma nje umcabango wokuzimela kukwenza ufune ukubeka phansi, khona-ke udinga ukuzijwayeza, kusho uGraham. "Ziphonsele inselelo kaningi ukuzibeka lapho futhi uzimele, kepha ukwenze ngamasu - hhayi ngendlela ezokwehlula." Uma umsebenzi kulapho uvame ukuzizwa ubekwa khona, qala ngokuma kosebenza naye bese usebenzela umphathi wakho. Ngakho-ke, uma osebenza naye ekucela ukuthi ubheke okuthile akwenzile, ungasho okuthile okufana nokuthi, "Jill, ngijabule kakhulu ngesethulo sangoLwesihlanu futhi sethula umkhiqizo wethu omusha. Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi kuhamba kahle ngangokunokwenzeka, mina ngidinga ukubeka wonke amandla ami lapho - kodwa ngingajabula ukubuka iphepha lakho ngesonto elizayo. " Okusemqoka ukugxila kulokho ongakwenza, hhayi kulokho ongakwazi.

I-Nix Negative Self-Talk

iStockphoto/Getty

Ubulokhu ukhona unamahloni. Awukwazi ukwenza lokhu. Akekho ofuna ukuzwa imibono yakho eyisimungulu. Kwesinye isikhathi siyizitha zethu ezimbi kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngendlela esikhuluma ngayo sodwa. "Imvamisa, siyazi ngokwengqondo ukuthi sizihlulela ngokwamazinga aphezulu kunanoma ngubani omunye umuntu, kodwa noma kunjalo sizitshela izinto ezinokhahlo noma kanjani. Lokhu kungasenza sesabe ukuthatha amathuba angasiqhubekisela phambili phambili," kusho uGraham.

Ithi Cha

iStockphoto/Getty

"Abesifazane abaningi banomuzwa wokuthi uma othile ecela ukwenzelwa okuthile, impendulo efanelekile inguyebo njalo, noma ngabe wenzelwa muphi umsebenzi noma ngubani ocela lokho, futhi bazicabangela bona uma bengavumi ngokuzenzekelayo," kusho uGraham. Elinye iqhinga lokufunda ukuthi cha cha ukukhumbula ukuthi ukusho "yebo" entweni eyodwa ngokuzenzakalela kusho ukuthi "cha" ezintweni eziningi ezifana nabathandekayo, izilwane ezifuywayo noma isikhathi samahhala. Futhi uma unenkinga yokuthi "cha" ngokuqondile, okungenani funda amaqhinga okubambezela. UGraham uthi kulungile impela ukuthi uzithethelele ngokuthi "mhlawumbe" bese uthatha isikhathi esithe xaxa ukuhlola ukuthi uyafuna ngempela yini ukuzibophezela. Intandokazi yakhe? "Kuzwakala sengathi kungenzeka, kodwa ngidinga ukubheka ikhalenda lami kuqala."

Khulumela phezulu

iStockphoto/Getty

Ezingxoxweni nabanye, ungakhuluma okucabangayo ngenkathi ugcina umusa wakho wemvelo kanye nokubonisana. "Akudingeki ukhulume ubukhali noma ube luhlaza," kusho uGraham, "Kepha uma ubhekene nabafana abahlale bekhuluma ngawe, ungadinga ukufunda ukuphazamisa njengabo."

Hlanya

istock / getty

Sivame ukutshelwa ukuthi intukuthelo ayizuzisi kepha kwesinye isikhathi udinga umlilo omncane ukukugqugquzela ukuthi wenze okuthile. UGraham uthi uma unganakwa ngokungafanele, ubukelwa phansi, noma usizakala, ungavele uthukuthele noma ukhononde kumngane onozwela noma ilungu lomndeni. "Thatha leyo mizwa engajabulisi, futhi uma ilungile, yikhiphe ngaphandle kunokuba uyikhiphe ngaphakathi," kusho yena. "Qhamuka necebo lokuthile okuncane ongakwenza ukuzinamathela wena ngokwengeziwe." Isibonelo, ngesikhathi esilandelayo lapho umngane wakho ezimema khona esidlweni sakusihlwa, mazise ukuthi usuvele unazo ezinye izinhlelo kodwa ungathanda ukumisa isikhathi se-brunch ngesonto elizayo.

Zizungeze Nabanye Abesifazane Abanamandla

iStockphoto/Getty

’Kusenezinga elikabili, lapho abesifazane bahlulelwa ngokuhlukile kunabesilisa ngokunamathela bona,” kuchaza uGraham."Kodwa okuxakayo, imvamisa kuba ngabesifazane ngokwabo abaqala ukufaka ilebula ethi 'nondindwa' kwabesifazane abanamandla!" Esikhundleni sokuqhudelana, thola abanye besifazane abanamandla, abazethembayo ozobhande nabo. Ngeke nje bakusize uzizwe ungokwemvelo ngokuzimelela, kodwa futhi ngeke ube namathuba amancane okunakekela uma abanye abangenalwazi bebiza lobo bubi.

Buyekeza kwe-