Ungabhekana Kanjani Nobungane Ohlangothi olulodwa

-Delile

• Ungabunquma Kanjani Ubungane Ohlangothini Lunye
• Ukwenqatshwa Okucatshangwayo
• Ijika lobungane, njll.
• Ukungezwani Okungakhulunywa
• Nquma ukuthi uzobhekana yini nale nkinga
• Ungaphilisa Kanjani Ngobungani Obuseceleni
• Buyekeza kwe-

Esikhathini lapho isidingo sokuba kude ngokomzimba siye sadumaza ebusuku abaningi bamantombazane, ukulondoloza ubungane, ikakhulukazi nalabo "obusondelene" nabo kuphela, kungaba nzima. Njengalokhu, kwesinye isikhathi abangane bavele bahlukane - into ejwayelekile noma ubhadane lungekho. Yize kunjalo, udosi lobungane obulahlekile noma bohlangothi olulodwa, ngisho naphakathi kwabantu obajwayele, lusengakushiya uzizwa ungaphekiwe, ulimele futhi mhlawumbe udidekile kancane.

Uma umngane engachithi isikhathi esiningi noma umzamo ebudlelwaneni benu njengoba ayejwayele ukwenza (noma, uma uthembekile kuwena, njalo), kulula ukuchaza lokhu njengokulahlwa, kusho uDanielle Bayard Jackson, ozinze eFlorida. umqeqeshi wobungani nomsunguli weFriend Forward. Lolu hlobo lokuxoshwa kumngane lungazizwa lufana nomunyu wokunqatshwa yilowo owayengaba yisithandwa sakhe noma owayekade eyisithandwa sakhe, kusho uHan Ren, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinelayisense esizinze e-Austin, eTexas. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ukususwa ngumngani kungadala izindawo ezifanayo zobuchopho ezisuswe yizinhlungu zomzimba. Ukuhumusha: Kuyabheda impela.

Ngisho noma lowo muntu engacasukile ngawe, “njengabantu, sinomkhuba wokwenza izinto zibe ngezakho futhi sizenze ngathi,” kusho uRen. Kungakho, kwabanye abantu, imizwa ebuhlungu ebuhlotsheni obuhlangothini olulodwa ingancipha kancane. (Okuhlobene: Isayensi Ithi Ubungani Bungukhiye Wempilo Ehlala Njalo Nenjabulo)

Izinga owenza ngalo ukuxoshwa kube ngokwakho kuncike ezintweni eziningi ezihlanganisa ukuhlukumezeka okwedlule noma ubudlelwano, kusho uRen. Isibonelo, ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwangaphambilini ngokunqatshwa, ungathola ukuthi uvame ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle kwabanye (IRL noma ku-inthanethi) ukuze uzizwe ufanelwe ubungane noma othile abantu abafuna ukuba naye, kuchaza uCortney Beasley, Psy.D , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo somtholampilo esinelayisense eSan Francisco, CA kanye nomsunguli wePut In Black, inkundla eku-inthanethi ehlose ukwehlisa imikhuba yezempilo nenhlalakahle yomphakathi oMnyama. Kepha "ukufaneleka kwakho njengomuntu akukhona ukuthi kunqunywe abanye abantu," uyanezela. Ukugcizelela kakhulu lokho abanye abakucabangayo ngawe kungalimaza kakhulu impilo yakho yengqondo nokuzethemba okujwayelekile, futhi kukhuthaze imizwa yokukhathazeka, ingcindezi, nemicabango ecindezelayo.

Ngakho-ke, ungabusingatha kanjani ubungani obuhlangothini olulodwa noma yini ezwakala njengokulahlwa kumuntu obumthatha njengomngani? Okokuqala, yazi ukuthi imizwa yakho isemthethweni, kepha kungahle kube nokuningi endabeni. Nakhu ukuthi ungakuthola kanjani okungahambi kahle, unqume ukuthi ubungani bufanele ukulondolozwa yini, futhi ulungise futhi uqhubeke.

Ungabunquma Kanjani Ubungane Ohlangothini Lunye

Ngaphambi kokuthi ufinyelele esiphethweni (unecala!), uzofuna ukudalula ukuthi yini ngempela emayelana nobungane benu. Ungahle umangale ukuthola ukuthi i-pal yakho imane ilahlekelwe yizimpawu zakho noma ihamba nezinto zayo i-RN.

Ukwenqatshwa Okucatshangwayo

Umngane wakho kungenzeka ukuthi akazami ukukubulala ngamabomu, kusho uJackson. Akuwona wonke umuntu ozofinyelela okulindele, ukusho, ukuqala izingxoxo noma isikhathi sokuphendula, ngakho-ke ungase uchaze ngokungeyikho lo mehluko njengokunqatshwa, noma lokho akubiza ngokuthi "ukwenqatshwa okucatshangelwayo." Eqinisweni, umngane wakho kungenzeka ukuthi udonsa kanzima ukuze ajwayele ukulondoloza ubudlelwano ngesikhathi sokuvalelwa yedwa noma ukubhekana nolunye udaba lomuntu siqu oluhlukanisa ukunaka kwakhe. "Awugijimisani nabangane noza nabo ezindaweni zakho ezijwayelekile zokuxhumana nabantu," kusho uJackson. "Manje, uma umngane efuna ukukubona noma ukukhuluma nawe, kufanele enze icebo futhi abaze isikhathi." Ubhadane luphoqa abantu ukuthi bacabange kabusha ngobudlelwano babo nokuthi yini edingekayo ukubakhulisa. (Okuhlobene: Ungabhekana Kanjani Nesizungu Uma Uzihlukanisa Nabodwa Ngesikhathi Sokuqubuka KweCoronavirus)

Ijika lobungane, njll.

Kodwa-ke, kunezimo lapho kucaca khona ukuthi umuntu akasafuni ukubeka phambili ubuhlobo bakho. Qonda ukuthi lokhu kungenzeka kungahlangene nawe noma imizamo yakho, kusho uJackson. Wena nomngane wakho ningase nibe nezinto eziza kuqala ezihlukene noma nibe semazingeni ahlukene empilo. Abangane abakhula ngaphandle nokuhlukana kuvamile - kubizwa ngokuthi ijika lobungane - nakuba kungakwenzi kunciphe. Umngane wakho kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima noma inkinga yezempilo yengqondo, futhi akanawo amandla okutshala imali kwabanye. Uma kungubungani obusha, lo muntu angangeniswa futhi angavuli ekuhloleni ukuxhumana okusha. (Okuhlobene: Ungabenza Kanjani Abangane Njengabantu Abadala - Futhi Kungani Kubaluleke Kangaka Empilweni Yakho)

Okokugcina, iqiniso elibuhlungu ukuthi akuwona wonke umuntu ozokuthanda futhi kulungile. Abanye abantu abahlangani kahle, futhi ukuphoqa ubungane ngeke kukujabulise ekugcineni.

Ukungezwani Okungakhulunywa

Kungase kube nesizathu esiqonde kakhudlwana soxhumo olugejiwe: ukungqubuzana.

Noma umngani wakho engakubuzanga ngodaba oluthile, ungahle usho okuthile ngokuthi uma bengazani futhi beqhelelene ngokuzumayo, benolaka, noma bakukhipha ngamabomu emicimbini noma ezimemweni, kusho uRen. Noma kunjalo, kuvamile ukuphuthelwa yilezi zimpawu ngokuphelele njengoba umngani wakho angahle agweme ingxabano ngokwenza sengathi konke kuhamba kahle. Umuntu angase akhethe ukubushiya buthule ubuhlobo esikhundleni sokulungisa inkinga. “Ukuphila kulo mhlaba okwaziyo ukufinyelela izinto eziningi, kulula ukuthi abantu bazizwe bengadingeki bafake umsebenzi noma babhekane nengcindezi engase iqhamuke nobudlelwano ngoba bayakwazi ukuqhubeka nokuhlangana nabanye abantu. , "kuchaza uBeasley.

Nquma ukuthi uzobhekana yini nale nkinga

Noma ngabe siyini isizathu sokuxabana - ukuxhumana okungafanele, ukutolikwa okungalungile, isikhathi esingalungile, izinto eza kuqala phambili, noma ukungqubuzana okuqondile - ukuphela kwendlela yokwazi ukuthi kwenzekeni ukukhuluma nomngane wakho ngqo. Kodwa kufanele wena? Ingabe lokho kuzonikeza ukuvalwa? Lungisa ubungani? Noma wenza okubi kunokulunga?

Izinto ezimbalwa okufanele uzicabangele, ngokusho kukaRen:

• Ingabe unayo umkhawulokudonsa womzwelo wokuba nale ngxoxo?
• Ngabe uzimisele ukufaka umfutho owengeziwe nokusebenza kanzima kulobu bungani?
• Ngabe umngani kungenzeka abe nale ngxoxo nawe? Uma kunjalo, bazothembeka yini?
• Ngabe uyafuna lo muntu empilweni yakho ngokuzayo? Uma kunjalo, kungani?

Khumbula ukuthi umngane wakho angase angazimisele ngokususa umoya noma afake imizwa yakho ngaphansi kwengubo uma ukhuluma, ngakho ungase ungakutholi ukuvalwa noma izimpendulo obuzilindele.

Uma ufinyelela, futhi umngane wakho evuma ukuba nengxoxo, ufuna ukuveza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngaphandle kokubeka umthwalo kumngane wakho, kusho uBeasley. Ukusho into njengokuthi "Ngiphatheke kabi ngoba asichithi isikhathi ndawonye. Angifuni uzizwe ubophekile, bengifuna ukubona ukuthi kukhona yini esingaxoxa ngakho okungasiza isimo" kungase kuqale izinto, uthi. Uma ungakwazi ukulungisa ubungani, kuhle, kepha "ungabona ukuthi lo akuyena umuntu ongumuntu wami, lo akuyena umuntu engifuna ukumletha ekusaseni lami, noma lobu budlelwano abungisebenzeli njengoba kufakazelwa ukuthi baphendule kanjani emizamweni yami yokuyilungisa, "kusho uRen. (Okuhlobene: Ingabe Umngane Wakho Uyi-'Vampire Engokomzwelo '? Nakhu ukuthi Ungabhekana Kanjani Nobungane Obuyingozi)

Ungaphilisa Kanjani Ngobungani Obuseceleni

Noma ngabe ubungani buqhubeka noma cha noma uma ufika esinqumweni esithile, imizwa elimele iseseyiqiniso. Ngenhlanhla, ungakwazi ukubeka ubuhlungu ngemuva kwakho ngomzamo omncane kanye nokuzithanda wena. Lapha, amathiphu ambalwa wochwepheshe angakusiza ukuthi uqalise endleleni eya ekwelapheni.

Vuma imizwa.

Imizwa ecindezelayo inemiphumela enamathelayo, njengokucasuka okungafanele noma ukucasuka okungabonakala ngezindlela ezingaqondile noma kube nomthelela obunye ubudlelwano, kusho uRen. Esikhundleni salokho, qaphela ukuthi imiphi imizwa evela ekuhlanganyeleni kwakho (noma ukungabi bikho kwakho) nalo mngani, futhi uvume ukuthi uzizwa unjani - unamahloni? kudabukisa? uthukuthele?

Khona-ke, yenza noma yini okudingeka uyenze, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyakhala noma uhlezi nje uphatheke kabi. Zibekezelele, uvumele isikhathi esanele sokuvumela le mizwa ukuthi ithule, bese idlula. Ungacabanga ukukhuluma nomunye umngane noma umelaphi noma uzame ukubhala kujenali njengendlela yokukhulula esinye sesisindo sale mizwa. (Okuhlobene: Into Eyodwa Ongayenza Ukuze Ube Nomusa Kuwe Manje)

Shintsha ukulandisa okungekuhle.

Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa sengathi unephutha ngandlela thize ngobungane obunohlangothi olulodwa, ukuqhubeka kusho ukushintsha lokho kulandisa, kusho uJackson.

Qala ukuqaphela lapho ukhuluma kabi, njengokuthi 'ingabe ngikhulume kakhulu?' noma 'angeneli?' Qaphela uma ucubungula le mizwa.

Uma ukukhuluma okungalungile kudlala kaninginingi ekhanda lakho, zama ukuzicula kunalokho, kusho uRen. "Kunzima ukuzithatha ngokungathi sína uma ucula into efana nokuthi 'Anginalutho' noma 'Ngingumuntu okhohlakele.'" Uzobona ukuthi lokho kuzwakala kuwubuwula kanjani bese ungakuthembi okuncane.

Xhuma kabusha nabanye.

Esikhundleni sokuzama "ukubuyisela" lo mngane, gxila ekuhlale uxhumekile kwabanye. Chitha isikhathi nabantu obazi ukuthi ungathembela kubo (okusho umzala othembekile noma umngane webanga lesikole) ukuzikhumbuza ngokubaluleka kwakho njengomngane nezimfihlo, kusho uJackson. Uzokhunjuzwa ngobulula obutholakala ebudlelwaneni obunikelwe bobabili.

Cabanga ngezifundo okungenzeka uzifundile.

Ungamangala ukuthi kunezinto ezithile ezinhle ezivela ebuhlotsheni obulahliwe obusekela uhlangothi olulodwa, kusho uRen. Kokunye, ukudabuka nosizi kugcizelela ukuthi ubudlelwano obulahlekile babubalulekile kuwe. Lokhu kukuvumela ukuthi uqale ukubheka ukuthi iziphi izici zobudlelwano obuzazisile, ngakho-ke ungazifuna kunoma yibuphi ubungane besikhathi esizayo, kusho uBeasley. Bambelela esikhumbuzweni esinikeza ithemba sokuthi lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okungekuhle kobungane bohlangothi olulodwa akunqumi ukuthi ubungane bakho obulandelayo buzohamba kanjani.

Buyekeza kwe-