Ama-Post-Breakup Do's namaDon'ts

-Delile

• Ukusungula imingcele
• Thatha isikhathi uhlukane
• Hloniphani izidingo zomunye nomunye
• Gcina ibanga elithile ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo
• Imihlahlandlela ‘yabangani nje’
• Xoxa ngokuthi uzokuphatha kanjani ukuhlangana
• Ukuzinakekela
• Beka kuqala ukuzinakekela
• Yenza izinto ozijabulelayo
• Veza imizwa yakho…
• … Kepha gwema ukuzigaxa kuzo
• Xoxa indaba yakho
• Ukubhekana nabezindaba zenhlalo
• Gwema ukusebenzisa imithombo yezokuxhumana ngangokunokwenzeka
• Ungathumeli mayelana nokwehlukana
• Ungashintshi isimo sakho sobudlelwano zisuka
• Ungalandeli umlingani wakho wakudala
• Ungahloli ikhasi le-ex yakho
• Uma ngabe nihlala ndawonye
• Vuselela isikhala sakho
• Yenza 'i-mini remodel'
• Box up mementos
• Hlanganisa izimpahla zabo
• Uma unabangane abaningi abahlanganyele
• Uma usebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous
• Phumela obala ngemizwa yakho
• Khuluma ngezinyathelo ezilandelayo
• Thatha umgwaqo ophakeme
• Kulungile ukucela usizo

Ukwehlukana nemizwelo abayikhulisayo kuyinkimbinkimbi. Ukukhululeka, ukudideka, ukudabuka kwenhliziyo, usizi - konke lokhu kuyindlela ejwayelekile ejwayelekile yokuphela kobudlelwano. Noma izinto ziphela ngendlela enempilo futhi ikhiqize, mhlawumbe uzobe usasala nemizwa ethile engakhululekile.

Lezi zeluleko zingakusiza ukuthi uqale inqubo yokuqoqa izingcezu futhi uye phambili. Khumbula nje, wena kuthanda dlula kukho, noma ngabe izinto zizizwa zinzima kanjani njengamanje.

Ukusungula imingcele

Kwesinye isikhathi kulula ukugwema ukweqa izindlela nomuntu owabe uzakwethu ngemuva kokwehlukana. Kepha uma uhlala edolobheni elincane noma wazi abantu abaningi abafanayo, ungaba nesikhathi esinzima ngokwehlukanisa ngokuphelele izimpilo zakho.

Ukubeka imingcele ecacile yoxhumana naye ngokuzayo kungasiza ukwenza ukuhlukana kube lula kini nobabili.

Thatha isikhathi uhlukane

Noma ngabe nobabili niyazi ukuthi nifuna ukugcina ubungani, isikhala esincane isikhashana ngeke silimaze. Ukuhlaba ikhefu ekuthumeleni imiyalezo nokuzihlalela kungasiza nobabili ukuqala ukwelashwa.

Umelaphi onelayisense womshado nomndeni uKatherine Parker uphakamisa ukulinda phakathi kwezinyanga ezi-1 nezingu-3 ngaphambi kokuphinde uxhumane nowawukade usebenza naye uma kuyinto onentshisekelo kuyo leyo.

Lokhu kukunika isikhathi sokugxila kuwe, usho kanje. Kungakusiza futhi ukuthi ugweme ukuwela esimweni esiyingozi sokunikeza ukusekelwa okungokomzwelo kowayengumlingani wakho nokwandisa isikhathi sokuhlukana.

Hloniphani izidingo zomunye nomunye

Uma ufuna ukuhlala ungabangani kodwa i-ex yakho ayifuni ukuxhumana, udinga ukukuhlonipha lokho. Ungafoneli, uthumele umqhafazo, noma ucele abangani babo ukuthi bakukhulumele bona.

Ungabakhumbula kakhulu, kepha ukungayihloniphi imingcele yabo kungalimaza noma yiliphi ithuba lobungani.

Ngenye indlela, uma owedlule exhumana nawe, ikakhulukazi ngaphambi kokuba ulungele ukukhuluma, ungazizwa ubophezelekile ukuphendula. Lokhu kungaba nzima, ikakhulukazi uma bebonakala besengozini noma beveza imizwa efana neyakho. Zikhumbuze ukuthi nobabili nidinga isikhathi nendawo yokubhekana naleyo mizwa enzima futhi nilinde kuze kudlule isikhathi sokungathintwa.

Gcina ibanga elithile ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo

Uma ufuna ukuzama into yobungani ngemuva kwesikhathi esithile nihlukanisiwe, bhekisisa ukubheka okudala nokuziphatha. Mhlawumbe uncika ikhanda lakho ehlombe labo ngenkathi ubuka i-movie noma beza kuwe bezothola usizo ngesikhathi senhlekelele.

Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokwemvelo ngalezi ziphatha, kepha zingaholela ekudidekeni okuningi nasekuqhubekeni kwenhliziyo. Uma wena nowakwangaphambili nifuna ukugcina ubungani, kufanele niziphathise okwabangani.

Imihlahlandlela ‘yabangani nje’

Ukugcina ibanga kusho ukuthi ungenzi noma yini ongeke wayenza nomngani, njengokuthi:

• ukugonwa noma okunye ukuxhumana okusondele
• ukuchitha ubusuku ndawonye embhedeni owodwa
• ukuphathana ngokudla okubizayo
• ukuhlinzeka ukwesekwa okungaguquki ngokomzwelo noma kwezezimali

Ukumisa noma yikuphi ukuziphatha okwenza ucabange ukuthi, "Kubukeka sengathi asikaze sihlukane," kungenzeka kube okungcono kakhulu.

Xoxa ngokuthi uzokuphatha kanjani ukuhlangana

Kwesinye isikhathi, akukho nje ukugwema i-ex. Mhlawumbe nisebenza ndawonye, ​​niya emakilasini afanayo ekolishi, noma ninabo bonke abangane abafanayo. Kulezi zimo, kuhle ukuba nengxoxo yokuthi uzokwenzenjani lapho nakanjani nizobonana.

Hlela ukugcina izinto zihloniphekile, noma ngabe uhlukane kabi. Vele ukhumbule ukuthi awukwazi ukulawula ukuziphatha komunye umuntu. Uma bengakwazi ukuthobela isivumelwano futhi benze okuthile, zama ukuthatha umgwaqo ophakeme ngokungabandakanyi nabo.

Uma nisebenza ngokubambisana, yenzani konke okusemandleni ukugcina ubudlelwane bobuchwepheshe. Gcina ingxoxo ingeyomphakathi bese uzama ukugwema ukukhuluma nabantu osebenza nabo ngokwenzekile. Inhlebo isakazeka kalula, futhi ngisho namaqiniso ambalwa ayisisekelo angashintsha kabi asuke komunye aye komunye.

Awuqinisekile ukuthi uthini? Zama okuthile okufana nokuthi, "Sinqume ukuyeka ukubonana, kodwa sizibophezele ekugcineni ubudlelwane obuhle bokusebenza."

Ukuzinakekela

Uma usuyilungisile imingcele yakho, sekuyisikhathi sokunaka ubudlelwano bakho nawe.

Beka kuqala ukuzinakekela

UParker uncoma ukudala inqubo yokuzinakekela nsuku zonke.

Usuku ngalunye, yenza okuthile oku:

• ikulethela injabulo (bona abangani, ube nokuhlangenwe nakho okusha, chitha isikhathi kokuzilibazisa okuthandayo)
• ukukondla (ukuzivocavoca, ukuzindla, ukupheka ukudla okwanelisayo kepha okunempilo)
• ikusiza ukucubungula imizwa yakho (yenza ubuciko noma umculo, iphephabhuku, khuluma nomelaphi noma omunye umuntu osekelayo)

Zama ukulala ngokwanele, kodwa gwema ukulala ngokweqile. Lokhu kungaphazamisa imithwalo yakho yemfanelo futhi kukwenze uzizwe ukhululekile futhi ungaphathekile kahle.

Futhi-ke, kunjalo, kukhona ukudla kwenduduzo, ama-binges eNetflix, nebhodlela lewayini. Kuhle ukuzitika ngezikhathi ezithile ngenkathi ululama, kodwa unake izinto ukuze zingabi imikhuba ejwayelekile okunzima ukwephula umgwaqo. Cabanga ukonga lezi zinto ngezikhathi ezikhethekile nabangane noma uzinikeze ubusuku obubodwa ngeviki ukuze uzikhulule.

Yenza izinto ozijabulelayo

Ngemuva kokwehlukana, ungazithola unesikhathi samahhala esengeziwe kunendlela oyijwayele. Zama ukusebenzisa lesi sikhathi ngezindlela ezinhle.

Mhlawumbe ngesikhathi sobudlelwano uchithe isikhathi esincane ufunda futhi unenqwaba yezincwadi ezingafundiwe ezilinde eceleni kombhede wakho. Noma mhlawumbe ubulokhu ufuna ukuzama ingadi noma ukunitha. Ungaqala nokufunda ulimi olusha noma wenze izinhlelo zokuhamba wedwa.

Ukuthola izinto ongazenza (nokuzenza) kungakusiza ekuphazamiseni osizini lwangemva kokuhlukana.

Veza imizwa yakho…

Kuvamile ukuzwa imizwa eminingi ngemuva kokuhlukana, kufaka phakathi:

• intukuthelo
• ukudabuka
• usizi
• ukudideka
• isizungu

Kungasiza ukwazisa le mizwa. Kubhale phansi, ukufanekise, noma ukhulume nabathandekayo bakho. Amabhayisikobho, umculo, nezincwadi ezibandakanya abantu ababhekene nezimo ezifanayo zingabonisa ulwazi lwakho, ngakho-ke lokhu kungakududuza.

… Kepha gwema ukuzigaxa kuzo

Zama ukungabambeki emjikelezweni wemizwa engemihle, ngoba ngokuvamile akusizi ukukhanyisa imizwa yosizi nokulahlekelwa. Uma ungeke uyeke ukucabanga nge-ex yakho, zama "ukusetha kabusha" ngokuphuma endlini, ukuvakashela umngani, noma ukufaka umculo nokwenza ukuhlanza okujulile.

Thatha ikhefu emidlalweni edabukisayo noma yothando nezingoma zothando. Esikhundleni salokho, zama imibukiso yamahlaya noma eyakhayo, umculo okhuthazayo, namanoveli alula ngaphandle kwezothando. Lokhu kungakusiza ekuphazamiseni emizweni emibi.

Ezinye izindlela ezisheshayo zokusiza ukuthuthukisa isimo esidabukisayo:

• Vula amakhethini akho ukuze uthole ukukhanya kwemvelo.
• Thola ilanga.
• Nethezeka eshaweni noma ebhavini ngemikhiqizo oyithandayo.
• Shisa ikhandlela ngephunga elisha noma lewolintshi.

Xoxa indaba yakho

UParker usikisela ukubhala ukulandisa okufishane ngokuhlukana kwakho. Umusho owodwa noma emibili kulungile. Isibonelo, "Ngidinga isikhathi nendawo ukuxhumana kabusha nami nezidingo zami ngaphambi kokuba ngibe sebudlelwaneni nothile." Enye indlela kungaba, "Ukuhlukana nenqubo, futhi akukho okucacayo khona manjalo."

Gcina lokhu kwenye indawo kubonakale, njengesibuko sakho sokugezela noma ifriji, bese ugxila kulokho lapho uzizwa sengathi umkhumbula owedlule futhi ufuna ukufinyelela kuye, uthi.

Ukubhekana nabezindaba zenhlalo

Esinye isici esingalindelekile sokwehlukana: ezokuxhumana. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwazi ukuthi ungabeka kanjani imingcele maqondana nokubandakanyeka kwedijithali, kepha nazi ezinye izinto okufanele uzenze ngemuva kokuhlukana nalokho ongafanele ukwenze.

Gwema ukusebenzisa imithombo yezokuxhumana ngangokunokwenzeka

"Imithombo yezokuxhumana yakha indawo yokulandelwa nokugxilwa okungenampilo, kanye namathuba okuhlukumeza okungahambisani nolaka," kusho uParker.

Ukuthatha isikhathi kude nemithombo yezokuxhumana kungasiza ngemuva kokuhlukana. Lokhu kuqinisekisa ukuthi awugcini ukumunca imizwa yakho ngokuhlangana nezithombe zangaphambili noma izithombe zemibhangqwana ebonakala iphelele.

Uma usebenzisa imithombo yezokuxhumana ngemuva kokwehlukana kwakho, uParker uncoma ukuyisebenzisa kuphela ukuxhumana nokuthola ukusekelwa kubangani nomndeni. Isibonelo, ungahle ucabangele ukususa okwesikhashana uhlelo lokusebenza lwe-Facebook efonini yakho bese usebenzisa i-Messenger ukuxoxa.

Ungathumeli mayelana nokwehlukana

Awudingi ukwaba esidlangalaleni ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho sebuphelile, ngoba amathuba okuba, abantu abadinga ukwazi vele yenza yazi. "Imithombo yezokuxhumana akuyona indawo yokuveza imizwa yakho noma ukukhathazeka ngomuntu owayengumlingani wakho," kusho uParker.

Ungahle uthande ukwabelana ngeqiniso uma owakwakho wakudala ekuqambela amanga, ekukhohlisa, noma ekona ngenye indlela, kepha gcina ukukhathazeka kwakho ngemilayezo eyimfihlo nabantu obathembayo.

Ungashintshi isimo sakho sobudlelwano zisuka

Uma wena nowawushade naye nisebenzise isimo se- "In a Relationship" ku-Facebook, kungabonakala kunengqondo (futhi kuthembekile) ukushintsha isimo sakho sibe “Sodwa” uma ubuhlobo sebuphelile.

Inketho engcono ukufihla isimo kusuka kuphrofayela yakho (noma ukusethe ukuze ukwazi ukusibona kuphela). Isibonelo, uma uthatha ikhefu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ungakufihla uze ubuye. Abantu bangahle babe mancane amathuba okuthi babone ushintsho ngemuva kokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Uma bebona, ukwahlukana kwakho kuzoba yizindaba ezindala, ngakho-ke ngeke kubaluleke kangako. Ukulinda ukushintsha isimo sakho kuzonciphisa namathuba lowo owabe umlingani wakho ezwa ubuhlungu ngalolo shintsho.

Ungalandeli umlingani wakho wakudala

Awudingi ngempela ukuthi udinga ukungabi umngane we-ex uma:

• ubudlelwano baphela ngemibono emihle
• ufuna ukuhlala ungabangane
• unokunye ukuxhumana nabantu

Kepha izinhlelo zokusebenza zokuxhumana eziningi manje zikuvumela ukuthi uthulise noma ufihle abantu ngaphandle kokungabalandeli. Lokhu kukugcina ungaboni okuqukethwe abelana ngakho. Uma ungafuni ukubona owayengumlingani wakho kokuthunyelwe kwabanye abantu, kungasiza futhi ukulandela abantu abaxhumene nabo kakhulu, kufaka phakathi abangani abaseduze namalungu omndeni.

Ku-Facebook, ungasebenzisa izilungiselelo zobumfihlo ukubeka abantu ohlwini olunqatshelwe, okubavimbela ukuthi babone noma yini engabiwa esidlangalaleni. Lokhu kungasiza, kepha uma ubudlelwano bebunokuhlukumeza, kungcono ukubabekela ngokuphelele ukuze bangakwazi ukubuka noma yiluphi ulwazi noma izibuyekezo zakho.

Ungahloli ikhasi le-ex yakho

Ungazizwa ulingeka, ikakhulukazi uma uke wababona bezungeza idolobha nomuntu omusha. Mhlawumbe ufuna ukwazi ukuthi bazizwa besabeka njengawe, noma mhlawumbe ufuna leso sibuyekezo sesimo esingacacile nje yazi babefuna ukuthi ubone.

Kepha zibuze, "Ukuhlola ikhasi labo kuzofezani?" Mhlawumbe akukho lutho olunempilo, ngakho-ke kungcono ukumelana nesifiso.

Uma ngabe nihlala ndawonye

Ukuhlukana nomlingani ohlala naye kuletha izinselelo ezihlukile.

Vuselela isikhala sakho

Ngemuva kokuthi umlingani wakho aphume, indlu noma ifulethi lakho lingazizwa lihluke ngokuphelele. Isikhala sakho singazizwa sinesizungu. Kungase kungabe kusazizwa ngathi “kusekhaya”. Ungahle uthande ukupakisha futhi uthuthele endaweni ngaphandle kwezinkumbulo eziningi ezibuhlungu.

Uma ngabe wabelane ngendawo futhi owake wakubo wahamba, ikhaya lakho lingazizwa linesizungu noma ligcwele izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu. Vele, ukuthuthela endaweni entsha kungasiza, kepha lokho akwenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi ngokwezezimali. Esikhundleni salokho, gxila ekuqabuleni indawo okuyo.

Yenza 'i-mini remodel'

• hambisa ifenisha nxazonke
• thola amakhumbi amasha noma izitsha
• tshala imali kwezinye izinto zokulala ezintsha
• zama ukuqeda ifenisha eyodwa ongakwazi ukuyishintsha kalula
• lahla ingubo ohlale uyigaxa phansi bese uyifaka esikhundleni ngokufaka imibala ehlukene nemibala
• zama umbala ohlukile egumbini lakho lokuphumula noma ekamelweni lokulala.
• penda itafula lakho nezihlalo.
• shintsha omata, phonsa imicamelo, amakhushini nezingubo zokulala

Box up mementos

Kungasiza ukupakisha izikhumbuzo ezibalulekile zobudlelwano, kufaka phakathi izipho, izithombe, noma izinto enizithengile ndawonye. Awudingi ukulahla lezi zinto kude. Mane ubeke ibhokisi eceleni lapho ungeke ulibone ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngaphansi komgwaqo, ungabheka futhi futhi unqume ukuthi ufuna ukugcina ini.

Hlanganisa izimpahla zabo

Uma umlingani wakho eshiya izinto ngemuva, inketho enenhlonipho ukuzifaka ebhokisini kuze kudlule noma yisiphi isikhathi sokungathintwa. Ngemuva kwalokho, thumela umyalezo ohloniphekile ubazise ukuthi usenezimpahla zabo. Nikela nganoma yini abayishiye ngamabomu noma abathi abayifuni.

Uma unabangane abaningi abahlanganyele

Abangane bobabili mhlawumbe bazofuna ukwazi ukuthi kwenzekeni ngemuva kokwehlukana. Ngokuvamile kungcono ukugwema ukungena emininingwaneni. Bangathola izindaba ezimbili ezihluke kakhulu, futhi inhlebo ingaba yinkinga kwezinye izimo.

Uma abangani bezwe inguqulo engeyona iqiniso yalokho okwenzekile, ungahle uthande ukwabelana ngeqiniso. Zama ukugwema impendulo evusa imizwa futhi unikeze amaqiniso ngomoya ophansi, ngaphandle kokusho noma yini embi ngomlingani wakho wangaphambili.

Khumbula ukuthi abanye abangane bangathatha uhlangothi. Awukwazi ukukugwema lokhu noma ukuphoqa noma ngubani ukuthi alondoloze ubungani. Kodwa wena can gwema ukudlala inhlebo nomdlalo ngokulwa nesifiso sokusho izinto ezingezinhle nge-ex yakho.

Ekugcineni, ngokuvamile kungcono ukugwema ukucela abangane izindaba zomlingani wakho wangaphambili.

Uma usebudlelwaneni be-polyamorous

Lapho usebenza ngokuhlukana okuningana, kubalulekile ukuthi ubheke ukuthi ukuhlukana nomlingani oyedwa kungabuthinta kanjani obunye ubudlelwano bakho.

Phumela obala ngemizwa yakho

Ukulandela ukuhlukana nomlingani oyedwa, ungazithola usondela, ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, kwabanye ozakwenu.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungahle uzizwe:

• emanqikanqika ngokusondelana ngokomzimba
• abasengozini
• awunantshisekelo emisebenzini yakho ejwayelekile

Imizwa nemizwa yakho konke kuvumelekile, futhi ozakwethu abanesihawu bazoqonda ukuthi ubhekene nesimo esinzima. Cishe bazofuna ukunikela ukwesekwa noma kanjani. Vele ukhumbule ukuthi bangahle bahlangabezane nokuwa okungokomzwelo ekuhlukaneni kwakho, nabo.

Zigcine unolwazi mayelana nokuthi uzizwa kanjani bese uzama ukuxhumana ngalokho ngamunye akudingayo komunye nomunye phakathi nalolu shintsho.

Khuluma ngezinyathelo ezilandelayo

Njengoba ujwayela ukuba nomlingani oyedwa, ungahle uthande ukukhuluma nabalingani bakho bamanje mayelana:

• izindlela ubuhlobo bakho obungashintsha ngazo okwesikhashana (ngokwesibonelo, ungaba nentshisekelo encane ekusondeleni ngokomzimba okwamanje)
• noma imiphi imingcele emisha ofuna ukuyibekela ubudlelwano bakho
• ukuthi ungazisingatha kanjani izimo lapho ungabona khona umlingani wakho wangaphambili

Thatha umgwaqo ophakeme

Nakulokhu futhi, gwema ukukhuluma kabi ngomuntu owawushade naye. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma omunye wabalingani bakho esenobudlelwano nowawushade naye.

Okuhlukile? Uma owake wakudala wayekuhlukumeza noma ekubeka engozini, kungaba ukuhlakanipha ukwazisa abanye ophathina bakho.

Kulungile ukucela usizo

Ukuhlukana kuvame ukuba nzima. Abangane nomndeni bangakunikeza ukusekelwa futhi bakusize uzizwe ungaphansi wedwa, kepha kwesinye isikhathi akwanele.

Cabanga ukufinyelela kumelaphi, ongakusiza:

• khomba izindlela zokubhekana nezempilo ezingenampilo bese uzifaka ngezinhle ngokwengeziwe
• ikheli kanye nenselele imizwa emibi ephikelelayo
• ukubhekana nemiphumela yokuxhaphaza noma yokuhlukumeza
• sebenzela uhlelo lwekusasa

Uma uzibuza ukuthi ngabe ukuhlukana kuyisizathu esizwakalayo sokuthola usizo, kunjalo. Eqinisweni, abelaphi abaningi bagxile ekusizeni abantu ukuthi basebenze ngokudabuka kosizi.

Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthola usizo uma:

• ngizizwe ngicindezelekile
• ube nemicabango yokuzilimaza wena noma abanye
• qhubeka uzama ukuxhumana nowakudala noma ucabange ngokuxhumana nabo njalo

Ukululama ekuhlukaneni kuthatha isikhathi - mhlawumbe ngaphezulu kwalokho ongathanda. Kepha zama ukukhumbula ukuthi izinto zizoba lula njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka. Okwamanje, yiba mnene nawe futhi unganqikazi ukufinyelela uma udinga ukwesekwa.