Isikhathi Sokukhuluma Ngokunciphisa Isisindo Ngenkathi Uthandana

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UTheodora Blanchfield, 31, ongumphathi wenkundla yezokuxhumana waseManhattan uyaziqhenya ngokuthi eminyakeni emihlanu edlule, wehla ngamaphawundi angama-50. Eqinisweni, kunguhambo abelane ngalo esidlangalaleni kubhulogi lakhe Losing Weight in the City. Kodwa-ke kunabantu abathile anqaba ukubachithela: izinsuku zakhe zothando.

"Kuphikisana nayo yonke into engikholelwa kuyo, kepha iqiniso lokuthi bengikade ngisinda lingenza ngizizwe ngisengozini futhi ngibe namahloni," kusho uBlanchfield. "Ngikhathazekile bazocabanga ukuthi ngizophinde ngiyithole. Noma ukuthi ngihlale nginciphisa umzimba futhi ngeke ngibe mnandi-sengathi konke engikwenzayo ukudla amasaladi nokujima." (Jabulela izinsuku, amahora wokujabula, futhi okwengeziwe ngalawa Amathiphu Okunciphisa Isisindo Omsebenzi Wayo Yonke Impelaviki.) Ngeshwa, lokho kwesaba kwaqinisekiswa ku-Blanchfield ngedethi yokuqala yakamuva. Owayazana naye wamemeza ngale kwebha, "Ngiyayithanda ibhulogi yakho!" okwenza usuku lwakhe lubuze uBlanchfield ukuthi ibhulogi leyo imayelana nani. Wamtshela-futhi akaphindanga wezwa ngaye.

UBlanchfield ngeke azi ukuthi kungani usuku lwakhe lwanyamalala, kodwa ochwepheshe bayavuma ukuthi kuwukuhlakanipha ukulinda uze ube nezinsuku ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokwabelana ngolwazi lomuntu siqu njengokuncipha kwesisindo. "Uma okunye okuvelayo osukwini lwakho kuwulwazi lokuthi usanda kwehlisa isisindo esiningi, uzokubona lokhu njengesinye sezici zakho ezibalulekile," kuchaza uMimi Tanner, umbhali wencwadi. I-Reverse Ultimatum: Thola Ukuzibophezela Ngaphandle Kokungqubuzana. Ngakho kanjani kahle yenza uxoxela okwedlule?

Yimise Emlayezo Wokunika Amandla-Hhayi Amahloni

"Esikhundleni sokuthi" ngangikhuluphele, "zama ukuthi," Ngaqala ukuqeqeshelwa imarathon onyakeni owedlule, futhi ngehlisa isisindo esikhulu. Kwakukuhle, "kusho uSara Eckel, umbhali we Akuwena: Izizathu ezingu-27 (ezingalungile) zokuthi Ungashadi. "Abantu abaningi bafuna ukufunda ukuthi ukwenze kanjani. Ulawule into ethile empilweni yakho." Sebenza ngesihloko engxoxweni ngokunganaki kunokuba ulahle ibhomu. (Ngemuva kwakho konke, umane wabelana ukuthi ubuwusayizi ohlukile-hhayi ukuthi uphuce indlu kamakhelwane wakho.) UBlanchfield-osanda kushintsha igama lebhulogi yakhe waba yi-The Preppy Runner-usebenzise le ndlela entsha. "Nginciphisa ngenhloso ukuncipha futhi ngigcizelele ukuqina," usho kanje.

Ukugcina Isikhathi Kubalulekile

Kuyilingo ukufuna ukubonisa ngezimfanelo ezikusizile ukufeza inhloso enhle kangaka. Ubani ongeke afune ukuthandana nomuntu onomlando obonisiwe wesibindi, ukuzinikela, nokuzithiba? Uma kufanele uze nenombolo, usuku lwesihlanu yisikhathi esihle kakhulu sokwembula okukhulu, kusho uTanner. "Bazobe sebekwazi ngaleso sikhathi futhi bazokwazi ukufaka lolu lwazi olusha ngaphandle kokulimaza ukubonakala kwabo kwethenda okokuqala," esho. (Ukuze uthole izeluleko ezengeziwe zesikhathi, funda Isikhathi Esifanele Sokukhuluma Ngayo Yonke Into Ebudlelwaneni.)

Mhlawumbe inkomba engcono yesikhathi esifanele sokusho, noma kunjalo, yilapho wena ukuzwa ngomumo. "Awuphoqelekile ukuthi utshele wonke umuntu indaba yakho yempilo yonke ngaphandle kwelulwane," kugcizelela u-Eckel. "Kungcono ukuqhamuka endaweni yokuzihlonipha. Esikhundleni sokucabanga, 'Uzongihlulela?' cabanga, 'Ingabe ngizizwa ngikhululekile ukunikeza lo muntu lolu lwazi?' Uzinika amandla. "

U-Ilyssa Israel, 39, ongumsizi omkhulu waseSpringfield, NJ, uzizwe ekhululekile nendoda eyodwa waze wamtshela ngosuku lwesibili ukuthi wehlise cishe amakhilogremu ayikhulu ngemuva kokuhlinzwa esiswini-futhi wathola ukuhlinzwa okwengeziwe ukukhipha isikhumba esiningi . Impendulo yakhe: "Kuhle! Kuhle kuwe!" Ngemuva kwalokho wavuma eyakhe imizabalazo yesisindo nomzimba. "Ngicabanga ukuthi ukumtshela kusenesikhathi kusisondeze," kusho u-Israel. "Besingatshelana izimfihlo zethu ezimnyama kakhulu futhi samukele ngokuphelele." Bashada ngemva kweminyaka emibili.

Lawula Izilawuli

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhuluma ngobuqili kangakanani okwedlule, awukwazi ukulawula ukuthi abanye bakuzwa kanjani. Zilungiselele ukuthi ezinye zingashoni noma zikha phezulu, kungeza u-Eckel. Kepha yazi ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi, abantu bayakumangaza. UBlanchfield wathinteka lapho omunye umfana ayethandana naye emtshela ukuthi umkhuthazile futhi kamuva, wehla ngesisindo esikhulu. "Kwangijabulisa ukwazi ukuthi ukushintsha impilo yami nokukubeka ngaphandle kwaba nomthelela omuhle komunye umuntu," esho. (Engeza lokho Ezimpawu Eziyisi-6 Ezingabonakali Kanjalo Ungumgcini.)

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