Lapho owesifazane osemusha enomdlavuza

-Delile

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USHAPE ubika ngokudabuka ukuthi umbhali uKelly Golat, 24, wabulawa ngumdlavuza ngoNovemba 20, 2002. Abaningi benu basitshela ukuthi niyikhuthaze kanjani indaba kaKelly, "When a Woman Woman Has Cancer (Time Out, August), ekhonjisiwe ngezansi.UKelly uzwakalise ukuthi ukutholakala ne-melanoma eyingozi kumnikeze ukwazisa okusha ngesikhathi esichitha nomndeni nabangane.UKelly washiya abazali bakhe nezingane zakubo ezine, abasanda kuthola ezinye zezincwadi zakhe ezingakashicilelwa.Umoya kaKelly ongakhathali ukhanya ngamazwi akhe. : Nsuku zonke ngithandazela isimangaliso sempilo... Bese ngiqaphela ukuthi ngiyaphila manje." Siyazwelana nomndeni wakhe.

Ngineminyaka engu-24 ubudala. Ngo-May 18, 2001, udokotela wami wangitshela ukuthi nginomdlavuza. I-melanoma ebulalayo. I-X-ray yabonisa isimila esilingana newolintshi sihlezi ngaphezu kwamaphaphu ami. Ukuhlolwa okwengeziwe kwabonisa izimila ezimbalwa ezincane esibindini sami. Into exakayo ukuthi ngangingenazo izilonda zesikhumba.

Kungani ngithole lokhu? Babengazi. Ngiyithole kanjani? Abakwazanga ukungitshela. Ngemuva kwayo yonke imibuzo nokuhlolwa, ukuphela kwempendulo odokotela abebeyinikeza bekungukuthi, "Kelly, uyicala elixakile."

Okuxakayo. Igama elilodwa elibonakala lifingqa isimo sami kulo nyaka odlule.

Ngaphambi kokuzwa lezi zindaba zomdlavuza, ngangiphila impilo ejwayelekile yentombazane enento engu-20. Ngaphuma unyaka ekolishi, ngisebenza njengomsizi wokuhlela enkampanini yabashicileli eNew York City. Nganginesoka neqembu labangane elesabekayo.

Konke bekuhlelekile ngaphandle kwento eyodwa - futhi kufanelekile ukusho ukuthi bengikhathazekile: Ngangidliwe ngokuphelele ngiphelelisa isisindo sami, ubuso bami nezinwele zami. Njalo ekuseni ngo-5 ekuseni, ngangigijima amamayela amathathu nohhafu ngaphambi kokuya emsebenzini. Ngemva komsebenzi, ngangigijima ngiye ejimini ukuze ngingafiki sekwephuzile ekilasini le-step-aerobics. Nganginentshiseko ngalokho engangikudla nami: Ngangigwema ushukela, uwoyela futhi, izulu liyanginqabela, amafutha.

Isibuko sasiyisitha sami esikhulu. Kuwo wonke umhlangano ngathola amaphutha engeziwe. Ngathatha enye yemali yami yokuqala yokuhola, ngangena e-Bloomingdale futhi ngathenga izimonyo ezingabiza u-$200, ngethemba lokuthi izimpushana ezintsha nokhilimu ngandlela thize kuzowasula amaphutha engazalwa nawo. Ukucindezeleka kwavela futhi nokukhathazeka ngezinwele zami ezincanyana, ezinsundu. Iseluleko esisizayo esivela kumngani sangiholela emnyango wendoda yezinwele ebiza kakhulu eGreenwich Village. Ithiphu yakhe yabiza ngaphezu komholo wami wamasonto onke kodwa, ubuhle bami, lawo maphuzu avelele (owawungeke uwabone) asebenza ngomlingo!

Lokhu kukhathazeka ngendlela engibukeka ngayo kwacima ngokushesha ngemuva kokufunda ukuthi nginomdlavuza. Izinto empilweni yami zashintsha kakhulu. Kwakufanele ngiyeke ukusebenza. Ukwelashwa ngamakhemikhali kwahewula umzimba wami futhi izikhathi eziningi kwangishiya ngintekenteke kakhulu ukuba ngikwazi ukukhuluma. Odokotela banqabela noma yiluphi uhlobo lokujima olukhandlayo -- ihlaya elihlekisayo uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi ngangingakwazi ukuhamba. Izidakamizwa zaqeda isifiso sami sokudla. Ukuphela kokudla engangikwazi ukukugulisa kwakungamaswishi woshizi namapentshisi. Ngenxa yalokho, ngalahlekelwa isisindo kakhulu. Futhi sasingekho isidingo sokukhathazeka ngezinwele zami futhi: Iningi lazo lase liwile.

Sekungunyaka kusukela ngaqala ukuzwa lezi zindaba, futhi ngiyaqhubeka nokulwa ukuze ngibuyele empilweni. Umbono wami wokuthi yini "ebalulekile" ushintshiwe unomphela. Umdlavuza ungicindezele ekhoneni lapho izimpendulo ziza ngokushesha futhi zilula: Yini ebaluleke kakhulu empilweni yami? Isikhathi esichithwa nomndeni nabangane. Wenza ini? Ukugubha izinsuku zokuzalwa, amaholide, impilo. Ukwazisa yonke ingxoxo eyodwa, ikhadi likaKhisimusi, ukwangana.

Izinkathazo ngamafutha omzimba, ubuso obuhle nezinwele eziphelele -- zihambile. Angisenandaba. Kuyinqaba kanjani.

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