U-Alison Désir Ngokulindelwe Ukukhulelwa kanye Nomama Omusha Vs. Iqiniso

-Delile

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Lapho u-Alison Désir—umsunguli weHarlem Run, umelaphi, nomama omusha—ekhulelwe, wacabanga ukuthi uzoba isithombe somsubathi olindelwe ombona kwabezindaba. Wayegijima neqhubu lakhe, ahambe izinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye ejabule ngengane yakhe esendleleni, futhi ehambisana nempilo yakhe (wayesanda kuphuma ezithendeni zomjaho waseNew York City Marathon).

Kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho egijima phakathi nokukhulelwa kwakhe, u-Désir wayebona ukopha esithweni sangasese sowesifazane futhi waze wangeniswa ku-ER izikhathi ezimbalwa ngenxa yalokhu ekuqaleni kokukhulelwa kwakhe. "Okuhlangenwe nakho kwawuphazamisa lo mqondo wokuthi ngingaba ngumama ofanele noma lo msubathi okhulelwe ombona yonke indawo," esho.

Ezinye izinselelo zisheshe zavela nazo: Wagcina ebeletha kusenesikhathi (emasontweni angama-36 ekhulelwe) nge-C-section ephuthumayo ekupheleni kukaJulayi ngoba indodana yakhe yayisesimweni sokushaywa umoya futhi ene-preeclampsia. Futhi ngoba uchithe izinsuku ezimbalwa egunjini labantwana ababelethwayo laseNonatal (NICU), akazange azithole lezo zikhathi zokuhlangana ngokushesha noma isikhumba nesikhumba nengane yakhe esanda kuzalwa — futhi wazizwa ephucwa ithuba lokuxhumana naye.

“Nganginalokhu engikulindele ekhanda lami ukuthi, njengoba wonke umuntu esho, ukukhulelwa kuzoba isikhathi esihle kunazo zonke ekuphileni kwakho,” usho kanje. Esikhundleni salokho, uthi wayezizwa elahlekile, edidekile, engenakuzisiza, futhi ethukile — futhi sengathi nguye kuphela owayezizwa ngale ndlela.

Ngenkathi imizwa ephikisanayo yokubeletha iqhubeka, uDésir wazithola enecala lokuthi wayengathandi kangakanani ukukhulelwa kwakhe kepha wayemthanda kangakanani indodana yakhe. Imizwa yokukhathazeka igcwele phezulu. Khona-ke, ngolunye usuku, waphuma endlini, futhi wazibuza: Ingabe ingane yakhe ingaba ngcono uma ingabuyi? (Nazi Izimpawu Ezicashile Zokucindezeleka Kwangemva Kokubeletha Akufanele Uziba.)

Kwakuyisikhathi sokuphuka — futhi kwamholela ekubeni akhulume ngosizo yena, noma njengomelaphi, aludingayo. “Kuningi okungaqondakali okushodayo uma sikhuluma ngesipiliyoni sokukhulelwa,” usho kanje. Ngenkathi abanye abantu benokukhulelwa okuqondile, okulula, leyo akuyona indaba yabo bonke abantu.

Yini ebonakala ivame kakhulu? "Kwesinye isikhathi uzoyithanda, kwesinye isikhathi uzoyizonda, uphuthelwe ukuthi wawungubani, kube nokungabaza nokungazethembi," kusho yena. "Abekho abantu abenele laphaya abakhuluma izindaba eziningi ngokuthi kunjani ngempela. Kudingeka sikwenze kwaziwe ukuthi ukukhathazeka nokudangala kuyinto ejwayelekile nokuthi kunezindlela ongabhekana nazo futhi uzizwe ungcono. Ngaphandle kwalokho, uzizwa kabi nje futhi ucabanga ukuthi uwena wedwa ozizwa ngale ndlela futhi uhamba endleleni emnyama." (Okuhlobene: Okufanele Ukwazi Ngokusekela Impilo Yakho Yengqondo Ngesikhathi Ukhulelwe Nangemva Kokubeletha.)

Selokhu aba nendodana yakhe, u-Désir useyakhuluma ngalokho okwenzeka kuye. NgoMeyi, wethula nohambo olubizwa nge-Meaning Through Movement, ukukhuthaza ukuqina nempilo yengqondo ngemicimbi ezweni lonke.

Lapha, lokho afuna wonke umuntu akwazi mayelana nokuthi yini ebangela isihlungi sokukhulelwa kanye nangemuva kokubeletha—kuhlanganise nendlela yokuthola usizo oludingayo.

Thola abahlinzeki bezempilo obadingayo.

"Ukuya kudokotela, bavele bakunikeze imininingwane eyisisekelo," kusho uDésir. "Bakutshela izibalo zakho bese becela ukuthi ubuye ngesonto elilandelayo." Uthole ukuxhaswa okwengeziwe ngokomzwelo nge-doula emsizile ukuthi aqonde ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi ambheke kukho konke ukukhulelwa kwakhe. UDesir uphinde wasebenza nomelaphi womzimba womsebenzi we-pelvic floor. "Ngaphandle komelaphi womzimba, bengingeke ngazi ngezindlela ongalungisa ngazo umzimba wakho ukuze ukwazi ukubhekana nakho," kusho yena. (Kuhlobene: Izivivinyo Ezi-5 Eziphezulu Ekufanele Azenze Wonke Umama Ozoba Nguye)

Nakuba lezi zinsizakalo zingafika ngezindleko ezengeziwe, buza inkampani yakho yomshuwalense wezempilo ukuthi yini engase ikhavwe. Amanye amadolobha, okuhlanganisa neDolobha laseNew York, andisa ukunikezwa kokunakekelwa kwezempilo ukuze avumele wonke umzali oqala ngqá ukuba afanelekele ukuthola ukuvakashelwa kwasekhaya okufika kwabayisithupha okuvela kuchwepheshe wezokunakekelwa kwempilo njenge-doula.

Cela usizo.

UDésir uqhathanisa imizwelo yakhe yangemva kokubeletha nesivunguvungu—wazizwa engalawuleki, ethukile, ekhathazekile futhi ekhungathekile. Ubuye azishaye ngakho, ngoba naye uqobo ungumelaphi. "Angikwazanga ukubeka umunwe wami kuyo bese ngihlehla futhi ngibe nohlangothi lwami lokuhlaziya, 'oh, nakhu okwenzekayo njengamanje'.’

Kungaba nzima ukucela usizo lapho usujwayele ukuba nguwe onikeza usizo, kodwa ukuba ngumama kudinga uhlelo lokusekela. Ku-Désir, unina nomyeni wakhe babekhona ukuze baxoxe naye ngalokho ayebhekene nakho. “Umyeni wami ubelokhu enginxusa ukuthi ngihlanganise izinsiza ukuze ngifinyelele komunye umuntu,” usho kanje. "Ukuba nomuntu othile empilweni yakho ongaba yilokho endlebeni yakho kuyisihluthulelo." UDésir uthole ukuthi, kuye, ukukhulisa isilinganiso semithi yakhe kusize ngendlela emangalisayo njengoba kuhlangana nodokotela wezifo zengqondo kanye ngenyanga.

Hhayi umama wena? Buza abangani bakho abasanda kuba nezingane ukuthi bakwenza kanjani ngempela -ikakhulukazi abangani bakho 'abaqinile'. "Uma abantu abaseduze kwakho bengazi ukuthi kwenzekani, khona-ke kungaba yinto esabekayo," kusho uDésir. (Okuhlobene: Abesifazane abangu-9 Ngokungasho Ukuthi Kumngane Obhekene Nokucindezeleka)

Zifundise.

Kunezincwadi eziningi zezingane laphaya kepha uDésir uthi uthole ukukhululeka okukhulu ngokufunda izincwadi ezimbalwa mayelana nokuhlangenwe nakho komama. Ababili abazithandayo? Omama Abalungileyo Banemicabango Ethusayo: Umhlahlandlela Wokuphulukisa Ukwesaba Okuyimfihlo Komama Abasha futhi Ukulahla Ingane Neminye Imicabango Eyethusayo: Ukuphula Umjikelezo Wemicabango Engadingeki Kubumama nguKaren Kleiman, uLCSW, umsunguli weSikhungo Sokucindezeleka Sokubeletha. Bobabili baxoxa 'ngemicabango esabekayo' ejwayelekile engenzeka ngokuba ngumama omusha — nezindlela zokukunqoba.

Hlanza izifunzo zakho zenhlalo.

Imithombo yezokuxhumana ingaba yinkohliso uma kukhulunywa ngokukhulelwa nokuba ngumama omusha, kepha uDesir uthi ngokulandela ama-akhawunti athile (eyodwa ayithandayo yi- @momdocpsychology) ungathola ukuvezwa kwangempela, nokwethembeka kokukhulelwa nokuba ngumama omusha. Zama ukuvula izaziso zokuphakelwa okuthile uphinde uhlole nje ukuthola imininingwane ebuyekeziwe esikhundleni sokuskrola ungapheli. (Okuhlobene: Indlela Izinsiza Zokuxhumana Zabantu Abasaziwayo Ezithinta Ngayo Impilo Yengqondo Yakho Nesithombe Sakho)

Drop 'kufanele' kusuka ku-vocab yakho.

Kuyacindezela, kusho u-Désir. Kukukhiya kule mibono elinganiselwe yokuthi ubumama bususelwa kulokho okubonile. Kepha kuyena? Ubumama 'yilokho obuyikho.' “Anginayo enye indlela enhle yokuyibeka ngaphandle kwami, ukukhulelwa kwami ​​nokuba ngumama kuyinto yosuku nosuku,” kusho uDésir. "Lokho akusho ukuthi awulondolozeli imali yekusasa noma ucabanga ukuthi unethemba lokuthi kubukeka kanjani, kodwa ngempela usuku nosuku. Ukuba ngumama akufanele kubukeke noma kuzwakale ngenye indlela."

Uma ucabanga ukuthi unenkinga yemizwa lapho ubelethwayo kanye nenkinga yokukhathazeka, funa usizo kudokotela wakho noma usebenzise izinsiza ze-Postpartum Support International engenzi nzuzo njengocingo losizo lwamahhala, ukufinyelela kochwepheshe bendawo, nemihlangano ye-inthanethi yamasonto onke.

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