Ungayibeka Kanjani futhi Uphendule Kuma-Blackmail Angokomzwelo

-Delile

• Iyini incazelo?
• Isebenza kanjani
• 1. Isidingo
• 2. Ukumelana
• 3. Ingcindezi
• 4. Izinsongo
• 5. Ukuhambisana
• 6. Ukuphindaphinda
• Izibonelo ezivamile
• Abajezisi
• Abazishaya isijeziso
• Abahluphekayo
• Ama-Tantalizers
• Ungayiphendula kanjani
• Okokuqala, qaphela ukuthi yini okungeyona inhlamba engokomzwelo
• Hlala uzolile futhi ungapheli
• Qala ingxoxo
• Thola izimbangela zakho
• Babhalise ekuvumelaneni
• Uma udinga usizo manje
• Kuthiwani uma bezisongela ngokuzilimaza?
• Okubalulekile

Iyini incazelo?

Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kuchaza isitayela sokukhohlisa lapho othile esebenzisa imizwa yakho njengendlela yokulawula ukuziphatha kwakho noma ukukuncenga ukuba ubone izinto ngendlela yabo.

UDkt.Susan Forward, owelapha, umbhali, futhi ongumfundisi, uphayone leli gama encwadini yakhe yango-1997 ethi, “Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.” Ngokusetshenziswa kwezifundo zamacala, wephula umqondo wokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo ukusiza abantu baqonde kangcono futhi banqobe lolu hlobo lokukhohlisa.

Ngaphandle kwencwadi ka-Forward, ayikho ithani lemininingwane eqondile mayelana nokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo nokuthi kusho ukuthini, ngakho-ke sifinyelele ku-Erika Myers, umelaphi eBend, e-Oregon.

Uchaza ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo njengokukhohlisa futhi okukhohlisayo. Uyachaza: “Kungabonakala njengokuncisha uthando, ukudumazeka, noma ukushintsha kancane kokukhuluma komzimba.

Isebenza kanjani

Njengokukhohliswa okujwayelekile, ubugebengu obungokomzwelo buhilela umuntu ozama ukuthola abakufunayo kuwe. Kepha esikhundleni sokugcina izimfihlo kuwe, bakukhohlisa ngemizwa yakho.

Ngokuya Phambili, ukuhlukumeza okungokomzwelo kuqhubeka ngezigaba eziyisithupha ezithile:

1. Isidingo

Isigaba sokuqala sokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo sihilela ukufunwa.

Umuntu angakusho ngokusobala lokhu: "Angicabangi ukuthi kufanele uhlanganyele nesibanibani futhi."

Bangase futhi bakwenze okucashile. Uma ubona lowo mngani, bayakhophozela bakhulume ngokubhuqa (noma cha). Uma ubuza ukuthi yini okungahambi kahle, bathi, “Angithandi ukuthi bakubheka kanjani. Angicabangi ukuthi zikulungele. ”

Impela, balala ngesidingo sabo ngokunakekela wena. Kodwa kusengumzamo wokulawula ukukhetha umngane wakho.

2. Ukumelana

Uma ungafuni ukwenza abakufunayo, mhlawumbe bazobuyela emuva.

Ungase uthi ngqo, "Awunomshuwalense, ngakho angikhululekile ukukuvumela ukuba ushayele imoto yami."

Kepha uma ukhathazeka ukuthi bazokwenqaba kanjani, ungahle umelane ngobuqili ngokuthi:

• "Ukukhohlwa" ukufaka uphethiloli emotweni
• unganaki ukushiya okhiye bakho
• bengasho lutho futhi benethemba lokuthi bayakhohlwa

3. Ingcindezi

Abantu basasho izidingo nezifiso ebudlelwaneni obunempilo. Kubudlelwano obujwayelekile, uma nje uzwakalise ukungavumelani, omunye umuntu ngokuvamile uphendula ngokushiya inkinga noma enze umzamo wokuthola isisombululo ndawonye.

I-blackmailer izokucindezela ukuthi uhlangabezane nesidingo sabo, mhlawumbe ngezindlela ezahlukahlukene ezahlukahlukene, kufaka phakathi:

• ukuphinda ukufunwa kwabo ngendlela ebenza babukeke kahle (isb., "Ngicabanga kuphela ikusasa lethu")
• ukufakwa kuhlu kwezindlela ukumelana kwakho kubathinta kabi
• usho izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Uma ubungithanda ngempela, ubuyokwenza"
• ukugxeka noma ukwehlisa isithunzi

4. Izinsongo

Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kungabandakanya izinsongo eziqondile noma ezingekho ngqo:

• Usongo oluqondile. "Uma uphuma nabangani bakho kusihlwa, ngeke ngibe khona lapho ubuya."
• Usongo olungaqondile. "Uma ungakwazi ukuhlala nami namhlanje ebusuku lapho ngikudinga, mhlawumbe omunye umuntu uzohlala."

Bangase futhi bafihle usongo njengesithembiso esihle: “Uma uhlala ekhaya kusihlwa, sizoba nesikhathi esingcono kakhulu kunaleso obuyophuma ngaso. Lokhu kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni bethu. ”

Yize lokhu kungabonakali njengokuwusongo okuningi, basazama ukukukhohlisa. Yize bengasho ngokusobala imiphumela yokwenqaba kwakho, bona yenza Kusho ukuthi ukumelana okuqhubekayo ngeke kubusize ubudlelwano bakho.

5. Ukuhambisana

Vele awufuni ukuthi benze okuhle ngokusongelwa kwabo, ngakho-ke uyadela bese uyanikezela. Ungase uzibuze ukuthi ngabe "isicelo" sabo sikwenze kwafanela yini ukuthi umelane nakho.

Ukuhambisana kungaba inqubo yokugcina, njengoba ikukhathaza ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ingcindezi nezinsongo. Uma usuvumile, isiphithiphithi sithatha indawo yokuthula. Banakho abakufunayo, ngakho-ke bangabonakala benomusa futhi benothando - okungenani okwamanje.

6. Ukuphindaphinda

Uma ukhombisa omunye umuntu ozovuma ekugcineni, bazi kahle ukuthi bangazidlala kanjani izimo ezifanayo ngokuzayo.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, inqubo yokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo ikufundisa ukuthi kulula ukuthobela kunokubhekana nengcindezi eqhubekayo nezinsongo. Ungahle wamukele ukuthi uthando lwabo lunemibandela nokuthile abazokugodla kuze kube uyavumelana nabo.

Bangaze bafunde nokuthi uhlobo oluthile losongo luzokwenza umsebenzi wenziwe ngokushesha. Ngenxa yalokhu, leli phethini lizoqhubeka.

Izibonelo ezivamile

Ngenkathi ama-blackmailers angokomzwelo evame ukusebenzisa inhlanganisela yamaqhinga, Phambili uphakamisa ukuthi izindlela zabo zokuziphatha zivame ukuhambisana nenye yezitayela ezine eziyinhloko:

Abajezisi

Umuntu osebenzisa amaqhinga okujezisa uzosho akufunayo bese ekutshela ukuthi kuzokwenzekani uma ungathobeli.

Lokhu kuvame ukusho izinsongo eziqondile, kepha abajezisi basebenzisa ubudlova, intukuthelo, noma ukuphathwa buthule ukuze basebenzise.

Nasi isibonelo esisodwa okufanele usicabangele:

Uzakwenu uyeza futhi akuqabule lapho ungena.

“Ngithengise kakhulu namhlanje! Ake sigubhe. Idina, ukudansa, ezothando… ”basho ngokuciphiza iso.

“Halala!” usho. “Kodwa sengikhathele. Bengihlela ukugeza isikhathi eside ngiphumule. Kuthiwani kusasa? ”

Isimo sabo sishintsha ngokushesha. Bakhahlela phansi ihholo, bashaya izicabha njengoba behamba. Uma ulandela futhi uzama ukukhuluma nabo, bayenqaba ukuphendula.

Abazishaya isijeziso

Lolu hlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo lubandakanya nezinsongo. Esikhundleni sokukusongela, noma kunjalo, abazishayayo bachaza ukuthi ukumelana kwakho kuzolimaza kanjani bona:

• "Uma ungeke ungiboleke imali, ngizolahlekelwa yimoto yami kusasa."
• “Uma ungasivumeli sihlale nawe, sizohlala singenamakhaya. Cabanga ngabashana bakho! Kwazi bani ukuthi kuzokwenzekani kubo? Ngabe uyafuna ukuphila nalokho? ”

Abantu abasebenzisa amaqhinga wokuzijezisa bangahle bajikeleze isimo ukuze kubonakale sengathi ubunzima babo yiphutha lakho ukuze uzizwe uthambekele ekubhekeleni umthwalo wemfanelo futhi ubasize.

Abahluphekayo

Umuntu ogulayo uvamise ukuveza imizwa yakhe ngaphandle kwamagama.

Uma bekholelwa ukuthi ubaphathe kabi noma bafuna ubenzele okuthile, ngeke basho lutho futhi bakhombise ukungajabuli kwabo ngezinkulumo ze:

• ukudabuka noma ukudangala, kufaka phakathi ukuhwaqabala, ukububula, izinyembezi, noma ukukhwabanisa
• ubuhlungu noma ukungaphatheki kahle

Lokho kusho, bangahle bakunikeze ne-rundown ephelele yakho konke okufaka isandla osizini lwabo.

Ngokwesibonelo:

Ngesonto eledlule, utshele umngani wakho ukuthi ufuna ukuthola ozohlala naye egumbini lakho lokulala elingenalutho nokugeza okunamathiselwe. Umngani wakho uthe, "Kungani ungangivumeli ngihlale lapho mahhala?" Uyihlekisile le nkulumo, ucabanga ukuthi ihlaya.

Namuhla, bakubizile, bekhala.

“Angijabule neze. Ngishesha ukuphuma embhedeni, ”kusho yena. “Okokuqala lokho kwehlukana okubi, manje engisebenza nabo abadabukisayo - kodwa angikwazi ukuyeka, anginayo imali engiyongile. Ngidinga nje into enhle ukuthi yenzeke. Angikwazi ukubhekana nalokhu. Ukube nje benginendawo yokuhlala isikhashana, lapho bengingeke ngikhokhe khona irenti, ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi ngizozizwa ngingcono kakhulu. ”

Ama-Tantalizers

Ezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo zibonakala zifana nokuthinta komusa.

I-tantalizer inemivuzo ekhanda lakho ukuze ithole okuthile kuwe, inikeze ukuncoma nokukhuthaza. Kodwa njalo uma udlula isithiyo esisodwa, kukhona okunye okulindile. Awukwazi ukuqhubeka.

"Umsebenzi wakho muhle kakhulu," kusho umphathi wakho ngelinye ilanga. "Unamakhono nje engiwadingayo kumphathi wehhovisi." Bakukwazisa buthule ukuthi isikhundla sizovulwa kungekudala. “Ngingathembela kuwe kuze kube yileso sikhathi?”

Uyajabula, uyavuma. Umphathi wakho uyaqhubeka nokukubuza okuningi, futhi uhlala isikhathi sekwephuzile, weqe isidlo sasemini, uze ungene nangezimpelasonto ukwenza konke. Imenenja yehhovisi iyayeka ukusebenza, kodwa umphathi wakho akaphindi akhulume ngokunyuswa.

Lapho ekugcineni ubuza ngakho, bakuthatha ngesankahlu.

“Awuboni ukuthi ngimatasa kanjani? Ngabe ucabanga ukuthi nginesikhathi sokuqasha umphathi wehhovisi? Bengilindele okungcono kuwe, ”kusho bona.

Ungayiphendula kanjani

Uma usola ukuthi uzokwamukela ukoniwa okungokomzwelo, kunezinto ezimbalwa ongazenza ukuphendula ngendlela ekhiqizayo.

Abanye abantu bafunda amaqhinga okukhwabanisa (njengohambo lwecala) kubazali, izingane zakini, noma abalingani abedlule. Lokhu kuziphatha kuba yindlela engaguquguquki yokuhlangabezana nezidingo, kuchaza uMyers.

Lokho kusho ukuthi, abanye bangasebenzisa ngamabomu ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Uma ungazizwa uvikelekile lapho ubhekene nalo muntu, ungahle uthande ukweqa lokhu (okuningi ngokumele ukwenze kulesi simo kamuva).

Okokuqala, qaphela ukuthi yini okungeyona inhlamba engokomzwelo

Lapho izidingo zomuntu othandekayo noma imingcele kubangela ukukhungatheka noma ukungaphatheki kahle, ungahle uthande ukumelana nakho.

Kodwa-ke, wonke umuntu unelungelo lokuveza nokuphinda imingcele lapho kudingeka. Kungukuhlukumeza okungokomzwelo kuphela lapho kufaka ingcindezi, izinsongo, nemizamo yokukulawula.

U-Myers uphinde achaze ukuthi ukuveza imizwa nezinkumbulo zokuhlangenwe nakho okwedlule kungenza isimo samanje kubonakala njengokukhwabanisa.

“Uma siphendula umuntu ngokwesaba noma ngokungazethembi - sikholelwa ukuthi ukwenqaba noma ukubamba umngcele kuzoholela ekwenqatshweni - lokhu kungazwakala njengokuhlukumeza okungokomzwelo. Kodwa-ke, lokho kungaba umbono onganembile walokho okuzokwenzeka empeleni, ”kusho uMyers.

Hlala uzolile futhi ungapheli

Umuntu ozama ukukukhohlisa angakucindezela ukuthi uphendule ngokushesha. Lapho uphatheke kabi futhi wesaba, ungahle unikeze ngaphambi kokucabanga ngokugcwele ngamanye amathuba.

Lokhu kuyingxenye yokuthi i-blackmail isebenza kanjani. Esikhundleni salokho, hlala uzolile ngangokunokwenzeka futhi ubazise ukuthi udinga isikhathi.

Zama ukwehluka okuthile kokuthi, “Angikwazi ukunquma manje. Ngizoyicabanga bese ngikuphendula kamuva. ”

Bangase baqhubeke ukukucindezela ukuthi uthathe isinqumo ngokushesha, kodwa ungabuyeli emuva (noma uvukele izinsongo). Phinda ngomoya ophansi ukuthi udinga isikhathi.

Qala ingxoxo

Isikhathi ozithenga ngaso singakusiza ukuthi wakhe isu. Indlela osebenza ngayo ingaxhomeka ezimeni, kufaka phakathi isimilo nokuziphatha.

"Okokuqala, hlola ukuphepha komuntu siqu," kutusa uMyers. "Uma uzizwa uvikelekile ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba ngokwenza lokho, ungahlanganyela engxoxweni."

Abaningi bama-blackmailers bazi kahle ukuthi benzani. Bafuna ukuthi izidingo zabo zihlangatshezwe futhi abanandaba nokuthi lokhu kubiza ini.

Abanye bavele babone ukuziphatha kwabo njengecebo elifezekisa izinhloso zabo futhi bangaboni ukuthi likuthinta kanjani. Lapha, ingxoxo ingasiza ukukhulisa ukuqonda kwabo.

"Veza ukuthi amagama noma ukuziphatha kwabo kukwenza uzizwe kanjani," kuphakamisa uMyers. "Banikeze ithuba lokushintsha lezo zimilo."

Thola izimbangela zakho

Umuntu ozama ukukukhohlisa ngokuvamile unombono omuhle wokuthi ungazicindezela kanjani izinkinobho zakho.

Uma ungakuthandi ukuphikisana esidlangalaleni, isibonelo, mhlawumbe basongela ukwenza indawo.

Ngokusho kukaMyers, ukwandisa ukuqonda kwakho kokwesaba noma izinkolelo ezinikeza amandla omnyama amandla kunganikeza ithuba lokubuyisa lawo mandla. Lokhu kuzokwenza kube nzima kakhulu ngomunye umuntu ukuzisebenzisela wena.

Kulesi sibonelo esifanayo, mhlawumbe lokho kusho ukwazi ukuthi izimpikiswano zomphakathi ziyindawo ebabayo kuwe futhi uza nempendulo ejwayelekile kulolu songo.

Babhalise ekuvumelaneni

Lapho unikeza omunye umuntu ithuba lokuthi akusize uthole enye ikhambi, ukwenqaba kwakho kungabonakala kufana ncamashi.

Qala ngesitatimende esiqinisekisa imizwa yabo, bese uvula umnyango wokuxazulula izinkinga ngokubambisana.

Mhlawumbe utshela umlingani wakho, “Ngiyakuzwa uzizwa uthukuthele ngoba ngichitha impelasonto nabangane bami. Ungangisiza ngiqonde ukuthi kungani uzizwa ukhungatheke kangaka? ”

Lokhu kukhombisa omunye umuntu omkhathalelayo ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi umazise ukuthi uzimisele ukusebenza naye.

Uma udinga usizo manje

Uma uthola ukuphathwa ngokungaguquguquki noma ukuhlukunyezwa okungokomzwelo, kungaba ngcono ukugwema ukubhekana nalowo muntu.

Esikhundleni salokho, cabanga ukufinyelela kunombolo yosizo ebucayi. Abeluleki bezinkinga abaqeqeshiwe banikela ngosizo nokuxhaswa kwamahhala, okungaziwa, ngo-24/7. Zama:

• Ulayini Wombhalo Wenkinga
• Inombolo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya

Kuthiwani uma bezisongela ngokuzilimaza?

Uma othile ezisongela ngokuzilimaza ngaphandle kokuthi wena wenze lokho abakushoyo, ungazizwa uthambekele nakakhulu ekuvumeleni.

Khumbula: Ungalawula kuphela eyakho izenzo. Akunandaba ukuthi umnakekela kangakanani umuntu, awukwazi ukumkhetha.

Ukubaxhuma ukuze basize futhi basekele (njenge-911 noma umugqa wenkinga) kuyindlela enempilo, nephephile kini nobabili.

Okubalulekile

I-Sarcasm, "ukuhlolwa" kobudlelwano, ukusolwa okungafanele, izinsongo ezisikiselwe, kanye nokwesaba, isibopho, kanye necala abakwenzayo kuwe kuyizimpawu zokukhohlakala okungokomzwelo.

Ukunikela kungabonakala kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokugcina ukuthula, kepha ukuthobela ngokuvamile kuholela ekukhohlisweni okuqhubekayo.

Kwezinye izimo, ungahle ukwazi ukubonisana nalo muntu, kepha kokunye, kungaba ngcono ukuqeda ubudlelwano noma ufune usizo kumelaphi oqeqeshiwe.

UCrystal Raypole wake wasebenza njengombhali nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Imikhakha yakhe enentshisekelo ifaka izilimi nezincwadi zase-Asia, ukuhunyushwa kwesiJapane, ukupheka, isayensi yemvelo, ukuzethemba ngocansi, nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukhethekile, uzibophezele ekusizeni ukunciphisa ukucwaswa okuzungeze izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo.