Imibono Engu-7 Evame Kakhulu Yezocansi nokuthi Yini Ongayenza Ngabo

-Delile

• Amaphupho ajwayelekile ngokuphelele
• Yize amathuba engapheli, kunezigaba eziyisi-7 eziyinhloko
• Ucansi lwabalingani abaningi
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• Amandla, ukulawula, noma ucansi olubi
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• Inoveli, ukuzijabulisa, nokuhlukahluka
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• Okungewona umfazi oyedwa
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• I-Taboo nezocansi ezingavunyelwe
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• Ukukhathazeka nokuthandana
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• Ukuguquguquka kwemizwa
• Okufanele ukwenze ngakho
• Ngakho yini iphuzu?
• Ingabe kuyehluka ngobulili?
• Ungaletha kanjani imicabango yakho kumlingani wakho?
• Okubalulekile

Amaphupho ajwayelekile ngokuphelele

Ake siqale ngokuthi wonke umuntu unamaphupho ezocansi. Yebo, lonke uhlanga lwesintu lunengqondo ekhukhuleka iye kudoti okungenani ngezikhathi ezithile.

Abantu abaningi bazizwa benamahloni ngamathuba abo kanye nemicabango yangaphakathi evusa inkanuko, kepha "noma ngabe iyini le fantasy, kuyinto ejwayelekile!" ngokusho komqeqeshi wezocansi oqinisekisiwe uGigi Engle, umbhali we "All The F cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life."

Uthi: "Lapho sikhuluma kakhulu ngemicabango yezocansi futhi senza ingxoxo ibe ngejwayelekile, kulapho sizozishaya kakhulu ngenxa yokuba [nemicabango] esontekile, eyezocansi, nesithukuthezi," esho. Yingakho sihlanganisa leli shidi lesibhedlela lokucabanga.

Qhubeka ufunde ukuze ufunde ukuthi sonke siphupha ngani ngokungcola - kanye nokuthi ungayilingisa kanjani i-IRL, uma ufuna.

Yize amathuba engapheli, kunezigaba eziyisi-7 eziyinhloko

Kuvela ukuthi imicabango yakho yezocansi ayihlukile kangako kunalokho ubucabanga.

Ngemuva kokwenza umuntu ongu-4,000 +, ucwaningo lwemibuzo engama-350 ngo-2018, uthisha wezocansi owaziwa umhlaba wonke uJustin Lehmiller, PhD, waphetha ngokuthi kunezindikimba eziyisi-7 eziyinhloko zezinganekwane.

Ngenkathi amathuba engapheli, maningi amathuba okuthi uthole isifiso sakho se-steamy sihlolwe ngezansi. Futhi uma kungenjalo - ake sithi nje unekhono lokudala kunabaningi. Wink.

Ucansi lwabalingani abaningi

Amehlo athe njo esikrinini ngesikhathi ukuthi I-Game of Thrones scene (yebo, lapho uThon Greyjoy ehamba nqunu nezindlovukazi ezimbili eziwile)? Ukuhamba ngesandla phakathi kwemilenze yakho ngokucabanga nge-orgy yabantu abaningi?

Awuwedwa. Ubulili beqembu yizinto ezivusa inkanuko ezivame kakhulu kubantu baseMelika.

Kungani ucansi lwamaqembu lungashisa kangaka? U-Engle uyachaza: “Emifanekisweni eminingi yezocansi yabantu abaningi, uyisihlabani somdlalo. Umqondo wabantu abaningi abafuna ukulala nawe uyingxenye yokuvula. ”

Ama-Threesomes, amadili, nokunye okunjalo kudala ukulayishwa ngokweqile kwemizwa. Cabanga ngakho: Kukhona nje izingcezu eziningi, iphunga, ukunambitheka, izimbobo, izigxobo, nemisindo kunaseseshini yababili noma eyodwa.

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Yonke inganekwane iwela ezigabeni ezi-1 kwezi-3, ngokusho kuka-Engle. "Labo esizigcina kithi, labo esihlanganyela nabo esisebenzisana nabo ukuze bavuse ubumnandi ngesikhathi socansi, nalabo ebesingathanda ukubazama empilweni yangempela."

Uma lokhu kumane kuyiphupho kuwe, ungakucabangi.

Uma ufuna ukwabelana nomlingani wakho - kepha hhayi ukuthi wenze le fantasy - qala ngokucela imvume yokufaka lolu hlobo lwenkulumo embhedeni.

Isibonelo, "Bengicabanga ukuthi kungashisa ukukhuluma ngephupho lomunye wesifazane ezokwehla kuwe embhedeni. Ucabangani?"

Empeleni ufuna iqembu lezocansi i-IRL? Izindaba ezimnandi. "Ucansi lwamaqembu nalo luyiphupho elifinyeleleka kalula - ungahle ungakwazi ukuya ocansini nosaziwayo wakho owuthandayo, kepha mhlawumbe ungathola umuntu ozimisele ngokubathathu," kusho uthisha wezocansi uCassandra Corrado onesikole i-O.

Uma nithandana, khulumani ngokuthi ngabe nifuna kube isikhathi esisodwa noma ukuhlangana okuqhubekayo, nokuthi ngabe ukhetha umuntu ongamazi noma umngane. Sungula imingcele yalokhu kuhlangana.

Amandla, ukulawula, noma ucansi olubi

Cue S&M kaRihanna ngoba imvubu namaketanga kujabulisa izigidi zabantu baseMelika.

I-Sadism ne-masochism (i-S & M) nokugqilazwa, isiyalo, ukubusa, nokuzithoba (i-BDSM) kwakha inganekwane yesibili edume kakhulu.

I-BDSM imayelana nokushintshana kwamandla kwamandla esimeni socansi noma esingathandani nabesilisa nabesifazane.

"Umqondo wokuzithoba ocansini ungavusa abantu abahlale bephethe ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala," kusho u-Engle. "Futhi umqondo wokuphatha ungashisa ngenxa yesimo sobulili obubi kanye nomuzwa wegunya."

Ubaba / indodakazi yesinyathelo, uprofesa / umfundi, umphathi / umsebenzi wabalingisi uwela kulesi sigaba. Kanjalo "nokuya ocansini ngenkani" (lokho uDkt Lehmiller akubiza ngokuthi “ukudlwengula okuhlekisayo”).

I-S & M imayelana nokunikeza noma ukuthola ubuhlungu ngezinto ezifana nokushaya, ukushaya, ukuhlazeka nokuningi.

UCorrado uthi, “Ngempela, lolu hlobo lokudlala lumayelana nokwethembana okukhulu ngoba luhlobo lokudlala olusengozini. Futhi lokho kuba sengozini kunamandla okuvuka. ”

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Ukusuka ekushayeni nasekugoqeni okuyimpumputhe, kudlalwe i-electroplay noma ukudlala inaliti, iBDSM iqukethe imisebenzi ehlukahlukene yezocansi.

Ngakho-ke isinyathelo sokuqala sokumisa le-fantasy IRL ukuqinisekisa ukuthi iphephile, inengqondo, futhi iyavumelana (i-SSC), bese uthola ukuthi iyini le fantasy, futhi bese ukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngayo.

"Noma ngabe yini eyiphupho, kufanele kube nohlelo olubekiwe mayelana nokuthi kuzokwenzekani kuleyo ndawo yezocansi," kusho uDaniel Sayant, umsunguli we-NSFW, ikilabhu elibamba imicimbi yezocansi kanye nemihlangano yokufundisana.

"Ngaleyo ndlela ungasusa ubungozi bezenzo ezingafuneki, noma ezingekho emthethweni - noma ngabe udlala ngokulawula," uyanezela.

Ungasichaza kanjani isimo:

• Vumelanani ngegama eliphephile.
• Xoxa ngokuthi yiziphi izindima.
• Beka imingcele.
• Thatha kancane.
• Ngena ngokuqhubekayo.

Inoveli, ukuzijabulisa, nokuhlukahluka

Ucansi olwandle noma esiqongweni sentaba. Ukubonela endlini yokugezela yendiza noma ngenkathi ugqoke ipulagi le-butt. Ukuyifaka epaki.

Izinganekwane ezigxile kokusha (kufaka phakathi ucansi olusha njengendunu noma ngomlomo) noma ukuzijabulisa (ukuya ocansini endaweni entsha) kuvamile.

"Umuzwa wokubhekana nokungaziwa [nokuzama] okuthile okokuqala kungakunikeza ukukhahlela okuvusa amadlingozi kwe-adrenaline, futhi kwabanye abantu, ukuvusa imizwa kuxhumene nalowo muzwa we-adrenaline," kusho uCorrado.

Ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside ikakhulukazi, ukugcina ubusha buphila kubaluleke kakhulu ekulweni nesithukuthezi ekamelweni nokugcina impilo yobulili isebenza, kusho u-Engle. "Ukuzama okuthile okusha kuvuselela uthando owawunalo ekuqaleni kobudlelwano."

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Yini inoveli noma okusha komuntu oyedwa kungahle kungabi ngomunye. Ngakho-ke ini futhi kuphi phakathi kwemicabango yabantu kuzohluka.

Noma ngabe ufuna ukuhlola ukudlala ezimpundu, ucansi lokungena olungesilo olwevangeli, ukufaka ama-69-ing, noma ukuletha ukudla egumbini lokulala, isinyathelo sokuqala ukukhuluma ngokwengezwa kwesenzo.

Gwema ukwenza umlingani wakho azizwe engafaneleki ngokwakha lo mhlangano wokuthi yini ongayengeza emdlalweni wakho wezocansi.

Zama ukuthi "Ngiyathanda uma ungaphakathi kimi, ubungazizwa kanjani ngokuhlola isitayela sezinja ngokuzayo lapho senza ucansi?" noma "Ngiyayithanda indlela obukeka ngayo phakathi kwemilenze yami, ungathanda ukunginambitha ngokuzayo lapho senza ucansi?"

Kuthiwani uma ufuna ukwenza into efanayo 'ole ngendlela efanayo' kodwa ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala? Futhi, buza umlingani wakho ukuthi ngabe yinto abengayilungela yini.

Khumbula: E-United States, ukwenza ucansi esidlangalaleni akukho emthethweni. Amacala okungahloniphi emphakathini, ukuvezwa okuyihlazo, amanyala nokubukisa okungamanyala yizo zonke izingcuphe ezingaba khona.

Okungewona umfazi oyedwa

Ubudlelwano obuvulekile, i-polyamory, ne-swinging kuya ngokuya kwamukelwa njengesakhiwo (esinempilo nesijabulisayo) sobudlelwano - futhi ifolishi elijwayelekile lokushaya indlwabu kubantu abasebudlelwaneni bomuntu oyedwa.

Ngokwengxenye enkulu, imicabango yomuntu imayelana ukuvumelana okungabodwa. Okusho ukuthi, umlingani oyedwa unikeze isibusiso sabo kwabanye ukudlala ngaphandle komshado. Abanye bacabanga ngokungahambisani nomfazi oyedwa.

Abanye bacabanga ngomlingani wabo elele nabanye. Ukupheka i-cuckolding kuyiphupho elithile lokuvumela umlingani wakho alale nomunye umuntu, kepha kuphela uma uthola ukubuka noma ukuzwa ngakho (ngokuningiliziwe) ngemuva kweqiniso.

Bangaphansi kuka-0.5% abantu abathi ukukopela, ukungathembeki, noma ukuphinga bekubavusa.

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Okokuqala, thola ukuthi ngabe le nto ufuna i-IRL, kusho u-Engle, "ngoba lokho kuyisilwane esihlukile kunokumane ube nephupho."

Uma ufuna ukushintsha ukwakheka kobudlelwano bakho, "qala ngokuhlola ukuthi lokho kusho ukuthini kuwe," kusho uCorrado.

Abanye abantu bazi ngokusobala ukuthi bafuna umlingani oyedwa othandana naye kepha bafuna ukuhlola ngokocansi nabanye abantu. Abanye abantu bafuna ubudlelwane obujulile, obunothando nabantu abangaphezu koyedwa ngasikhathi.

Uma usungazichaza lezo zifiso, khuluma nomlingani wakho.

"Akuwona wonke umuntu ozokhululeka ngokushintsha ukwakheka kobudlelwano, kepha uma uthatha isinqumo sokuqhubekela phambili ndawonye, ​​kuzodingeka usebenzise lolu hlobo lokuxhumana ngokukhululekile," esho.

Uma unamaphupho okopela, uCorrado unikeza lesi seluleko esilandelayo: “Thola ukuthi kungani unale fantasy. Awenelisekanga ebudlelwaneni bakho? Ngabe ufisa ukushesha kwe-adrenaline? Ngabe kukhona okunye ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi okuqhubekayo? ”

Iyini imizwa yakho kule fantasy? Ukuhlola imizwa yakho kungakunika izinkomba ngezidingo zakho ezingagcwaliseki.

Okulandelayo, xazululela i-WYY yakho. Iya ekwelashweni kwezithandani noma uhlukane nomlingani wakho uma lokho kukulungele. Iya esibhakabhakeni noma ubhekane nenkinga ebangela lokho.

Noma, phila fantasy yakho. Kepha qonda ukuthi ukungahambi komuntu oyedwa ngokuziphatha kungukwephula imithetho noma imingcele yobudlelwano bakho futhi kungahle kube nemiphumela efana nemizwa yecala, noma umlingani wakho akushiye uma ethola.

I-Taboo nezocansi ezingavunyelwe

“Ngaphandle nangaphandle kwekamelo lokulala, sifuna lokho esingeke sikwazi ukuba nakho. Yindlela esebenza ngayo ingqondo yethu, ”kusho u-Engle. "Noma yibuphi ubudlelwano bezocansi noma isenzo esingasifaka enkingeni noma sibonwe njengesixakile noma esinqatshelwe noma esibi empilweni yangempela, singaba yithuba."

Izitabane ezijwayelekile zifaka phakathi ukukhotha izinyawo noma amakhwapha nokukhulekela isikhumba noma i-lycra.

I-Voyeurism (ukubuka abantu benza ucansi ngaphandle kolwazi lwabo noma imvume yabo) kanye nombukiso (ukuveza izitho zangasese zomuntu ngenkathi abanye bebuka - kwesinye isikhathi, kwesinye isikhathi ngaphandle kwemvume yabo) kuyindlela ejwayelekile kakhulu yocansi olungavunyelwe.

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Umbukiso ongacabangi kanye ne-voyeurism akukho emthethweni, ngoba abantu abadalulwa ezithweni zakho zobulili noma ababukwayo ababambiqhaza abazimisele. Yize lokhu kungashisa ukucabanga ngakho, lokhu akufanele kwenziwe empilweni yangempela.

Ukubeka isibuko phambi kombhede wakho ukuze ukwazi ukuzibuka, uye ekilabhini yezocansi noma ephathini, noma ngokudlala ngokuvumelana ne-Voyeur noma i-Exhibitionist nabalingani bakho kungakusiza ukuthi uhlole umuzwa ofanayo.

Ezinye izifiso zocansi zingadluliselwa nabalingani bakho - futhi kuya ngokuthandwa noma ukungathandwa kwabo, okwenziwe.

Ukukhathazeka nokuthandana

Kuvela, ukuhamba ibanga elide olwandle, ukudla kwamakhandlela, nokuxhumana kwamehlo ngesikhathi sokwenza uthando akuyona nje ihaba lokuthandana. Zonke ziyingxenye yefantasy yokufunwa, ukusondelana, nokuthandana.

“Abantu abaningi bafuna ukuphathwa njengobukhosi,” kusho uCorrado. "Izenzo zothando zibonisa isikhathi esiningi, umzamo, futhi mhlawumbe kufakwa nemali, futhi kungasenza sizizwe sibalulekile kulowo muntu."

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Uma uzithola uphupha ngalokhu, kungahle kube ngoba awuzizwa ubongwa empilweni yangempela.

Uma usebudlelwaneni, wena nozakwenu kungadingeka nichithe isikhathi esiningi ndawonye, ​​nifunde izilimi zothando zomunye nomunye, noma nenze ucansi ezikhundleni ezikuvumela ukuthi nikwazi ukubheka iso.

Uma ungashadile, uSayant uthi ungahlola ukwenza uchungechunge lokuhlikihla nomngani, uzikhiphele esidlweni sakusihlwa esimnandi, noma uzenzele uthando ekukhanyeni kwamakhandlela.

Ukuguquguquka kwemizwa

Kunezigaba ezimbili eziyinhloko lapha:

1. Amaphupho okugoba ubulili - lapho othile ehlola ukwethulwa kwakhe kobulili nokugqoka, noma enomlingani okwenzayo
2. Ukucabanga kocansi ngokocansi - lapho izenzo ezifakiwe noma abalingiswa babonakala bengahambisani nendlela umuntu abonakala ngayo ngokocansi

Yini eyenza lokhu kukhange kangaka? "Ukuhlola nokudlala izindima ezahlukahlukene nama-personas kungaba mnandi ngempela, kudale ubuciko, futhi kukhulule," kusho uCorrado. "Kusivumela ukuthi singene engxenyeni yethu engaphumi kaningi."

Ngokusho kukaDkt. Lehmiller, ukugoba izindima zobulili nokujwayela kubuye kuvumele abantu ukuthi bafake into entsha, ehlukile, futhi ethokozisayo empilweni yakho yezocansi, ngenkathi ngasikhathi sinye bechitha okulindelwe kwamasiko walokho "okufanele ube" noma ukwenze.

Futhi njengoba uCorrado esho, "ukukwazi ukwenza noma ukuba yini nokuthi yini okungafanele uyenze noma ukuba naye umlingani wakho kudala ungqimba lokuphepha nokuba sengozini okuqhubeka nokusixhumanisa nozakwethu."

Okufanele ukwenze ngakho

Kwezinye izimo, le mibono engahle isuselwe esifisweni sokuhlola ubulili bakho noma ubunikazi bobulili nokwethulwa. Kodwa-ke, ochwepheshe bathi ezimweni eziningi kubangelwa isifiso sokunethezeka esikhunjeni sakho nomlingani wakho.

Ukuxhumana, njengenjwayelo, kuyisihluthulelo ekufundeni uma ukuguqa kobulili bakho noma imicabango yokuya ocansini kukwenza ukuthanda komlingani wakho.

Ngakho yini iphuzu?

Ngenkathi wena amandla funda into eyodwa noma ezimbili mayelana nokuthi ufunani empilweni yangempela kusuka emicabangweni yakho engcolile, kunezinye izizathu eziningi zokuthi abantu babe nemibono yezocansi.

Kungani sicabanga, kusukela kuzizathu eziningi kuya kwezincane kakhulu:

• ukuzwa ukuvuswa
• ngoba sinelukuluku ngemizwa ehlukene yezocansi
• ukuhlangabezana nezidingo ezingagcwaliseki
• ukubalekela iqiniso
• ukuhlola isifiso sobulili
• ukuhlela ukuhlangana ocansini esikhathini esizayo
• ukukhululeka noma ukunciphisa ukukhathazeka
• ukuzizwa uzethemba ngokwengeziwe ngokocansi
• ngoba sibhorekile

Ingabe kuyehluka ngobulili?

Kuzo zonke izinkomba zobulili, kunokuningi okuvamile kulokho abantu abacabanga ngakho. Umehluko omkhulu imvamisa lapho benamaphupho athile.

Isibonelo, amadoda maningi amathuba okuthola abanye abesilisa nabesilisa ukuba abe nemibono yabalingani abaningi noma yezimanga. Abesifazane kakhulu kungenzeka babe BDSM noma romance fantasies, futhi babe nabo kaningi kunabanye ubulili.

Ungaletha kanjani imicabango yakho kumlingani wakho?

Ukuthi uyiletha noma cha kubila ekutheni uyafuna noma cha (futhi kusemthethweni ukwenza) le fantasy yangempela.

Imiphumela yocwaningo iveza ukuthi ngenkathi amaphesenti angama-77 abantu baseMelika befuna ukufaka amaphupho abo ezimpilweni zabo zocansi, bangaphansi kwamaphesenti angama-20 abaye baxoxa ngesihloko nomlingani wabo.

Uma kusobala ukuthi umsebenzi uyavumelana, usemthethweni, futhi uphephile, futhi usukulungele ukuletha abalingani bakho enganekwaneni, izinyathelo ezilandelayo zingasiza:

1. Xhumana ngokuningiliziwe ngaphambi kwesandla. Ngemuva kwalokho, xhumana ngesikhathi nangemva kwaso.
2. Sungula igama eliphephile (noma ngabe uzama ukuyiphi inganekwane!)
3. Yenza ucwaningo ngemikhuba emihle yokuphepha nokwaneliseka okuhlangene.
4. Qhubeka nokusebenzisa imikhuba yezocansi ephephile.
5. Iya kancane. Akukho ukujaha!
6. Xhumana futhi uhlale uzolile uma izinto zingahambi ngokohlelo.

Okubalulekile

Ukucabanga ngocansi kuyingxenye evamile yokuphila. Ezinye zingashisa kuphela njengenganekwane. Ezinye kungaba yizinto ofuna ukuzihlola empilweni yangempela.

Uma uvame ukuba nemicabango yezocansi ngezinto ezingekho emthethweni futhi ufuna ukuzihlola ngeqiniso, cabanga ukuhlangana nomelaphi wezocansi ukuze ukhiphe izifiso.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, donsa umoya bese ukhuluma nomlingani wakho. Izinkinga ukuthi bazoba nefantasy yezocansi noma ezimbili zabo abangathanda ukuzizama ku-IRL, futhi.

UGabrielle Kassel ungumbhali wezocansi nowezempilo waseNew York futhi ungumqeqeshi weCrossFit Level 1. Ube ngumuntu wasekuseni, uvivinye ama-vibrator angaphezu kwama-200, futhi wadliwa, wadakwa, futhi wahluzwa ngamalahle - konke egameni lobuntatheli. Ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala, angatholakala efunda izincwadi zokuzisiza namanoveli othando, ukucindezela ibhentshi, noma ukudansa kwepali. Mlandele Instagram.