Qinisa phezulu!

-Delile

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Abesifazane ababili abenza umsebenzi ofanayo badilizwa emisebenzini yabo. Imboni yabo ihlaselwe kakhulu yizinkinga zomnotho, futhi mancane amathuba okuba bathole izikhundla ezintsha. Banemfundo efanayo, umlando wemisebenzi kanye nolwazi lomsebenzi. Ungase ucabange ukuthi bangaba nethuba elifanayo lokufika ngezinyawo zabo, kodwa cha: Unyaka kamuva, omunye akasebenzi, uphukile futhi uthukuthele, kanti omunye usethathe indawo entsha ngokuphelele. Bekungelula, futhi akaholi kakhulu njengoba enza emsebenzini wakhe wakudala. Kodwa ujabulile futhi unethemba futhi ubheka emuva emsebenzini wakhe njengethuba elingalindelekile lokulandela indlela entsha yokuphila.

Sonke sikubonile lokhu: Lapho kuvela ubunzima, abanye abantu bayachuma, kanti abanye bayawa. Okwenza abasindile bahluke ukuqina kwabo -- ikhono lokubekezela ngisho nokuchuma ngaphansi kwezimo ezicindezelayo. "Abanye abantu bayakwazi ukusukumela umcimbi," kusho uRoberta R. Greene, Ph.D., uprofesa wezenhlalakahle e-University of Texas e-Austin nomhleli we Ukuqina: Indlela Edidiyelwe Yokuzijwayeza, Inqubomgomo, Nocwaningo (Inhlangano Kazwelonke Yabasebenzi Bezenhlalakahle, 2002). "Uma kuvela inkinga, baqala ukuqonde ukuxazululwa kwayo."

Ukuqina kufanele kukuhlakulele. Esikhundleni sokucindezelwa amakhefu anzima, abantu ababekezelayo basebenza kangcono kubo. Esikhundleni sokuchotshozwa, bayachuma. "Ukuqinisela kukusiza ukuthi uguqule izimo ezicindezelayo zisuke ezinhlekeleleni ezingase zibe ngamathuba," kusho uSalvatore R. Maddi, Ph.D., umsunguli weHardiness Institute Inc. eNewport Beach, eCalif. Abantu abanesibindi benza ngcono izimpilo zabo ngoba bayalawula futhi bayasebenza ukuthonya kahle okwenzeka kubo. Bakhetha isenzo esikhundleni sokungenzi lutho, kanye namandla ngaphezu kokungabi namandla.

Uqine kangakanani? Lapho kucinywa ugesi, ubungaba ngaphandle, ukhononda ngomakhelwane bakho, noma ubungahlala endlini ububula ngendlela izinto ezimbi ezihlale zikwehlela ngayo? Uma ungumsizi, kufanele wazi ukuthi ukuqina kungafundwa. Impela, abanye abantu bazalwa benekhono lokubuyela emuva, kodwa ochwepheshe bathembisa ukuthi labo bethu ababengakwazi bangakha amakhono athwala abantu abaqinile ezikhathini ezinzima.

Zibuze le mibuzo elandelayo; uma unezimpendulo eziningi ezithi "yebo", yilapho uqina khona. Izimpendulo "cha" zikhombisa izindawo ongafuna ukusebenzela kuzo. Bese ulandela izinhlelo zethu zokwakha ukuqina kwakho.

1. Ukhulele emndenini osekanayo?

"Abantu abasimeme banabazali, abantu abayisibonelo nabeluleki ababakhuthaze ukuthi bakholelwe ukuthi bangenza kahle," kusho uMaddi. Yena nozakwabo bathola ukuthi abantu abaningi abanokuqina (noma ukuqina, njengoba uMaddi ekubiza kanjalo) bakhule nabazali nabanye abantu abadala ababebafundisa amakhono okubhekana nezinkinga futhi bagcizelela ukuthi banamandla okudlula ubunzima bempilo. Abantu abadala abangaphansi kobunzima bakhula benengcindezi efanayo kepha ukwesekwa okuncane kakhulu.

Uhlelo lokusebenza Awukwazi ukushintsha ubuntwana bakho, kepha ungazungeza ngohlobo olufanele "lomndeni" manje. Funa abangane abazokusekela, izihlobo, omakhelwane nabantu osebenza nabo, futhi ugweme abantu abakuphatha kabi. Xhumana nethimba lakho lokusekela, ubanikeze usizo nesikhuthazo njalo. Khona-ke, lapho kufika ubunzima ekuphileni kwakho, cishe bayokubuyisela umusa.

2. Uyalwamukela ushintsho?

Noma ngabe kulahlekelwa umsebenzi, ukuhlukana noma ukuthuthela edolobheni elisha, izimo ezinzima kakhulu empilweni zibandakanya ushintsho olukhulu. Yize abantu abangaqinisi kangako bavame ukucasuka nokusongelwa ngoshintsho, labo abanamandla okuqina kakhulu kungenzeka ukuthi balwamukele futhi bazizwe bejabule futhi befuna ukwazi ngezimo ezintsha. Bayazi -- futhi bayakwamukela -- ukuthi ushintsho luyingxenye evamile yokuphila, futhi bafuna izindlela zokudala zokuzivumelanisa nakho.

"Wonke umuntu engimbonayo oqinile akayeki ukuba ingane enelukuluku lokudlala," kusho u-Al Siebert, Ph.D., umqondisi weThe Resiliency Center ePortland, Ore., Nombhali we Ubuntu Bomuntu Osindile: Kungani Abanye Abantu Benamandla, Behlakaniphe, Futhi Benekhono Kakhudlwana Ekubhekaneni Nobunzima Bempilo ... nokuthi Ungaba Kanjani, Nawe (IBerkley Publishing Group, 1996). "Lapho kuvela okuthile okusha, ubuchopho babo buvuleka ngaphandle."

Uhlelo lokusebenza Zama ukuba nelukuluku lokwengeziwe futhi uvulele ukushintsha ngezindlela ezincane ukuze kuthi lapho kuvela izinguquko ezinkulu, noma ukhethe ukuzenza, uzobe wakha okwenziwayo okuhle. "Abantu abaqinile babuza imibuzo eminingi, bafuna ukwazi ukuthi izinto zisebenza kanjani," kusho uSiebert. "Bazibuza ngezinto, bazame, benza amaphutha, bayalimala, bahleke."

Ngokwesibonelo, ngemva kokuhlukana bathatha iholide elihlelwe isikhathi eside kunokuba bahlale ekhaya futhi bafise sengathi ubuhlobo buphelile. Uma udlala futhi ufuna ukwazi, maningi amathuba okuthi usabele esimweni esingafuneki ngokuzibuza, "Yini engidinga ukuyenza ukulungisa lokhu? Ngingakusebenzisa kanjani okwenzekile kimi?"

3. Uyafunda yini kokuhlangenwe nakho okwedlule?

Lapho esebenza enombolweni yocingo yokuzibulala, uRobert Blundo, Ph.D., usonhlalakahle onelayisense futhi onguprofesa osebenzisana naye e-University of North Carolina eWilmington, ucela abafonayo abakhathazekile ukuba bacabange ukuthi basinde kanjani ezinkingeni ezedlule. Ngokucabanga nangokufunda empumelelweni yakho edlule, uthi, ungakhomba amakhono namasu azokusiza ukuthi ubekezelele izinkinga ezintsha. Kungokufanayo nokwehluleka: Ngokucabangela amaphutha akho esikhathi esidlule, ungafunda ukugwema ukwenza okufanayo futhi. “Abantu abaqinile bafunda kahle kakhulu ekuhlulekeni,” kusho uMaddi.

Uhlelo lokusebenza Uma kuvela izimo ezinzima, zibuze ukuthi yimaphi amakhono kanye nezindlela zokubhekana nezimo owawuzisebenzisa ukuze usinde ezikhathini ezinzima esikhathini esidlule. Yini ekusekele? Ingabe bekuwukucela usizo kumeluleki ongokomoya? Yini ekwenze wakwazi ukubhekana nalesi simo? Ukuthatha ukuhamba ngebhayisikili okude? Ubhala kujenali yakho? Uthola usizo kumelaphi? Futhi ngemuva kokubhekana nesiphepho, hlaziya ukuthi sikuletheleni. Yisho ukuthi uxoshiwe emsebenzini wakho. "Zibuze, 'Siyini isifundo lapha? Yiziphi izinkomba zokuqala engingazinakanga?'" USiebert uyeluleka. Ngemuva kwalokho, thola ukuthi ubungasisingatha kanjani isimo kangcono. Mhlawumbe ubungacela umphathi wakho ukuqeqeshwa okungcono noma unake kakhulu ukubuyekezwa kokusebenza okungalungile. Ukubheka emuva kungama-20/20: Yisebenzise!

4. Ingabe uyazibophezela ngezinkinga zakho?

Abantu abangenawo amandla okukhuthazela bavame ukufaka izinkinga zabo kwabanye abantu noma imicimbi yangaphandle. Basola abashade nabo ngomshado omubi, umphathi wabo ngomsebenzi ongagculisi, izakhi zabo zofuzo ezibangela inkinga yezempilo. Ngokuqinisekile, uma othile enza into embi kuwe, unephutha.Kepha abantu ababekezelayo bazama ukuzihlukanisa nomuntu noma umcimbi obalimazayo futhi benze umzamo wokuqhubeka. "Akusona isimo kodwa ukuthi usabela kanjani kuso okubalulekile," kusho uSiebert. Uma ubopha inhlalakahle yakho komunye umuntu, khona-ke okuwukuphela kwendlela ozozizwa ungcono ngayo uma umuntu okuphathe kabi exolisa, futhi ezimweni eziningi, lokho akwenzeki. "Isisulu sisola lesi simo," kusho uSiebert. "Umuntu oqinisayo uthatha umthwalo wemfanelo bese ethi, 'Indlela engiphendula ngayo kulokhu yikhona okubalulekile.'"

Uhlelo lokusebenza Esikhundleni sokucabanga ngokuthi ungabuyela kanjani kumuntu ngokukuzwisa ubuhlungu, zibuze: "Ngingazenza kanjani izinto zibe ngcono kimi?" Uma ukukhushulwa obukufuna ngabomvu kuya komunye umuntu, ungahlali ekhaya usole umphathi wakho, ubuke iTV futhi ucabange ngokuyeka. Esikhundleni salokho, gxila ekutholeni umsebenzi omusha noma ngokudlulisela kwesinye isikhundla enkampanini yakho. Sebenzela ukuqeda intukuthelo yakho; lokho kuzokukhulula ukuthi uqhubeke.

5. Ingabe uzibophezele ekuqiniseni amandla akho?

Abantu abasimeme baqinile ekuzinikeleni kwabo ekubuyiseleni emuva. "Kufanele kube nomqondo wokuthi uma ungenakho ukuqina, uzokufuna, nokuthi uma unakho, uzothuthukisa okuningi," kusho uGreene. Ngamanye amazwi, abanye abantu bayakwazi ukumelana nezimo ngenxa nje yokuthi banquma ukuba njalo, futhi ngenxa yokuthi bayaqaphela ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sinjani, yibona bodwa abanganquma ukuthi babhekane ngqo nenselele yini noma bavume kuyo.

Uhlelo lokusebenza Khuluma nabangane abakwaziyo ukululama ngokushesha ebunzimeni ukuze uthole ukuthi yini ebasebenzelayo, funda izincwadi ezimayelana nokusinda ebunzimeni futhi ucabange kusengaphambili ngokuthi ungasabela kanjani ngokukhuthazela ezimweni ezithile. Lapho kuvela izenzakalo ezivivinyayo, yehlisa ijubane futhi uzibuze ukuthi umuntu oqinile angasabela kanjani. Uma udinga usizo lokuqinisa amandla akho okuqina, cabanga ukubona owelapha noma usonhlalakahle.

Ngaphezu kwakho konke, qiniseka ukuthi ungashintsha. "Kwesinye isikhathi kuba sengathi ukuphela komhlaba," kusho uBlundo. "Kodwa uma ungaphumela ngaphandle kwesimo ubone ukuthi akunjalo, ungasinda. Khumbula ukuthi unakho ukukhetha njalo."

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