Ungayibona Kanjani futhi Ubhekane Nayo Nesisulu Sengqondo

-Delile

• Kubukeka kanjani?
• Ukugwema umthwalo wemfanelo
• Ukungafuni izixazululo ezingaba khona
• Umuzwa wokungabi namandla
• Ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle nokuzilimaza
• Ukungazethembi
• Ukukhungatheka, intukuthelo, nentukuthelo
• Ivelaphi?
• Ukuhlukumezeka okudlule
• Ukukhaphela
• Ukuthembela
• Ukuphathwa
• Kufanele ngiphendule kanjani?
• Gwema ukufaka ilebula
• Beka imingcele
• Nikeza usizo ngokuthola izixazululo
• Nikeza isikhuthazo nokuqinisekisa
• Cabanga ukuthi zivelaphi
• Kuthiwani uma yimi onomqondo wesisulu?
• Okubalulekile

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Ngabe kukhona omaziyo obonakala eba yisisulu cishe kuzo zonke izimo? Kungenzeka ukuthi banomqondo wesisulu, kwesinye isikhathi obizwa ngokuthi yi-victim syndrome noma i-complex isisulu.

Ukucabanga kwesisulu kuxhomeke ezinkolelweni ezintathu ezibalulekile:

• Izinto ezimbi ziyenzeka futhi zizoqhubeka zenzeke.
• Abanye abantu noma izimo kufanele zibekwe icala.
• Noma yimiphi imizamo yokwakha ushintsho izokwehluleka, ngakho-ke asikho isidingo sokuzama.

Umqondo womqondo wesisulu uphonswa kakhulu kumasiko we-pop nasezingxoxweni ezikhululekile ukubhekisa kubantu ababonakala bengena ngokunganaki futhi bakuphoqa kwabanye.

Akusilo igama elisemthethweni lezokwelapha. Eqinisweni, ochwepheshe abaningi bezempilo bayayigwema ngenxa yenhlamba eyizungezile.

Abantu abazizwa bevaleleke esimweni sokuhlukunyezwa kaningi yenza zwakalisa ukunganaki okuningi, kodwa kubalulekile ukuqaphela ubuhlungu obukhulu kanye nosizi kuvame ukubhebhethekisa le mindset.

Kubukeka kanjani?

UVicki Botnick, owelayisensi yomshado nomelaphi womndeni (LMFT) eTarzana, eCalifornia, uchaza ukuthi abantu bayazibheka njengeqhaza lalabo abahlukumezekile lapho "bekholelwa enkolelweni yokuthi wonke umuntu ubangele usizi lwabo futhi akukho abakwenzayo okuzokwenza umehluko."

Lokhu kubenza bazizwe besengozini, okungadala imizwa enzima nokuziphatha. Nakhu ukubuka ezinye zalezo.

Ukugwema umthwalo wemfanelo

Olunye uphawu olukhulu, uBotnick uphakamisa, ukungabi nokuziphendulela.

Lokhu kungabandakanya:

• ukubeka ukusola kwenye indawo
• enza izaba
• engathathi mthwalo
• sisabela ezinkingeni eziningi zempilo ngokuthi “Akulona iphutha lami”

Izinto ezimbi ziyenzeka ngempela, imvamisa kubantu abangenzanga lutho olubafanele. Kuyaqondakala ukuthi abantu ababhekana nobunzima emva kobunye bangase baqale ukukholelwa ukuthi umhlaba uphume ukubathola.

Kepha izimo eziningi yenza kufaka phakathi izibopho ezahlukahlukene zomthwalo womuntu siqu.

Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngokulahlekelwa umsebenzi. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi abanye abantu balahlekelwa yimisebenzi yabo ngaphandle kwesizathu esizwakalayo. Kuyaye kube njalo ukuthi izinto ezithile ezingumgogodla zidlala indima.

Umuntu ohluleka ukubheka lezo zizathu angahle angafundi noma akhule kusuka kulokho okwenzekayo futhi angagcina ebhekene nesimo esifanayo futhi.

Ukungafuni izixazululo ezingaba khona

Akuzona zonke izimo ezingezinhle ezingalawuleki ngokuphelele, noma ngabe zibonakala zinjalo ekuqaleni. Imvamisa, kukhona okungenani isenzo esincane esingaholela ekwenzeni ngcono.

Abantu abavela endaweni yokuhlukunyezwa bangakhombisa intshisekelo ekuzameni ukwenza izinguquko. Bangase benqabe ukunikezwa kosizo, futhi kungabonakala sengathi banentshisekelo kuphela yokuzidabukela.

Ukuchitha isikhathi esincane uzigingqika ngosizi akusho ukuthi akunampilo. Lokhu kungasiza ekwamukeleni nasekuqhubekeni kwemizwa ebuhlungu.

Kepha lesi sikhathi kufanele sibe nephuzu lokugcina eliqondile. Ngemuva kwalokho, kuyasiza kakhulu ukuqala ukusebenzela ukwelashwa nokushintsha.

Umuzwa wokungabi namandla

Abantu abaningi abazizwa behlukunyezwa bakholelwa ukuthi abanamandla okuguqula isimo sabo. Abakujabuleli ukuzizwa becindezelwe futhi bangathanda ukuthi izinto zihambe kahle.

Kepha impilo iyaqhubeka nokuphonsa izimo kubo, ngokombono wabo, akukho abangakwenza ukuphumelela noma ukuphunyuka.

"Kubalulekile ukukhumbula umehluko phakathi 'kokungathandi' kanye 'nokungakwazi,'" kusho uBotnick. Uyachaza ukuthi abanye abantu abazizwa njengezisulu benza ukhetho oluqondile lokususa ukusola nokucasuka.

Kepha ekusebenzeni kwakhe, uvame kakhulu ukusebenza nabantu abahlangabezana nobuhlungu obujulile bengqondo obenza ushintsho lubonakale lungenzeki ngempela.

Ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle nokuzilimaza

Abantu abaphila nomqondo wesisulu bangafaka ngaphakathi imilayezo engemihle ephakanyiswe yizinselelo ababhekana nazo.

Ukuzizwa uhlukunyezwa kungaba nomthelela ezinkolelweni ezinjenge:

• "Konke okubi kuyangehlela."
• "Angikwazi ukwenza lutho ngakho, ngakho kungani uzama?"
• "Ngifanelwe izinto ezimbi ezingehlelayo."
• Akekho onendaba nami. ”

Ubunzima obusha ngalunye bungaqinisa le mibono engasizi kuze kube yilapho igxilile ngokuqinile kwi-monologue yayo yangaphakathi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukukhuluma okungalungile kungalimaza ukuqina, kwenze kube nzima ukubuyela emuva kusuka ezinseleleni futhi welaphe.

Ukuzikhulumela okungekuhle kuvame ukuhambisana nokuzilimaza. Abantu abakholelwa ukuthi ukuzikhulumela kwabo kaningi banesikhathi esilula sokukuphila. Uma lokho kukhuluma okuzimele kungalungile, bangahle babe namathuba okulimaza ngokungazi noma yimiphi imizamo abangayenza ekushintsheni.

Ukungazethembi

Abantu abazibona njengezisulu bangase balwe nokuzethemba nokuzethemba. Lokhu kungenza imizwa yokuhlukunyezwa ibe yimbi kakhulu.

Bangacabanga izinto ezinjengokuthi, "Angihlakaniphile ngokwanele ukuthola umsebenzi ongcono" noma "Anginawo amakhono anele okuphumelela." Lo mbono ungabenza bangazami ukuthuthukisa amakhono abo noma bakhombe amandla namakhono amasha angabasiza bafeze izinhloso zabo.

Labo abazama ukusebenzela kulokho abakufunayo nokwehluleka bangazibona beyisisulu sezimo futhi. Ilensi engeyinhle abazibheka ngayo ingenza kube nzima ukubona enye into engenzeka.

Ukukhungatheka, intukuthelo, nentukuthelo

Ukucabanga kwesisulu kungalimaza inhlalakahle engokomzwelo.

Abantu abanale mindset bangazizwa:

• sikhungathekile futhi sithukuthele ngezwe elibonakala limelene nabo
• abanathemba ngezimo zabo ezingaguquki
• kubuhlungu lapho bekholelwa ukuthi abantu ababathandayo abanendaba
• bacasuke abantu ababonakala bejabule futhi bephumelela

Le mizwa ingabathwalisa kanzima abantu abakholelwa ukuthi bazohlala beyizisulu, bakha futhi bakhule lapho kungakhulunywa nabo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, le mizwa ingaba nomthelela kulokhu:

• ukudinwa okuthukuthele
• ukudana
• ukuzihlukanisa
• isizungu

Ivelaphi?

Bambalwa kakhulu - uma bakhona - abantu abamukela ukucabanga kwesisulu ngoba bekwazi. Kuvame ukugxila ezintweni ezimbalwa.

Ukuhlukumezeka okudlule

Kumuntu wangaphandle, umuntu onomqondo wesisulu angabonakala ebabazekayo ngokweqile. Kepha le mindset ivame ukukhula ngokuphendula ekuhlukunyezweni kweqiniso.

Ingavela njengendlela yokubhekana nokuhlukunyezwa noma ukuhlukumezeka. Ukubhekana nezimo ezingezinhle ezilandelanayo kungenza lo mphumela ube lula kakhulu.

Akuwona wonke umuntu ohlangabezana nezimo ezihlukumezayo oqhubeka nokukhulisa ukucabanga kwesisulu, kepha abantu basabela ebunzimeni ngezindlela ezihlukile. Ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo bungaphazamisa umuzwa womuntu wokulawula, bunikele emizweni yokungabi nalusizo kuze kube yilapho bezizwa bevalelekile futhi beyeka.

Ukukhaphela

Ukukhaphela ukwethembana, ikakhulukazi ukukhashelwa okuphindaphindiwe, nakho kungenza abantu bazizwe njengezisulu futhi kwenze kube nzima ngabo ukwethemba noma ngubani.

Uma umnakekeli wakho oyinhloko, ngokwesibonelo, engajwayelekile ukulandela ukuzibophezela kuwe njengengane, ungakuthola kunzima ukuthembela kwabanye abasezingeni eliphansi.

Ukuthembela

Le mindset nayo ingakhula eceleni kokuxhomekeka. Umuntu othembekile angahle adele izinhloso zakhe ukuxhasa umlingani wakhe.

Ngenxa yalokhu, bangazizwa bekhungathekile futhi benenzondo ngokungaze bathole abakudingayo, ngaphandle kokuvuma iqhaza labo kulesi simo.

Ukuphathwa

Abanye abantu abathatha indima yokuba yisisulu bangabonakala bethokozela ukusola abanye ngezinkinga abazibangelayo, ukuqhuma nokwenza abanye bazizwe benecala, noma ukukhohlisa abanye ngozwela nokunakwa.

Kepha, uBotnick uphakamisa, isimilo esinobuthi esifana nalesi singavame ukuhlotshaniswa nokuphazamiseka kobuntu kwe-narcissistic.

Kufanele ngiphendule kanjani?

Kungaba yinselele ukuxhumana nomuntu ohlale ezibona njengesisulu. Bangase benqabe ukuthatha umthwalo wamaphutha abo futhi basole wonke umuntu lapho izinto zingahambi kahle. Bangahle babukeke phansi njalo.

Kepha khumbula ukuthi abantu abaningi abaphila nale mindset babhekane nezimo ezinzima noma ezibuhlungu zempilo.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele uthathe umthwalo wabo noma wamukele izinsolo nokusolwa. Kepha zama ukuvumela uzwela luqondise impendulo yakho.

Gwema ukufaka ilebula

Amalebula ngokuvamile awasizi. "Isisulu" yilebula ekhokhiswa ikakhulukazi. Kungcono ukugwema ukubhekisa kumuntu njengesisulu noma uthi uziphathisa okwesisulu.

Esikhundleni salokho, zama (ngozwela) ukuveza isimilo esithile noma imizwa oyibonayo, efana nale:

• ekhononda
• ukuguqula ukusola
• ukungamukeli umthwalo
• ukuzizwa uvalelekile noma ungenamandla
• ukuzizwa ngathi akukho lutho okwenza umehluko

Kungenzeka ukuthi ukuqala ingxoxo kungabanika ithuba lokuveza imizwa yabo ngendlela ekhiqizayo.

Beka imingcele

Okunye ukucwaswa okuzungeze ukucabanga kwesisulu kuhlobene nendlela abantu kwesinye isikhathi abasola ngayo abanye ngezinkinga noma ukubacasula ngecala-ngezinto ezingasebenzanga.

"Ungase uzizwe usolwa njalo, sengathi uhamba phezu kwamaqanda amaqanda, noma kufanele uxolise ngezimo lapho uzizwa khona ukuthi nobabili unesibopho," kusho uBotnick.

Imvamisa kunzima ukusiza noma ukusekela umuntu obonakala ngombono wakhe wehluka kakhulu kweqiniso.

Uma bebonakala begweba noma bebeka icala kuwe nakwabanye, ukudweba imingcele kungasiza, uBotnick uphakamisa: “Khipha okuningi ngangokunokwenzeka kokunganaki kwabo, bese ubuyisela umthwalo wemfanelo kubo.”

Usengaba nobubele futhi unakekele umuntu noma ngabe udinga ukuthatha isikhala kubo kwesinye isikhathi.

Nikeza usizo ngokuthola izixazululo

Ungahle uthande ukuvikela othandekayo wakho ezimeni lapho angazizwa ehlukunyezwa ngokwengeziwe. Kepha lokhu kungakhipha izinsiza zakho ezingokomzwelo futhi kungenza isimo sibe sibi kakhulu.

Inketho engcono kungaba ukunikeza usizo (ngaphandle kokubalungisela noma yini). Ungakwenza lokhu ngezinyathelo ezintathu:

1. Vuma inkolelo yabo yokuthi abakwazi ukwenza lutho ngalesi simo.
2. Buza ukuthi bathini ngabe benze uma kufanele babe namandla okwenza okuthile.
3. Basize bacabangisise ngezindlela ezingenzeka zokufeza leyo nhloso.

Isibonelo: “Ngiyazi ukuthi kubonakala sengathi akekho umuntu ofuna ukukuqasha. Lokho kufanele kukhungathekise ngempela. Ubukeka kanjani umsebenzi wakho omuhle? ”

Ngokuya ngempendulo yabo, ungabakhuthaza ukuthi bandise noma banciphise ukusesha kwabo, bacabangele izinkampani ezahlukahlukene, noma bazame ezinye izindawo.

Esikhundleni sokunikeza izeluleko eziqondile, ukwenza iziphakamiso ezithile, noma ukuxazulula inkinga kubo, ubasiza babone ukuthi bangaba namathuluzi wokuzixazulula ngokwabo.

Nikeza isikhuthazo nokuqinisekisa

Uzwela lwakho nokukhuthazeka kungahle kungaholi oshintshweni olusheshayo, kepha kusengenza umehluko.

Zama:

• ukukhomba izinto abahle kuzo
• ukugqamisa impumelelo yabo
• ubakhumbuza ngothando lwakho
• ukuqinisekisa imizwa yabo

Abantu abangenawo amanethiwekhi wokuxhasa aqinile nezinsiza zokubasiza bakwazi ukubhekana nokuhlukumezeka bangaba nesikhathi esinzima sokunqoba imizwa yokuhlukunyezwa, ngakho-ke ukukhuthaza othandekayo wakho ukuthi akhulume nomelaphi nakho kungasiza.

Cabanga ukuthi zivelaphi

Abantu abanomqondo wesisulu banga:

• ngizizwe ngingenathemba
• bakholelwa ukuthi abanakho ukwesekwa
• bazisole bona
• ukungazethembi
• ukuzithemba okuphansi
• ulwa nokudangala kanye ne-PTSD

Le mizwa enzima nokuhlangenwe nakho kungakhuphula ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, kwenze ukucabanga kwesisulu kube nzima kakhulu ukunqoba.

Ukuba nomqondo wesisulu akukuthetheleli ukuziphatha okubi. Kubalulekile ukuzibekela imingcele. Kepha futhi uqonde ukuthi kungahle kube nokuningi okuqhubekayo ukwedlula kwabo abafuna ukunakwa.

Kuthiwani uma yimi onomqondo wesisulu?

"Ukuzwa ukulimala nokulimala ngezikhathi ezithile kuyindlela enhle yokuzethemba kwethu," kusho uBotnick.

Kepha uma ukholwa ukuthi uhlala uyisisulu sezimo, umhlaba ukuphathe ngokungafanele, noma akukho okungahambi kahle okuyiphutha lakho, ukukhuluma nodokotela kungakusiza uvume amanye amathuba.

Kungumqondo omuhle ukukhuluma nochwepheshe oqeqeshiwe uma uke wabhekana nokuhlukunyezwa noma okunye ukuhlukumezeka. Yize ukuhlukumezeka okungalashwa kungahle kube nomthelela emizweni eqhubekayo yokuhlukunyezwa, kungasiza futhi:

• ukudana
• izindaba zobudlelwano
• uhla lwezimpawu zomzimba nezingokomzwelo

Umelaphi angakusiza:

• hlola izimbangela zomqondo wesisulu
• sebenzela ukuzizwela
• khomba izidingo zakho kanye nezinhloso zakho
• dala uhlelo lokufeza izinhloso
• hlola izizathu zemizwa yokungabi namandla

Izincwadi zokuzisiza zinganikeza nangesiqondiso esithile, ngokusho kukaBotnick, otusa “Ukudonsa Izintambo Zakho.”

Okubalulekile

Isimo sengqondo sesisulu singacindezela futhi sidale izinselelo, kulabo abaphila naso nakubantu abasempilweni yabo. Kepha kunganqotshwa ngosizo lodokotela, kanye nobubele obuningi nokuzenzela umusa.

UCrystal Raypole wake wasebenza njengombhali nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Imikhakha yakhe enentshisekelo ifaka izilimi nezincwadi zase-Asia, ukuhunyushwa kwesiJapane, ukupheka, isayensi yemvelo, ukuzethemba ngocansi, nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukhethekile, uzibophezele ekusizeni ukunciphisa ukucwaswa okuzungeze izingqinamba zezempilo yengqondo.