Izeluleko Ezi-8 Zokunqoba Ukuzimela Kwekhodi

-Delile

• Okokuqala, hlukanisa ukukhombisa ukusekelwa ekuthembekeni
• Khomba amaphethini empilweni yakho
• Funda ukuthi uthando olunempilo lubukeka kanjani
• Zibekele imingcele
• Khumbula, ungakwazi ukulawula izenzo zakho kuphela
• Nikeza ukwesekwa okunempilo
• Zijwayeze ukuzithathela wena
• Thola izidingo zakho
• Cabanga ngokwelashwa

Ukuxhomekeka kwe-Codependence kubhekisa kuphethini yokubeka phambili izidingo zabalingani bobudlelwano noma amalungu omndeni ngaphezulu kwezidingo nezifiso zakho.

Kuyedlula:

• ngifuna ukusiza othandekayo onenkinga
• bezizwa beduduzeka ngokuba khona kwabo
• engafuni bahambe
• ngezikhathi ezithile ukuzidela ukusiza umuntu omthandayo

Abantu kwesinye isikhathi basebenzisa leli gama ukuchaza isimilo esingahambelani kahle nale ncazelo, okuholela ekudidekeni okuthile. Cabanga njengokusekelwa okwedlulele kakhulu kube okungenampilo.

Leli gama livame ukusetshenziselwa ukwelulekwa ngomlutha ukuze kuchazwe izindlela zokuziphatha ezivumela ubudlelwano obuthinteke ekusetshenzisweni kabi kwezidakamizwa. Kepha kungasebenza kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lobudlelwano.

Uma ucabanga ukuthi ungahle ube ebudlelwaneni obuncikile, nazi ezinye izikhombisi zokukusiza ukuthi uqhubekele phambili.

Okokuqala, hlukanisa ukukhombisa ukusekelwa ekuthembekeni

Umugqa ophakathi kokuziphatha okunempilo, okusekelako nokuzethembela kwesinye isikhathi ungaba mfushane. Ngemuva kwakho konke, kuyinto ejwayelekile ukufuna ukusiza umlingani wakho, ikakhulukazi uma beba nesikhathi esinzima.

Kodwa ukuziphatha ngokuzimela kuyindlela yokuqondisa noma yokulawula ukuziphatha komunye umuntu noma imizwa yakhe, ngokusho kukaKatherine Fabrizio, ongumeluleki onolwazi onelayisense eRaleigh, eNorth Carolina. Uyachaza esihlalweni somshayeli sempilo yabo esikhundleni sokuhlala ungumgibeli, ”kuchaza yena.

Kungenzeka kungabi yinhloso yakho ukubalawula, kepha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umlingani wakho angahle ancike osizweni lwakho futhi azenzele okuncane. Ngokunjalo, ungazizwa unenhliziyo yokugcwaliseka noma inhloso ngokuzidela okwenzela umlingani wakho.

Ezinye izimpawu ezibalulekile zokuxhomekeka, ngokusho kukaFabrizio, zingafaka:

• ukukhathazeka ngokuziphatha noma inhlalakahle kazakwenu
• ukukhathazeka kakhulu ngokuziphatha komlingani wakho kunabo
• isimo esincike ekutheni umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani noma wenza kanjani

Khomba amaphethini empilweni yakho

Lapho usuthole isibambo sokuthi ukulawulwa kwekhodi kubukeka kanjani empeleni, thatha isinyathelo emuva bese uzama ukukhomba noma yimaphi amaphethini avelayo ebudlelwaneni bakho bamanje nobedlule.

U-Ellen Biros, isisebenzi sezenhlalakahle esinelayisensi yomtholampilo eSuwanee, eGeorgia, uchaza ukuthi izindlela zokuziphatha ezincikene ngokujwayelekile zisekelwe ebuntwaneni. Amaphethini owafunda kubazali bakho bese uphinda ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukudlala kaninginingi, uze ubayeke. Kepha kunzima ukwephula iphethini ngaphambi kokuthi uyiqaphele.

Ngabe unokuthambekela kokudonsela kubantu abadinga usizo oluningi? Ingabe unenkinga enzima yokucela usizo kumlingani wakho?

Ngokuya nge-Biros, abantu abathembele ekwenzeni amakhodi bavame ukuthembela ekuqinisekisweni okuvela kwabanye esikhundleni sokuziqinisekisa. Lokhu kuthambekela ekuzideleni kungakusiza uzizwe usondelene kakhulu nomlingani wakho. Uma ungabenzeli izinto, ungazizwa ungenanjongo, ungakhululekile, noma uzizwe ungazethembi.

Ukuvuma nje la maphethini kuyisihluthulelo sokuwahlula.

Funda ukuthi uthando olunempilo lubukeka kanjani

Akubona bonke ubudlelwano obungenampilo obuthembele kokunye, kepha bonke ubudlelwano bokunciphisana ngokuvamile abunampilo.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi ubudlelwano bokuzimela buphelile. Kuzothatha nje umsebenzi othile ukubuyisela izinto emgqeni. Esinye sezinyathelo zokuqala zokwenza lokho ukumane ufunde ukuthi ubudlelwano obunempilo, obunganciki kubukeka kanjani.

"Uthando olunempilo lubandakanya umjikelezo wenduduzo nokwaneliseka," kusho uBiros, "kuyilapho uthando olunobuthi lubandakanya umjikelezo wobuhlungu nokuphelelwa yithemba."

Wabelana ngezimpawu ezimbalwa zothando olunempilo:

• ophathina bayazethemba futhi bayathembana
• bobabili abalingani bazizwa bephephile ekuzihlonipheni kwabo
• ophathina bangayekethisa

Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, umlingani wakho kufanele anakekele imizwa yakho, futhi kufanele uzizwe uvikelekile ukukhuluma ngemizwa nezidingo zakho. Kufanele futhi uzizwe ukwazi ukubeka umbono ohlukile kowakwakho noma uthi cha entweni ephikisana nezidingo zakho.

Zibekele imingcele

Umngcele umkhawulo ozibekela wona ezintweni ongakhululekile ngazo. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukusetha noma ukunamathela kukho, ikakhulukazi uma ubhekene nokuxhomekeka okudala kukudala. Ungajwayela ukwenza abanye bakhululeke kuze kube nzima ukuthi ucabangele imingcele yakho.

Kungathatha umkhuba othile ngaphambi kokuhlonipha ngokuqinile nangokuphindaphindiwe imingcele yakho, kepha lawa macebiso angasiza:

• Lalela ngozwela, kepha yeka lapho. Ngaphandle kokuthi ubandakanyeke enkingeni, unganikeli ngezixazululo noma uzame ukuzilungisela zona.
• Prakthiza ukwenqaba ngenhlonipho. Zama "ngiyaxolisa, kodwa angikhululekile okwamanje" noma "ngincamela ukungabi kulobubusuku, kodwa mhlawumbe ngesinye isikhathi."
• Zibuze. Ngaphambi kokwenza okuthile, zibuze le mibuzo elandelayo:
  • Kungani ngenza lokhu?
  • Ngabe ngifuna noma ngibona kufanele?
  • Ngabe lokhu kuzokhipha izinsiza zami?
  • Ngisazoba nawo yini amandla okuhlangabezana nezidingo zami?

Khumbula, ungakwazi ukulawula izenzo zakho kuphela

Ukuzama ukulawula izenzo zomunye umuntu ngokuvamile akusebenzi. Kepha uma uzizwa uqinisekiswa yikhono lakho lokuxhasa nokunakekela umlingani wakho, ukwehluleka kulokhu kungakwenza uzizwe ulusizi.

Ukungabi noshintsho kwabo kungakucasula. Ungase uzizwe ucasukile noma udumele ngokuthi imizamo yakho yokusiza ayibanga nomthelela omncane. Le mizwa ingakushiya uzizwe ungelutho noma uzimisele kakhulu ukuzama kanzima futhi ukuqala umjikelezo futhi.

Ungayimisa kanjani le patheni?

Zikhumbuze ukuthi ungakwazi ukuzilawula kuphela. Unesibopho sokuphatha indlela oziphethe ngayo kanye nokuphendula kwakho. Awunacala ngokuziphatha komlingani wakho, noma komunye umuntu.

Ukunikezela ukulawula kubandakanya ukwamukela ukungaqiniseki. Akekho owaziyo ukuthi ikusasa liphetheni. Lokhu kungasabisa, ikakhulukazi uma ukwesaba ukuba wedwa noma ukulahlekelwa ubudlelwano bakho kunomthelela ekuziphatheni okuhambisanayo. Kepha uma ubudlelwano bakho bunempilo enhle, maningi amathuba okuthi buhlale isikhathi eside.

Nikeza ukwesekwa okunempilo

Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokufuna ukusiza umlingani wakho, kodwa kunezindlela zokwenza lokho ngaphandle kokudela izidingo zakho.

Ukusekelwa okunempilo kungabandakanya:

• ukukhuluma ngezinkinga ukuthola imibono emisha
• ulalele izinkinga noma ukukhathazeka komlingani wakho
• ukuxoxa ngezixazululo ezingaba khona nge kubo, kunokuba ngoba kubo
• banikeze iziphakamiso noma iseluleko lapho bebuzwa, bese behlehla ukuze babavumele bazenzele esabo isinqumo
• ukunikela ngozwelo nokwamukelwa

Khumbula, ungakhombisa uthando kumlingani wakho ngokuchitha isikhathi naye futhi ubekhona ngaphandle kokuzama ukuphatha noma ukuqondisa ukuziphatha kwabo. Ozakwethu kufanele bazane ngokuthi bangobani, hhayi lokho abakwenzayo komunye nomunye.

Zijwayeze ukuzithathela wena

Ukuzethemba nokuzethemba okuphansi kuvame ukuhlanganiswa. Uma uxhumanisa ukuzihlonipha kwakho namandla akho okunakekela abanye, uhlakulela umuzwa wokuzihlonipha lokho akunjalo kuncike ebudlelwaneni bakho nabanye kungaba yinselele.

Kepha ukuzethemba okwengeziwe kungakhuphula ukuzethemba kwakho, injabulo, nokuzethemba kwakho. Konke lokhu kungenza kube lula kuwe ukuveza izidingo zakho nokubeka imingcele, zombili okuyizinto ezingukhiye ekunqobeni ukuthembana.

Ukufunda ukuzazisa kuthatha isikhathi. Lezi zeluleko zingakusetha endleleni efanele:

• Chitha isikhathi nabantu abakuphatha kahle. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukushiya ubudlelwano, noma ngabe ukulungele ukuqhubeka. Okwamanje, zungeze nabantu abahle abakuthandayo futhi abanikeze ukwamukelwa nokusekelwa. Nciphisa isikhathi sakho nabantu abachitha amandla akho futhi basho noma benze izinto ezikwenza uzizwe kabi ngawe.
• Yenza izinto ozijabulelayo. Mhlawumbe isikhathi osichithe unakekela abanye sikugcinele izinto zokuzilibazisa noma ezinye izintshisekelo. Zama ukubekela eceleni isikhathi esithile usuku ngalunye ukwenza izinto ezikuthokozisayo, noma ngabe ukufunda incwadi noma ukuthatha uhambo.
• Nakekela impilo yakho. Ukunakekela umzimba wakho kungasiza inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo ithuthuke, futhi. Qiniseka ukuthi udla njalo futhi ulala ngokwanele ubusuku ngabunye. Lezi yizidingo ezibalulekile ofanele ukuhlangabezana nazo.
• Dedela ukukhuluma okungekuhle. Uma uvame ukuzigxeka, uphonsele inselelo futhi uqambe kabusha la maphethini emicabango emibi ukuze uqinisekise wena esikhundleni salokho. Esikhundleni sokuthi “Angilungile,” isibonelo, zitshele ukuthi "ngizama konke okusemandleni ami."

Thola izidingo zakho

Khumbula, ukuphathwa kwama-codependent ngokuvamile kuvame ukuqala ebuntwaneni. Kungenzeka kube yisikhathi eside selokhu ume ukucabanga ngezidingo zakho nezifiso zakho.

Zibuze ukuthi ufunani empilweni, ngaphandle kwezifiso zomunye umuntu. Ingabe ufuna ubuhlobo? Umndeni? Uhlobo oluthile lomsebenzi? Ukuhlala kwenye indawo? Zama ukuxoxa nganoma iyiphi le mibuzo.

Ukuzama imisebenzi emisha kungasiza. Uma ungaqiniseki ukuthi yini oyithandayo, zama izinto ozithandayo. Ungakuthola unethalente noma ikhono ongakaze wazi ngalo.

Lokhu akuyona inqubo esheshayo. Kungathatha amasonto, izinyanga, noma ngisho neminyaka ukuthuthukisa imibono ephathekayo mayelana nalokho okudingayo ngempela nokufunayo. Kepha kulungile. Ingxenye ebalulekile ukuthi uyayicabanga.

Cabanga ngokwelashwa

Izici zokuncika ku-Cod zingagxila ebuntwini nasekuziphatheni okokuthi ube nobunzima bokuzibona uwedwa. Noma ngabe uyakubona, ukuthembela ekuthengeni kungaba nzima ukunqoba uwedwa.

Uma usebenza ukunqoba ukuxhomekeka kwekhodi, uBiros uncoma ukuthi ufune usizo kumelaphi onolwazi olusebenza ngokululama kule nkinga eyinkimbinkimbi.

Bangakusiza:

• khomba futhi uthathe izinyathelo zokubhekana namaphethini wokuziphatha okuthembekile
• sebenzela ukukhulisa ukuzethemba
• hlola ukuthi ufunani empilweni
• qamba kabusha bese uphonsela inselelo amaphethini emicabango emibi

"Ukuqhubeka nokugxila ngaphandle kwakho kukubeka esimweni sokungabi namandla," kusho uFabrizio. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kungafaka imizwa yokuphelelwa ithemba nokuphelelwa wusizo, okungadala ukucindezeleka.

Ukuxhomekeka kwe-Codependency kuyinkinga eyinkimbinkimbi, kepha ngomsebenzi omncane, ungayinqoba bese uqala ukwakha ubudlelwano obulinganiselwe obusebenzela nezidingo zakho.