Ingabe Abesifazane Basho Ukushada?

-Delile

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Noma uncika noma cha, iningi labesifazane lifuna konke uma kukhulunywa ngendoda. Ngakho-ke lapho umthola futhi uba ngumkakhe, ungahle uzizwe sengathi impilo yakho (noma okungenani ingxenye yothando) ibingeke ibe ngcono-uze ubone ukuthi kunokuthile okushodayo: i-libido yakho.

Ngokocwaningo oluncane lwabesifazane abashadile olushicilelwe ku Ijenali Yezokwelapha Nezocansi, abafazi bavame ukulahlekelwa intshisekelo yezocansi isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba abayeni babo benze. [Thwebula leli qiniso!] Futhi cishe amaphesenti ayi-9 abesifazane 18 kuya ku-44 babika ukuthi bakhathazekile ngenxa yesifiso sabo esiphansi, ucwaningo lwango-2008 luthole. Ngaphambi kokuba ukhathazeke, yizwa ukuthi yiziphi izazi ezikholelwa ukuthi zingahle ziphazamisane noNkk.

Okufunwa ngabesifazane kushintshile. Umshado ongcwele awusafani nakuqala. Umbono wabesifazane wenyunyana enhle, eqinile uyinkimbinkimbi kunanini ngaphambili-futhi, kwezinye izimo, unqamula kokungenangqondo. Udokotela wezifo zengqondo futhi Ukukhwelana Ekuthunjweni umbhali u-Esther Perel ukufingqe kahle kakhulu enkulumweni yakhe eyathandwa kakhulu ye-TED Talk, "Imfihlo yokufisa ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside":

"Umshado ubuyisikhungo sezomnotho lapho unikezwe ubambiswano impilo yonke ngokwezingane, isikhundla senhlalo, ukulandelana, kanye nobungane. Kepha manje ... sifika kumuntu oyedwa futhi sibacela ukuthi basinike lokho kanye idolobhana elisetshenziselwe ukuhlinzeka: okungokwakho, ubuwena, ukuqhubeka, ukweqa, imfihlakalo, ukwesaba, ukunethezeka, unqenqema, ubusha, ukujwayela, ukubikezela, kanye nokumangala konke kanye. O, yilokho kuphela?

Ukusho ukuthi "Ngiyakwenza" kuyisifo esikhulu sokubulala imizwa. Noma ngabe uthole umlingani wakho womphefumulo, kumane kuliqiniso ukuthi lowo muzwa kaLovin uzogcina uphelile. "Ubuchopho yindawo enhle kakhulu kubantu besifazane, futhi uma usushadile, ukukhuthazeka kobuchopho obukade unakho akusekho ngoba nihlangene ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi ayikho imfihlakalo esele - isibikezelo sengqondo osidingayo asisekho ," kusho udokotela wezengqondo u-Belisa Vranich, Psy.D., ilungu lebhodi labaluleki be-SHAPE. Ngamanye amazwi, ngaphandle kwenjabulo, abesifazane abakwazi ukujabula.

Akusizi ukuthi amadoda ajwayele ukukhululeka ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kwabesifazane, ngakho-ke ngenkathi uzibeka ngobunono usuku lwedina, akashintshi ngisho nehembe lakhe. "Kubalulekile ukuhlala nihle komunye nomunye," kusho uVranich. Futhi njengoba abafana bengenayo ingcindezi efanayo yomphakathi yokugcina ukuzilungisa nokubukeka kahle, lokhu kunqamula kungaba ukucisha kwangempela.

Ezokuphepha ziyalugxeka ucansi. Ngakho-ke kungani abesifazane behlala isikhathi eside ngemuva kokuthola i-vanilla? "Umshado ususelwa ekududuzekeni, ekubikezeleni nasekuphepheni," kuchaza uVranich, "okuyizinto ezinhle kakhulu empilweni yansuku zonke nasekukhumbuzaneni, kodwa ngeshwa lokhu kubulala isifiso, esidinga ukungabi nalutho, ukuzenzela, nokugconwa." Kodwa-ke ngenxa yokuthi ngokwemvelo sidinga ukuvikeleka ngaphezu kocansi, abanye besifazane bajabule kakhulu ngobudlelwane obuncishwe ucansi (noma ngisho abangenabo ucansi), uyanezela.

Amadoda ehla kalula. Njengoba kungenzeka uqaphele, isifiso sivela ekhanda elilodwa kwabesifazane kanti elinye (eningizimu eningizimu) kuma-gents. Izidingo zakhe zingahlangatshezwa ngokuhlushwa okuhlala isikhashana, kepha ukuphazamiseka okuncane kuwe kungasho ukuthi i-O ayisihambeki. "Konke kusuka ekucasukeni ukuya ekucabangeni ngento okhohlwe ukuyenza ezinyaweni zakho ekubeni kubanda kungakuvimbela ekubeni ne-orgasm," kusho uVranich. Uma umlingani wakho engacabangi ngokuvuthwa njengeyakhe futhi into yakhe, ucansi luvame ukukhungatheka futhi lungathandeki kangako.

Ukuxhunywa kungashisa… Ngaphambi kokuhweba ngamabhuthi akho e-kinky ukuthola ama-slippers asendlini, thola lokhu: Kuhlolo olwenziwe yiMatch.com kanye nomeluleki wesayense wesayithi uHelen Fisher, Ph.D., amaphesenti aphezulu abantu abadala athi ucansi lungcono ebudlelwaneni obungashadile nobude -isikhathi, umlingani ohlala naye."Ithuba lokuthi nihlukane lisho ukuthi nobabili kudingeka nihlale phezulu emdlalweni wenu, noma nje kancane. Udinga ukwenza ngokwanele ukuwugcina uzenzekela futhi ube mnandi," kusho uVranich, otholakala kowakhe umkhuba nocwaningo ukuthi abantu baphamba nokukhohlisa okuncane uma bengakhiyelwe. [Twitha lokhu!]

…noma uthi “ngiyakwenza,” okuhle nokubi. Ngisho noma ungenawo umvuthwandaba wokugoqa uzwane njalo ebusuku, usengaba nenjabulo yakho ngemva kwalokho. “Ngonyaka odlule, senza ucwaningo nabantu abashadile abangu-1 000, futhi ngamangala lapho ngithola ukuthi abangamaphesenti angu-80 bathi bazophinde bashade nabashade nabo,” kusho uFisher, isazi sesayensi yezinto eziphilayo. Amaphesenti angamashumi ayisikhombisa nanhlanu abike ukuthi asathandana ngokuhlanya nozakwabo-kanti abanye bese beneminyaka engaphezu kwengu-25 bendawonye.

Ukuwenza ugcine, udinga ukuthi uqiniseke ukuthi utholwa ngezizathu ezifanele futhi ungalokothi uyeke ukutshala imali komunye nomunye. "Kubalulekile ukubonana njengabantu abazimele abathandekayo obathandayo hhayi ukuthanda nje kuphela," kusho uVranich. Ukuhlukahluka okuncane nokuphuma embhedeni-akulimazi futhi. "Izinto ezintsha zivuselela uhlelo lwe-dopamine ebuchosheni, oluqala uhlelo lwe-testosterone futhi lungavusa isifiso socansi," kusho uFisher.

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