Izindlela eziyi-12 Zokuyeka Umona

-Delile

• Yilandelele ibuyele emthonjeni wayo
• Khuluma izikhalazo zakho
• Ithiphu yepro
• Khuluma nomngane omethembayo
• Beka okuhlukile ngomona
• Cabanga ngesithombe esigcwele
• Prakthiza ukubonga ngalokho onakho
• Zijwayeze amasu wokubhekana nokubhekana nomzuzwana
• Phumula
• Hlola izingqinamba
• Khumbula ukubaluleka kwakho
• Zijwayeze ukucabanga
• Inike isikhathi
• Khuluma nomelaphi

Sifaka imikhiqizo esicabanga ukuthi ilusizo kubafundi bethu. Uma uthenga ngezixhumanisi ezikuleli khasi, singathola ikhomishini encane. Nansi inqubo yethu.

Umona unegama elibi. Akuvamile ukuzwa abantu abanezinhloso ezinhle besho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Ungabi nomona” noma “Umona uqeda ubudlelwano.” Kodwa yini eyenza lo muzwa ube mubi kangaka?

Yize kuvame ukuxhunyaniswa nobudlelwano bezothando, umona ungavela noma nini lapho ukhathazekile ngokulahlekelwa noma yini noma omunye umuntu obalulekile kuwe. Lokhu kwehlukile emoneni, okubandakanya ukufuna into okungeyomunye umuntu.

Umona ungaholela emizweni yentukuthelo, intukuthelo, noma ukudabuka. Kepha imvamisa ingakutshela into noma ezimbili ngawe nezidingo zakho.

Nakhu ukubuka ezinye izindlela zokubhekana nomona futhi uhlole ukuthi yini okuyimpande yemizwa yakho.

Yilandelele ibuyele emthonjeni wayo

USara Swenson, i-LMHC, uthi: “Uma uthola lolo thambo olunomona, zibuze ukuthi yini eyimbangela yalo. Bese uthatha izinyathelo zokushintsha ongakuthandi ukuze uthole okufunayo. ”

Ukuhlola imizwa yakho yomona kungakunika ukuqonda ukuthi zivelaphi:

• Ubudlelwano obusha bukadadewenu budala umona ngoba awuzange ube nenhlanhla enkulu yokuphola futhi ukhathazeke ukuthi awusoze wamthola umuntu ofanele.
• Ukuphakanyiswa komuntu osebenza naye kukwenza uzizwe unesikhwele ngoba ukholelwa ukuthi awulungile ngokwanele emsebenzini wakho ukuze uthole ukunyuselwa wena.
• Lapho umlingani wakho eqala ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nomngani omusha, uzizwa unomona ngoba leso kwakuyisibonakaliso sokuqala osibonile lapho umlingani wangaphambilini ekopela.

Noma ngabe umona wakho ubangelwa ukungavikeleki, ukwesaba, noma amaphethini obudlelwano bangaphambilini, ukwazi kabanzi ngezimbangela kungakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho.

Mhlawumbe unengxoxo evulekile nomphathi wakho mayelana nokuthola indlela yokunyuselwa esikhundleni, unqume ukuzama indlela ehlukile yokuphola, noma ukhulume nomlingani wakho ngemizwa yakho.

Khuluma izikhalazo zakho

Uma izenzo zomlingani wakho (noma izenzo zomunye umuntu kumlingani wakho) zidala imizwa yomona, veza lokhu nomlingani wakho ngokushesha okukhulu.

Ithiphu yepro

Qalisa isihloko somona lapho nobabili ningabekela eceleni isikhathi esithile engxoxweni ekhiqizayo. Uma kungenzeka, zama ukugwema ukungena esihlokweni esibucayi ngaphambi kokulala noma lapho usuzophuma ngomnyango.

Kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho akazange akubone lokhu kuziphatha, noma kungenzeka ukuthi akazange abone ukuthi uzizwe kanjani ngakho. Sebenzisa leli thuba ukukhuluma nganoma yimiphi imingcele yobudlelwano ongafuna ukuyivakashela futhi, noma xoxani ngezindlela zokugcina ubuhlobo benu buqinile.

Uma umethemba umlingani wakho kepha unokungabaza ngenxa yesipiliyoni sangaphambilini sobudlelwano, zama ukuthola izindlela ezimbalwa nobabili eningasiza ngazo ukwenza ngcono isimo.

Uma uzizwa unovalo ngokukhuluma ngemizwa yomona, zama ukukhumbula ukuthi ijwayelekile. Umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi wake waba nemizwa ethile yomona ngesikhathi esithile.

Khuluma nomngane omethembayo

Umona kwesinye isikhathi ungakunika umuzwa ophambene ngokweqiniso. Ungase uzibuze ukuthi lokho kudlala ngothando okungafakwanga ngamazwi ufunga ukuthi ukubonile kwenzeka ngempela.

Kwesinye isikhathi, ukukhuluma ngalezi zinkathazo kumuntu wesithathu kungenza isimo singesabi futhi kukusize uthole umbono othile.

Beka okuhlukile ngomona

Umona ungaba imizwa eyinkimbinkimbi, eqinile, futhi ungahle ungazizwa kahle uma ubhekene nayo. Kepha esikhundleni sokuyicabanga njengento engeyinhle, zama ukuyibuka njengomthombo wolwazi osizayo.

Umona, ngokusho kukaSwenson, ukutshela ukuthi kukhona umehluko phakathi kwalokho onakho nokufunayo.

Uyanezela ukuthi umona ongalawulwa ungaphenduka uzisole futhi udale umjikelezo ogcina uzizwa uncishwa okuthile. Kepha ungakwazi ukuyilawula ngokuyikhomba njengolwazi oluwusizo ongalusebenzisa ukudala izimo lapho kuhlangatshezwana nezidingo zakho.

Cabanga ngesithombe esigcwele

Umona kwesinye isikhathi uyenzeka ngokuphendula isithombe esinqunyelwe. Ngamanye amagama, ungahle uziqhathanise wena nempumelelo yakho nezimpawu zakho kumbono ofanele noma ongaphelele womunye umuntu.

Abantu ngokujwayelekile bakhombisa ukuzidela kwabo emhlabeni, ngakho-ke akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukusho ukuthi kwenzekani ngempela empilweni yomunye umuntu noma ebudlelwaneni. Bese kuba khona lonke udaba lwezokuxhumana, olukhulisa lo mqondo.

Kepha awusoze wazi ngokweqiniso ukuthi umuntu ubhekene nani, ikakhulukazi uma ubheka nje ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.

Umngani wakho wasekolishi onezithombe ze-Facebook zakhe nomyeni wakhe baphume edlelweni, bebukeka benganaki futhi bejabule? Kuko konke okwaziyo, baphikisana yonke indlela laphaya futhi bajuluka ngezinhlamvu ngaphansi kwakho konke lokho okufana nakho.

Prakthiza ukubonga ngalokho onakho

Ukubonga okuncane kungahamba ibanga elide. Ayikwazi ukunciphisa imizwa yesikhwele kuphela, kepha futhi iqeda ukucindezeleka.

Ungahle ungabi nakho konke okufunayo. Abaningi bethu abanalo. Kepha mhlawumbe unayo okungenani ezinye yalokhu okufunayo. Mhlawumbe unezinto ezithile ezinhle empilweni yakho obungazilindelanga.

Lokhu kungasiza ukuthi ngabe ubheke ibhayisikili elisha likanokusho lomngane wakho noma ufisa ukuthi umlingani wakho angachithi isikhathi esiningi nabangane. Zikhumbuze ngebhayisikili lakho eliqinile, elinokwethenjelwa elikufinyelela lapho udinga ukuya khona. Cabanga ngezinzuzo zokuba nomlingani okwazisayo ukubaluleka kobungani.

Ngisho nokwazisa izinto ezinhle empilweni yakho ezingahlobene nomona kungakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi, yize impilo yakho ingahle ingapheleli (kodwa impilo kabani?), Usenezinto ezinhle ezikusebenzelayo.

Zijwayeze amasu wokubhekana nokubhekana nomzuzwana

Ukubhekana nomona njengoba uvela ngeke kukusize ukubhekana nezimbangela eziyisisekelo. Kepha kungasiza ukugcina ukucindezeleka kutholakale kuze kube yilapho ukwazi ukubhekana nezinkinga ezibangela lokho.

Ukuguqula ukunaka kwakho emoneni nakho kungakusiza ekuvimbeleni ekusebenzeni ngemizwa yakho (futhi wenze okuthile okungalimaza ubuhlobo noma ubungani).

Phumula

Zama lezi zindlela zokuziphazamisa emicabangweni enomhawu ngaphambi kokuba ibe nzima kakhulu:

• Bhala phansi indlela ozizwa ngayo.
• Thatha uhambo lokuhambahamba.
• Zinike isikhala ngokushiya isimo.
• Thatha imizuzu eyi-10 ukwenza okuthile ukwehlisa umoya.

Hlola izingqinamba

Umona oqhubekayo futhi odale ukucindezeleka kwesinye isikhathi ungahlobana nezinkinga zokukhathazeka noma zokuzethemba, kuchaza uVicki Botnick, LMFT. “Ukufunda indlela yokubhekana nanoma iyiphi inkinga kungasiza ekunciphiseni umona.”

Enye yezindlela zokubhekana nokuzethemba okuphansi kubandakanya ukukhomba izindinganiso zomuntu siqu, ezinjengobubele, ukuxhumana, noma ukwethembeka. Lokhu kuyasiza, ngokusho kukaBotnick, ngoba kukuvumela ukuthi uhlole ukuthi uyawagcina yini la magugu empilweni yakho yansuku zonke.

Ibuye ikunikeze nethuba lokuqaphela izici zakho ezinhle futhi ubuyekeze okubalulekile kuwe. Lokhu kungakhuphula umuzwa wakho wokuzihlonipha futhi kungasiza ekwehliseni imizwa ecindezelayo yokuzenyeza noma yokuncintisana.

Ukukhathazeka kungaba nezimpawu ezahlukahlukene ezingaba nzima ukubhekana nazo wedwa. Izindlela zokubhekana nezinkinga zingasiza (thola amanye amathiphu lapha), kepha ukwelashwa nakho kungaba yindlela enhle.

UBotnick futhi uphakamisa ukuzama ibhuku lokusebenza lokukhathazeka njengeThe Mindful Way Workbook.

Isebenzisa imigomo yokwelashwa kwengqondo okusekelwe engqondweni ukukusiza:

• khulisa ukwamukelwa ezungeze imizwa yokukhathazeka ukuze ingakuthinti
• bona imicabango engadingeki noma ecindezelayo ukuze ukwazi ukuyiphonsela inselelo bese uyishintsha

Khumbula ukubaluleka kwakho

Lapho umona ukukwenza uziqhathanise nabanye, ukuzihlonipha kwakho kungagcina sekwenzekile. Impilo yakho ingahle ifiseleke komunye umuntu, ngemuva kwakho konke. Kepha umona ungakwenza uzizwe sengathi akukho lutho onalo olwenele ngokwanele.

Ukucwaninga okuhlola ukuxhumana okukhona phakathi komona nokuzethemba kutholakale ubufakazi bokuphakamisa ukuthi umona ungakhula lapho ubhekene nosongo ekuzihlonipheni kwakho.

Ukulwa nokuzethemba okuphansi:

• Zikhumbuze ngezinto ozenza kahle.
• Zijwayeze ukuzwelana (ngamanye amagama, ziphathe ngendlela ongenza ngayo umngani osondelene naye).
• Prakthiza ukuqinisekiswa kwansuku zonke noma ukushintshanise nomlingani wakho.
• Zikhumbuze ngezinto ozazisayo kumlingani wakho nasebudlelwaneni bakho.
• Zinike isikhathi sokwenza izinto ozijabulelayo.

Zijwayeze ukucabanga

Amasu wokucabanga akusiza unake imicabango nemizwa yakho njengoba ikhuphuka ngaphandle kokwahlulela noma ukugxeka. Ukwandisa ulwazi lwakho mayelana nomona kungakusiza ukuthi uqaphele noma yimaphi amaphethini alandelayo, kufaka phakathi izinto ezenzeka ngaphambi kokuba ube nomona.

Ukucabanga nakho kungakusiza uzizwe ukhululekile ngomhawu. Isibonelo, kungakusiza uqaphele futhi wamukele imizwa yakho yomona ngalokho okuyikho - ingxenye yesipiliyoni sakho somphefumulo - bese uqhubeka.

Ukungawuhluleli umhawu, noma wena ngokwakho ngokuwuzwa, kungasiza ukuwugcina ungakuthinti kabi.

Inike isikhathi

Uma uke wahlangabezana nomona phambilini, mhlawumbe usuyazi vele ukuthi umona uyaphela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.Kungazizwa kungasindi kakhulu ngemuva kokubhekana nemizwa yakho, kunjalo, kepha futhi kungancipha kanye uma noma yini onomona ngayo isiphelile.

Ngokuya ngocwaningo olubheke isipiliyoni somona, abantu ngokuvamile banamathuba amaningi okuthi bazizwe benomona ngaphambi kukhona okwenzekayo, hhayi ngemuva.

Njengoba isikhathi sihamba, nawe mancane amathuba okuthi uzizwe unesidingo sokuziqhathanisa wena noma izimo zakho komunye umuntu. Kepha imizwa emihle onayo ihlala.

Ngakho-ke, ngenkathi ungazizwa unomona njengoba usuku lomshado womngane wakho omkhulu lusondela, ngosuku olulandelayo ngemuva komshado ungazizwa ungenamona futhi ujabule kakhulu ngomngane wakho.

Khuluma nomelaphi

Uma unenkinga yokubhekana nemicabango enomona wedwa, ukukhuluma nodokotela kungasiza.

Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukukhuluma ngomona. Ungazizwa ungakhululekile ngokwengeziwe ukwaba le micabango nomuntu ongamazi. Kepha umelaphi omuhle uzohlangana nawe ngomusa nozwela.

Futhi, bazi kangcono kunanoma ngubani ukuthi umona umuzwa ojwayelekile wonke umuntu azizwa ngawo ngesikhathi esithile.

UBotnick wabelana ngezimpawu ezimbalwa eziphakamisa ukuthi ukukhuluma nodokotela kungasiza:

• Umona uholela emicabangweni engalawuleki noma eqondile.
• Uyazibona izinto eziphoqelelayo.
• Imicabango enomona iba engalawuleki noma engangeneki.
• Unemicabango enobudlova noma unxusa.
• Imizwa yomona ibangela isimilo esinenkinga, njengokulandela umlingani wakho noma ukuzihlola njalo.
• Isikhwele sithinta impilo yakho yansuku zonke, sikuvimbela ekwenzeni izinto ofuna ukuzenza, noma sibangela okunye ukucindezeleka.

"Uma uhlala udinga ukuhlola okuphakelayo kwakho kwezokuxhumana, ifoni kazakwenu, noma ukuthi abantu abasemgqeni weStarbucks bagqokeni, lapho-ke ngeke usakwazi ukuba khona empilweni yakho, futhi lokho kuyinkinga," kuphetha uBotnick.

Umona ungakusiza ukuthi ubheke ukuthi obani (nokuthi yini) obakhathalelayo. Akudingeki ukuthi kudale izinkinga kuwe noma ebudlelwaneni bakho. Kungasiza nobudlelwano ukuba buqine kwezinye izimo. Konke kuya ngokuthi uyisebenzisa kanjani.